How about a tenth of a percent? With Guest Kate Carter, Season 1 Episode 7

In this episode, Maria speaks to Kate Carter about her multiple less than 1% stories! Over the last year she has been extremely strong and resilient in a journey that has a probability rate of a tenth of a Percent!

Resources:
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Transcript

Maria: 0:01

Welcome back to The Against All Odds, the Less Than 1% Chance Podcast with your host Maria Aponte, where we will hear stories of incredible people thriving against all odds. And my hope is that we can all see how life is always happening for us, even when we are the Less Than 1% chance. Hey. Hey friends. Welcome back to Against All Odds, the less than 1% Chance podcast with your host Maria Aponte. Today we have a guest. I'm so excited. I know this amazing woman cuz she is in my team, in my downline. I met her maybe a year ago at Summit. Is that where we met for the first time? Yeah. So we went to our annual conference and that's where I met Kate. And, and she, like, I've, I've, we had been on calls together for now two years I believe. And so yeah, so she, I met Kate last Last summer at our annual conference. And I didn't know her story and when she heard my first episode of the podcast she was like, Maria, our stories are so similar. And I'm like, oh my gosh. Okay. I have to have you on. So this is my friend Kate Carter. So welcome. Thank you so much for joining us today. Tell us a little bit about you.

Kate: 1:24

Oh my gosh, Maria, thanks for having me. What an honor. I can't lie, I'm really nervous, but all good gains. This is what we do. Sharing my story is something I have to move out of my comfort zone to do. Cuz if I can help one person, I've, I've changed the world really? Or change the family or, it's, it's hard. It's hard, but it's so important. So yes. I can't believe it. We have known each other for two years and it was virtually and so many times people looked down on virtual relationships, but, The community that we're building and the things that we are doing together to improve our lives together is, is awesome.

Maria: 1:58

So I agree.

Kate: 2:00

It's, it's amazing. So, yeah, I listened to your Podcast and I was blown away. It started with, I was like, what's this 1% thing about? And I was like, holy smokes, that's me. I'm a one percenter, and now we'll talk later about my thing, but 1% I'm in law enforcement. 1% it has is has gang related things to it. So I was like, okay, that's, that's not this 1%. But, but so yeah. Do you just want me to dive in or, yeah.

Maria: 2:27

So what was the first thing that you connected with, with my story? Because this blew my mind. I don't hear a ton of people come to me telling me, oh yeah, that, I experienced that too. What was, from the beginning, of your own journey, what was your. Birth story.

Kate: 2:49

Oh, yes. From the true, very beginning. Yeah. And of course I'm a woman of faith, so it's, God's hand in everything and, and I was a one percenter before I, again, life happens. I. for you, not to you. And it was, it was nothing I had control over. My mom already had my older brother, she had a miscarriage and then she was pregnant with me and I was due in January and on November. 17. She wasn't feeling so hot. She called the doctor. The doctor said, go right to the hospital. It sounds like labor, but we have to stop. We have to do everything we can do to stop it. It's way too early. That's at least eight weeks early. And by the way, ma'am, you have two babies in there. So that's when my mom found out she was having twins. So again, oh my gosh. Technology was different 52 years ago. Oh my God. I'm 52. I came that day that next evening. My twin sister was born first. She was more, I, believe she was more vital than I was. I was moved back to the very back of the nursery cuz they didn't think I was gonna make it. I was, we would call today lethargic and focusing on breathing, whereas she was active and she was, you know, a cute tiny baby to show on the window. Within, I asked my mom and she didn't answer, so I'm gonna respect that. My sister died within the first day or so and I continued to get better. The irony of it all was my mom always wanted a daughter named Kathleen. It was Kathleen and Colleen. And against the odds or what medicine thought, I made it and never thought both of us would make it, but that, I made it was kind of backwards. And a little thing too is The nurse that cared for me in the hospital when I had my daughter, her name was Colleen. I had never ever met another Colleen, ever spent time with a Colleen. My sister was there that day. Girl, she wasn't there.

Maria: 4:48

I got goosebumps. That's so crazy.

Kate: 4:50

Yeah.

Maria: 4:50

So this has been kind of from my own healing journey and diving into, cuz my twin was never born. My mom had a miscarriage while she was pregnant with us. So we never knew what it was. We never knew any of that. However, I feel like I've gone through so many things in my life and I wholeheartedly believe that my twin gave, like I have the strength of two because they gave their life for me and for me to survive. And I'm here and I'm. So strong and people sometimes are like, oh my God, I can't believe everything you've gone through. And I'm like, I mean, yeah. And it never really like dawned on me until I started kind of diving into like healing that part of me because it was like a grief that I never really knew that I was dealing with or I always felt like something was missing in my life. It's the craziest thing. I always felt like there was something missing that needed to be around. And when I started to kind of dig into that healing a little bit more, I just, I truly feel that I am as strong as I am because my twin gave me their strength. So I think that that, that's a good start to, to maybe understanding why you're so strong and why sometimes maybe go through some of the things that we do. It's because there was a bigger purpose.

Kate: 6:43

Yep. It's definitely a, a start to the, the grind, I guess I could say. And I do, I definitely feel like I have another power and I can only think that it's her, her with me, and it, it's uncanny. It's just uncanny. Yeah.

Maria: 6:57

It's so cool. It's so cool. All right, so fast forward a bit. How many kids do you have?

Kate: 7:03

I have two children of my own and two bonus children.

Maria: 7:08

That's awesome. I have three, three of my own and three bonus children,

Kate: 7:12

yes.

Maria: 7:14

What other things, less than 1% chance, do you feel like you've gone through?

Kate: 7:19

So growing up school was a struggle for me. It comes with being premature and learning disabilities and all the things. Everything was harder. But I didn't know any different. That was just how I was made and that's how I thought growing up was I guess always really positive. Could always grind things out. Went to college. I majored in anthropology. How many girls do that? I didn't look that one up, but that's gotta be on the radar. I didn't know it. I learned recently in our journey together on our team with the amazing Micah Folsom is my true dream that I never knew, that I just learned again, was that I wanted to be a mom and a wife. What was so wrong with that? I didn't know what I wanted to do in college. I was just told this is what you do after high school. You go to college. I was lost. And then even after college, I met my, My college sweetheart and we married and we thought we did all the things right. You know, I made the decision with all the hard religious decisions that I wasn't gonna be a statistic, I wasn't gonna be divorced. We were gonna live together first, and two beautiful children. My daughter was born and she definitely puts me in the 1% category. When I was pregnant, I always was afraid of needles. Always, always, always. So I made up my mind I'm gonna do whatever I can do not to have that epidural. And my husband was on board and we lived about 45 minutes from the hospital. And everything happened so normal. I passed my mucus plug. I'm like, this is it. This is it. Have a little bit of cramping. I was writing down the times I was having my contractions, all the things.

Maria: 8:53

Is she your oldest?

Kate: 8:54

She is my oldest at my first, so I didn't know a whole lot, you know?

Maria: 8:57

Yeah.

Kate: 8:57

They never experienced it.

Maria: 8:58

That's kind of why I, I asked because that's how I was with like, okay, this was when I had the contract,

Kate: 9:05

yeah, and, and like, I'm rocking in the rocker, in her nursery and I'm like, this is cool, this is great. And then throughout the day I'm like, wow, this is really hurting. Wow. I can't really put a sentence together. So my mom came into town like you do with your first baby, and we went to the hospital and they checked me. They're like, Nah, maybe a centimeter. You need to go and have some lunch. And, and I'm like let's keep it real, ladies, I'm not eating lunch because there might be something that needs to exit. So anyway so I remember going to a restaurant and I'm like having trouble letting everybody know around me that I'm in labor. So we walked around for about two hours and then went back to the hospital. They're like, Nope, nothing. So went home, finally another 45 minutes away, finally went and I was like, okay, I'll have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. So, I mean, I remember this like it was yesterday and sent my mom home, sent my dad home cuz they were just watching me. Was driving insane. So, my husband and I went to bed. And I woke him up at one o'clock in the morning. I said, I know this is it. I know this is it. Promise me we're not coming home without a baby. And he's like, okay, if you're saying this, it's ready. So we went and I remember going over railroad tracks, being in this insane pain and getting to the hospital. And I get there and they check me and they're like, you're two centimeters dilated. I'm like, no, I'm not. This baby's coming. I'm not. And they said, well, we can't. We can't do anything with you cuz you're not far enough along, but we understand you do live 45 minutes away. And they put me on a baby monitor in this triage room. I don't even remember what it was. My husband was in a traditional recliner and I was on a. A bed of some kind, but it wasn't really a hospital bed and there was a bathroom just down the hall. I was like, babe, I think I need to go to the bathroom.

Maria: 10:44

I know what that means,

Kate: 10:45

right? I called the nurse and she didn't come. So I was like, forget it. So I unhooked all this stuff, I'm not a good patient. And and went to the bathroom and I just peed a little and I was like, oh, okay. It's not the bathroom. And I laid back on the bed and I got this. I didn't even push. I don't know what it was. It was just a movement and I told my husband, oh my God, oh my God. Get the nurse. Something's wrong. Something's laying between my legs. So, He runs outta the hall and it's, it's like 3:00 AM in the morning. Like all the nurses are all sleepy eyed doing their thing and the nurse peels back the, the, the sheet and the shock. I thought I lost my daughter right there. She said, you have passed your bag of water fully intact. It's extremely rare. So at some point during the, during my labor, she was able to slip out of my bag of water and it sealed itself again. So when they tested me for water, I never passed the the test because there was no water. So she was

Maria: 11:47

Oh my gosh.

Kate: 11:48

Right, right, right. So I'm like, okay, it's game Time, let's go. And I was like, okay. I'm like get me that wheelchair, let's go. She goes, no, no, no baby, you'll sit on the baby's head. So she's like, try not to do anything. She's, you know, don't push, do all the things. And then I just remember it's cuz I've never been hospitalized or anything at this point. And when they laid me back, wheeling me down the hall, you lose all sense of perspective,

Maria: 12:15

uhhuh

Kate: 12:15

and my world is spiraling. Okay, so now, Think from a mom perspective, I have no bag. I have no camera. I have, you know, no family. My husband, he was a saint, he was amazing. He was sleeping when this happened, but so he was awake then too. And in the delivery room, three or four pushes, and, and my daughter was here. It was scary. It was amazing. Again, but it, it's, it's one of those rare things and it's, I can't tell anybody enough, you know, your body. Yeah. And I just knew it and I'm so glad I listened and I had the strength to listen. And the next day, like I said, the, the nurse Colleen was there with me. She was the one that said, you know, that. Discovered the bag of water and told me what was happening. And she's really the only voice I remember. And it was her and my husband who helped me deliver cuz didn't have it, you know, cuz it happened so quickly. And then no pictures and they all went into action to, you know, get the camera there and notify family and do all the things. But throughout the next day and a half, I guess, yeah, just, I was just there barely. A day and a half. If nurses were coming by, doctors were coming by and we said, we have to meet you. This is so rare. And if you look at it's different than a mermaid birth. A mermaid birth is the child comes out with the bag of water.

Maria: 13:31

Uhhuh. Yeah.

Kate: 13:32

So this was different than it was in front of her, and it's almost statistically unheard of. So anyway, so that, and the greatest thing is my daughter was amazing and I remember they're like, okay, I think she needs two stitches. Let's put some pain meds in her iv. And the nurse is looking. She doesn't have an iv, so

Maria: 13:49

we didn't get that far.

Kate: 13:51

Yeah, we never got that far, which was great for me because of the needles thing, so, yeah. So they gave, actually they did at this point. I didn't care. They gave me a needle in each thigh and then they zipped me up a little and we were good to go. So, yeah. Crazy. And that, that first day.

Maria: 14:04

Wow.

Kate: 14:05

Yeah. And so I have an aunt and I tell the story and it's a little more colorful, so I've kept it G rated here and she laughs so hard when I tell the story and she says, you're such an amazing storyteller, and the things that you make so ho-hum would just ag gasp so many other people. And I was like, as, I mean, keep it real. I mean, it's happening. For you, not to you. It's all good, it all, it's all in the plan. You can let it bog you down, which are the things I have, or you can just keep it moving. It's exciting. Yeah, it is. That

Maria: 14:36

is awesome. Wow. That's amazing, and I've never even heard of that, it is so crazy because you do know your body. And I remember like with my son was probably the one that shocked people the most was cuz I was, my water had not broken and it was just like, I. Trickling out. I had to pee a lot.

Kate: 15:01

Yeah.

Maria: 15:02

And the triage room was packed, it was, I think full moon. I don't know.

Kate: 15:07

Yeah.

Maria: 15:07

But it was packed. And my sister-in-law. At the time she worked at a dental office, so she came in scrubs and she used that to her advantage and told the nurse, Hey, I just got off my shift. My sister-in-law's out here. Can we just get her back there just to get her checked? And like I was

Kate: 15:31

all truth,

Maria: 15:34

all truth in one way or the other. So I got back there and with my son, I was seven or eight centimeters dilated in the waiting room.

Kate: 15:45

Same.

Maria: 15:46

The triage was like, I think like on, maybe the seventh floor and labor and delivery was on the fifth, so they had to get me into a into the elevator. Everyone's like rushing down. My mom's with me and I look at her in the elevator. I'm like I have to push. And the nurse is like, no, no, no. And I'm like, I gotta push, I took someone else's room because they wheeled me into the room, like right next to the elevator.

Kate: 16:15

Mm-hmm.

Maria: 16:16

my doctor was a room away, but because the midwife comes in, I looked at her, I was like, I gotta push. And she's like, no, mommy, wait. I'm like, I'm pushing like, I don't know what to tell you. He,

Kate: 16:31

yeah. There's no way Wait.

Maria: 16:33

I can't wait. And, and he was like, photo finish here. And my ex-husband, their dad like walks in as everyone's walking in as I am like pushing him out. And it was just the craziest thing. But yeah, you know, your body. I said the same thing with my youngest, the, the nurse. I was very quiet, like, it was just my mom and my aunt there. And I told the nurse, I was like, I have to push. She's like, I just checked you. And I'm like, no, I have to push. And my aunt looks at her and she's like, I've been to all her births. Just listen to her. Oh shit. She checks me and she's like, oh my God, the baby like plopped down on the bed and she's like, oh my gosh, all the paperwork that I have to do now. I'm like, I told you. Like, just listen. Just listen. I didn't have any more after that,

Kate: 17:29

yeah. Yeah, because yeah. That's crazy.

Maria: 17:32

So tell me going a so past your daughter's birth and you had a son

Kate: 17:38

yes. So, to, sidebar that a little bit and to, know your own strength in your body. My son was a different story. He's 19 now. Of course, why do things happen? When I found out, I, I thought I was pregnant with him. I went to the doctor. I was like, Hey, I might be pregnant. I was like, but I have this spot on my leg that really doesn't look right. And she said, yes, you are in fact pregnant. And you have you're starting already with varicose veins and blood clots. So it was a high risk of pre pregnancy the whole time. And remember I said I didn't like needles. I, had to give myself blood thinners every day in the belly

Maria: 18:13

Oh my gosh.

Kate: 18:14

During my pregnancy. Yeah. So I got over my thing for needles.

Maria: 18:18

Yeah. I, I would imagine

Kate: 18:19

it's just amazing. You just find this strength and you do what you do. I mean, I could complain and moan and, and whatever. And I just did it. I used a little ice get cube. I had, yeah, it got done. Then, so they had to deliver him early cuz then I actually did get a clot because of course the lower extremities don't get a whole lot of flow at that point when you're that pregnant. And again, it's time we're in labor and delivery and I have to be induced. So the nurse said Kate, you are not gonna be able to do this without an epidural. Don't give me a challenge.

Maria: 18:52

Watch me.

Kate: 18:53

And so during one of my contract, cause it just comes so hard and fast, and if you've been induced, you know, all the things. And so I was like, I, I just can't. So during one of a contraction, she's like, honey, why are you suffering so much? She goes, why won't she goes, let me tell you about the epidural. I'm like, this isn't fair. Wait until the contraction is over and then we'll talk again. You know, you can do hard things.

Maria: 19:13

Mm-hmm.

Kate: 19:14

But get through the hard thing first. So then, you know, she's like, this is what it is, and, I was like, no, I'm good. I got it. So I did end up delivering, but, maybe not the best thing because I may have done a little bit of damage that I might be in better health that way. On everyday stuff if I had had the epidural. And again, it just scared me. And so it's,

Maria: 19:32

oh, I was there with you. I, I had all my three kids naturally because I was like, that needle is not coming in my

Kate: 19:39

Yes. Right, right, right. So anyway, okay, so life's cruising on pretty amazingly. Between the two children was September 11th and I mean, for, for our kids, it's like a history book thing. Mm-hmm. But for me, so I was a, as a brand new mom my daughter was months old. She was born in April and September 11th, obviously September. And to leave her. The worry, the, the way of the world. I didn't, you know, remember I said, I've just figured out I never really wanted to be a professional. I wanted to be a mom. So that, that I was an insurance agent and I worked with all men. And the tug was just so much. My husband was a corporate ladder climber, so we, we started moving. So then I was so blessed to be able to stay at home because every time we got settled and then I looked for a job, it was almost time to move again. So I was like, all the things moving was my job. So, And I loved taking the kids to the library. I loved taking kids to the pool, to the Y M C A I, I was in the best shape of my life. I loved being a stay-at-home mom. And then when we up, we up and moved to North Carolina and my husband came home one day and just, I met him at the door. I remember the door, I remember all the things, and I opened the door and he said, Hey, there's something I need to talk to you about. And I was like, okay. He's like, I'm done. Done what? He's like, I don't wanna be married anymore. Oh, wow. I had no idea. I had no idea. I had no idea.

Maria: 21:04

How old were the kids?

Kate: 21:05

My daughter would've been seven, so easy math. And my son would've been three-ish. And again, I said, you know, I, I grew up Catholic. I mean, you married for life, that's the thing.

Maria: 21:16

Yep.

Kate: 21:16

And my ex-husband's parents were amazing role models. I love them to death. They're amazing. They've been married for, 55 years.

Maria: 21:24

Yep.

Kate: 21:24

So didn't see it coming. And then I was in denial for a little bit and I'll tell you how many, how many Catholic priests tell a woman all you need is a good divorce attorney. What, what? So, but that's kind of what I needed. My world was upside down. Crying a lot, hiding it from the kids. I stuck around for about a month and thought I could fix my, you know, I said, oh, I want do marriage counseling. All the things I stuck around for about a month and the emotional abuse and the already being, having been abandoned. I, I just my, my mom and dad said, Gotcha. Come home. And that's the last thing you know. I'm like, no, no, I'm good. I got this, I got this,

Maria: 22:01

I got this, I've got this.

Kate: 22:02

I go out and get a job, whatever. And then the next week I said, Hey, can I come home? And they're like, heck yeah. So. Grew the strength, you know, put the tears away. Was amazingly present for my kids. Packed up the household, moved to my parents' house, took the kids on vacation with my parents between the two houses. And just, you wanna keep everything as normal as you can for the kids. And been through divorce. There's nothing like it. There's

Maria: 22:30

mm-hmm.

Kate: 22:31

I don't recommend it for anybody.

Maria: 22:33

Nope.

Kate: 22:34

I'm blessed on this side of it. But, wow. You know, there's no fighting. I mean, there were a few things I had to. stand my ground on, but it was never ugly. For a long time I just wish he'd change his mind and, and we could get back together. But I move forward every day. And then I needed a job and we lived in Fort Bragg, North Carolina. That's where I left.

Maria: 22:54

Mm-hmm.

Kate: 22:55

Our last marital home and the family there, the military families, the way they were serving it, it called to me, I two brothers that were in the military, my father was in, was in the military. But I was too old. Yeah.

Maria: 23:08

How old were you at that time?

Kate: 23:09

37.

Maria: 23:10

Okay.

Kate: 23:11

So I, took my kids to the bus stop. The neighbors that my parents place were amazingly welcoming. But anyway She said, Hey, have you ever thought about law enforcement? And I'm like I'm a rule follower. and she goes, and you're crazy fit. And I said, yeah. And I said, you know that, you know, and she goes, the benefits are amazing. Blah, blah, blah. So what does every 37 year old, single female with two young children do, they go to the police academy? What percentage is again, I looked it up. Can't find one. Okay. And every day the police academy is three attempts and you're out. So I met I'm a deputy sheriff and I met a deputy during my training and he said to me what's your plan B? And I thought, wow, what's my plan B? I'm like, I don't have one. There's only success in this for me. So every, you know, every day was just so scary. The team of trainers was amazing. I remember missing my kids so bad I missed the first day of kindergarten. I couldn't say, Hey, I can't make the police academy today. I gotta put my kid on the bus. That, that stays with me. But my parents were amazing. They put him on the bus, all, I mean, you know, again, it's, it, it's what you have to do to grind it out. That's probably one of my sore spots. But I also remember evenings with him reading a book before bed, coming after coming home from training. And then I was in the 56th session and our goal was always to do pushups for as many sessions as you were. So 56 pushups. Oh, he would sit on the bed and he would count and he would go, go Mommy, go mommy. Go mommy. And it's just what mom, what mom gets to do that. And when they were at my graduation and they got to run around the gym and do the obstacle course just amazing.

Maria: 24:56

That's incredible. That's incredible.

Kate: 24:58

I'm still a mom first and, law enforcement is what I do. It's not who I am. That's a lot of people. It's in them thick and thin. So fast forward when all the terrible things happen in law enforcement. We have to make really tough decisions really quickly. My family knows that I'm probably not gonna make that last decision quick enough. Somebody's gonna kill me before I am able to, to do that to them. I understand that I'm gonna do everything I do to con, continue to keep people safe around me, but it's just, it's taking a human life. So when everybody makes these blanket statements about law enforcement, this law enforcement, that I'm a mother, First,

Maria: 25:39

yeah.

Kate: 25:39

I'm a community member first. I did this to serve myself for my family, but because I love to serve people and my favorite thing is I I'm a nationally certified car seat technician. You wouldn't think of that as law enforcement, but it's about keeping little safe. Yeah. I love to serve the community in that way. My life got really dark after the police academy cuz I was angry. I wanted to be with my kids. I didn't even know that until a couple of years ago. I was grinding it out. I was, I was praying, I was I kept apologizing to the Lord. I've messed up this life that you gave me. You, you gave me this precious marriage and I blew it. You gave me these precious children and I'm not present. You know, I, I hate this job that I'm doing. It's scary. It's, you know, it's keeping me away from my family. And then again, I went to church and I can't make this up. I went into the confessional. If anybody knows about being Catholic, I'm sorry, God, I'm sorry Lord, for missing church every other week, but I have to work. I'm on shift work and the priest says through the wall, maybe you need to find a new job. Would he ever say that to a male voice that's providing for his family? No. So that spiraled my, my faith. We'll, we'll sidebar that. I don't really wanna talk about that. So then really things, hard things started happening. My husband, my, I now have a wonderful husband. His, his ex-wife struggles with substance abuse and my ex-husband and I, we are the one percenters. We get along fabulously. It takes a tribe. He shared with me when his wife was, was pregnant before he told his family. Before she was his wife and we navigated it together. And ironically, he cried and laughed on my shoulder. We always said we were gonna teach classes and, and a lot of people have to go to classes for divorce. We could do it. Yeah. So I'm so proud of that and it's a great role, role a model for our children. And in fact, our children struggled for a while. Why aren't you guys together? Because we got along so well.

Maria: 27:39

Yeah.

Kate: 27:39

But that's a good front to have. My stepchildren were in a very difficult spot. I wanted to be home. I was trying to what I felt like was save my stepchildren Trying to fix it. Again, I'm, I'm trying to be vague to, to respect their privacy and their moms. And it consumed me. It made me scared. It made me angry. A a legal battle ensued. And then we lost our stepchildren. They went and lived with their mom. Yeah. And I, every day I went to work, I just couldn't stand it. I was in a police cruiser and trying to figure out how to pay for college, and my second marriage was failing. I remember the jersey wall. I remember all the things and I said, I just wanna drive into this wall. I just, I blew this life that God gave me. I know that. I know my salvation depends on not committing suicide, and I don't care. The, the pain is too great. My parent, my kids will get my benefits. I'm worth more to them dead than I am alive. It was such a dark and scary place because my salvation always kept me alive that no, I have to serve the Lord. I have to do what's best, whatever. But it was so dark. A couple weeks later, I sat, I've never told this story. I sat on the side of my bed with my service weapon and I said, my husband's law enforcement, he can handle this. He can take care of my body, and he, he's a great person to take care of my children and. He made the decision with me, he to not get help and anybody, if you have mental health issues, I'm not telling you to not get help, get help. It was just for me. And that's what's wrong with law enforcement. You can lose your job. So it's something I couldn't risk. I battled through a couple of weeks and it was tough and I just decided, no, I'm gonna take back this life that God gave me and I'm gonna do with what I have left with it, and I'm not gonna take misery as an option. And here I am. I mean, this life is so amazing. The only regret I have is the community that we have together of making women's lives better. That I didn't do it sooner when I was home alone with the kids. And I can't unring that bell. And so much of the training is do it for you. It makes you a better mom. It makes. In my mind it was too late. My kids are out of the nest, but I can't undo the time. But, my kids look at me now and they're like, wow, mommy. Wow. The woman you are, you're freaking amazing. And I was like, this is the woman that I used to be and I have to teach other women. To get here if they slipped down to that dark place that I was, I love my job in law enforcement now, but still It's still just a job.

Maria: 30:25

Exactly.

Kate: 30:25

Cause I still love my family the most and I'm more passionate about My job serving women and changing lives than I am. That, and I'm looking forward to retirement. My husband retires he grinded it out with me. Oh my God. Blessings when you, when you're just so committed to a relationship and love. And we are an amazing point. I've paid for my kids' colleges. I've done all the things. I don't know if you want me to babble on more about what happened to me last April.

Maria: 30:50

Yeah, I actually would love to hear that because I felt like I was there through the steps of everything. And every time I'm like, oh my gosh, this woman, with her strength, it's so amazing. So yes, absolutely. Tell us a little bit about what happened last April.

Kate: 31:09

Right. Okay. So I said I'd never been hospitalized except for

Maria: 31:13

except having babies,

Kate: 31:14

except for having babies. And I was doing the what's called a four week gut protocol. It's a really healthy way of eating. You've done it with me. Mm-hmm. I'm feeling amazing. Mm-hmm. And I was at work. I was in a, fortunately I was in a control booth where if you, I'm just opening doors and making sure people can access. I'm working in jail now. I'm off the street. Just because I was promoted actually. And I got this terrible pain in my side. I'm like, Hmm, I might have to go to the bathroom. So I called the so girl private moment. And I went into the locker room and I was like, Hmm, this isn't going away. And then it was shortly after breakfast and then, I called somebody, I was like, Hey, we can, amazingly enough, we can do wellness on the clock. They really are trying to do stuff for us with law enforcement to for healthier selves. So I was like, maybe I'll go to the gym. I'll work out this cramp. So I changed my clothes into my gym clothes and by the time I finished changing, I was laying on the bench in the locker room by myself doing lamaze, getting through this pain. So I was like, this isn't gonna work. And now if you're having in a jail, there's medical emergencies, you call the whole thing, the medical staff comes running, whatever. If it happens to law enforcement, it's a different call out. And I didn't, I, I didn't wanna be that person, so I put my uniform back on, which is crazy. Went back into the jail. Walked past probably 10 or 12 inmates, and I'm doing lamaze breathing. And I go, where I know there's another female working in a private part of the jail. Just her. I walked in the room with her, I said, don't let anybody in. And I laid on the floor and she said, what is wrong with you? And I said, there's something wrong. I'm sick. And she cued her mic, she pushed the button and I said, stop. And she let go. And I said, if you're gonna do anything, you pick up the phone. I do not want a radio call going out. And I said, and so, so I was like, hold on. So then I couldn't talk. And so then I, I said, call this nurse one of the nurses in the jail that we trust. I was like, have her come up. And so of course she called another female friend. I passed out for two seconds.

Maria: 33:20

Oh my gosh.

Kate: 33:21

When I come back too, I feel perfectly fine. I feel 110%. The nurse comes up and she's like, yeah, your blood pressure's pretty elevated. And I said, okay. So the other female that came that was a higher raking supervisor and a great friend she said, you know what? Let's just put you in the back in an office for a little bit. You can, there's office duties we have to do throughout the day and we'll just check on you. So, I was there for about 40 minutes. I'm like, I'm good. I'm gonna go to my post. And then I'm working, receiving in the jail where all everybody who's arrested comes in and I'm in charge of the scene. And you know, people are drunk, people are violent, people are all, it was, it was an average day and I made through it like it was nothing. Well, I got off duty and I was. Starving because I thought, oh, this happened at breakfast. I'm not going to eat anything cause that's what those girls do. And so I was starving. I stopped at kava. I love me some kava. And I had falafel cuz again, I'm trying to eat healthy on the gut protocol, but you know, falafel's not the best thing. But anyway, it was mostly salad and I eat it in the car cuz I'm so hungry. I get home. And I crawl into the door, the same exact pain I had earlier. My son's upstairs in his room playing video games and he has his headset on. I'm like, you keep your headset on. I don't want you to hear what's going on in my room. Don't worry, everything's okay. Okay. My husband's working. He's a firearms instructor. He is teaching night fire, so he's working nights. So I call him, I'm like, Hey, I think we're gonna be on Jerry Springer. I am having contractions. And he's like, what? And I was like, Babe, this is worth in childbirth. And I did, I went in my room, I did Lamaze, I had my arms on my bed. I'm doing all the things. And I didn't pass out, but I told him, he's like, Hey look, do I need to come home? Oh, no, no, I got this. So I said, but I'm never eating another thing until I see a doctor. He's like, okay. So then he's like, well, you know, lemme, lemme stop on my way home. He got me. Bless his heart because he thought we were gonna fix this. He got me a laxative and they didn't do a darn thing. So next morning he, he goes to work. I'm like, it's good. Don't worry about it. I'll go to the doctor. We'll see what we have. I had a physical therapy appointment for a rough shoulder and he prescribed medications. I was like, you know what? I'm not feeling my great, great today. I'm going to my doctor now. I'm not gonna take it. Went to my doctor's office. I had already called her and said okay, well we can see you at 11. And I said, okay. So it was eight o'clock I was on the doorstep. So the doctor came out to the waiting room and she goes, Kate, what's going on? Get back here. So amazing that I have a good primary care physician. And so she examined me and she's like, girl, I think this is your gallbladder. I'm gonna send you for an mri. I'm like, okay. I was like, she goes, have you had any issues? Like, no, I feel perfect. It's great, you know, this is just a thing. And she says, okay, you'll have an MRI at three o'clock. Well, I went into, I knew something was really wrong because I wasn't eating and it was just like childbirth, like that nesting thing. I went and looked at some furniture that I wanted to have and walked around a store and stayed busy because I knew And so I went to the M r I at three o'clock and you know, they're not supposed to tell you anything. She's doing the no, I'm sorry, it was the ultrasound. Yeah. And she's doing the ultrasound and she's quiet and then, and she's spending a lot of time and making a lot of notes. And I can tell it's not like, Check, check, check. And I was like, so you can't tell to me anything? And she goes, no, I can't. And I said, and I know it's not good. And she goes, and I'm not gonna tell you anything. She goes, but you'll hear from your doctor really soon. So, you know that how that goes to the doctor. Checks in the mail. Checks in the mail. No, no, no. My doctor calls me in the parking lot and she goes, you turn your butt around and you go into the emergency room. And I said, oh, here we go. I was like, well, I can't really do that. I have to go home and pack a bag. I have to get my husband, I have to check on my dog. She's like, Kate, go to the emergency room. So what I do, I went home, checked on my dog, waited for my husband, and so I go to the emergency room. So what I have is I have. GI complications because of gallbladder? Well, they just think my gallbladder has to be removed. So they say, okay, we're gonna I can't make this up. This hospital lo loses their GI certification at midnight. We're gonna check on you through the night and then we're gonna transfer you to another hospital and have you evaluated, and then we'll go from there. So,

Maria: 37:42

What?

Kate: 37:43

Yeah, right. What? We'll put you on pain meds or whatever. I'm like, no, I don't need pain meds unless you feed me. Then gimme something good. So then And I sent my husband home cuz he's a child. He's a child, he is a grown child. He's sixty years old, bless his heart, but like blows up gloves, touches everything. I'm like, dude, you can't do anything here. Go home I'm like, go home, get some rest. We don't know what's ahead of us. I'll call you. So seven o'clock. Of course they wake me up during the night to do blood draws, which I love. Needles we've discussed.

Maria: 38:14

Yeah.

Kate: 38:15

and 7:00 AM the nurse comes in and says, okay, you're going to surgery now. And I'm like, oh no, you know, two feet planted. Like, I'm not going to surgery. They said, I need GI care first. Whatever. I'm not going to surgery. So I remember this beautiful woman comes in and she's like, Hey, this is my name. I'm the surgeon. I've got you, I've got you. This is my jam. I do, you know, I do gallbladders and this is, this is, she goes, it's simple. You have a rough gallbladder, gonna go in laparoscopically, boop, boop, boop. Get it out. Whatever we have going on, gi, I can clean it out. Not a big deal. We're rolling A girl power. The anesthesiologist was a female. The nurses were a female, called my husband. I was like, you can come if you want, but us girls, we got this, so sign the consent forms, whatever. I wake up and they tell me I've given them a scare on the operating table. Instead of being 45 minutes, it was three hours and 45 minutes. The look on my husband's face when he saw me. And then I peel back the covers and I have a huge bandage and I have a surgical drain. The doctor comes in and says it was a mess. We've gotta send you in for an mri. And It, you know, your gallbladder was in raw shape, so they don't know how to do this. M r I because they've literally just taken me off of the, of the recovery room. They can't fit me through the door. All the things. I was like, I can walk. I can walk. They're like, oh no. I'm like, let's just do this. So they feel like the results are, that are okay. So Battling back from recovery. If anybody's had an open gallbladder, it's, it's no joke. The scars and to look at my body, I was horrified because I didn't really even know, you know, they scooted in for the fact that this could happen. And we're getting in contact with work. I'm missing duty, you know getting family leave. That's all I cared about. Like, fix my family leave, make sure I'm not awol from work. You know, make sure my husband's okay to not be at work. All the things. Yeah. Ironically, I was supposed to be at a sheriff's conference that day, so the sheriff herself was on the phone with me, and she's like, Kate, she's like, take care of you. I know you're not AWOL from work. And, and again, that we have a female sheriff right now. It's, it's just, it's amazing. She's, amazing. So, I'm in the hospital. I'm not feeling better. They're releasing me. Oh, and let me just say, In just a few days. My daughter's graduating from college and my son a week later is graduating from high school. So I'm released from the hospital and I have this pump, and I am putting out so much bile. It's supposed to be nothing, and I'm putting out 700 ccs a day. And it's not getting better. So it's supposed to go away after a week, and then I meet with a surgeon and they don't know. But anyway, so it was a complicated situation. So I travel to my daughter's college graduation, so, And I am really feeling bad. I'm holding this surgical pump. I'm wearing a bra so I can put it between my breasts and still wear a nice dress. And I'm down and out and I am hiding it. And all the things I leaked by, I had to wear black. I leaked bile. It's dark green, I'm like, and awful. We had dinner one evening day before her graduation, and I used the restroom and my poop was white. Well, if you know anything about yeah, poop white, white mean you have complete blockage. So my same course of ag action, I'm just not gonna eat anything. Made it through her graduation the next day and then get home. And on Monday the doctor wants to start over with me back to the same exploratory stuff checking blood work and all that. My husband and I said, we're done. We, severed ties with the surgeon and we went to a bigger hospital. And it's been amazing ever since. So fast forward I have had Since last April, I've had bary stents to keep my bile duct open. That's what's wrong is I had excessive amounts of surgical clips and scar tissues from the procedure that closed my bile duct. Every time I, I have a procedure. Every eight weeks I go to sleep. I'm sick. And then finally, God bless me, this last Friday and that the last stint came out. And that one was the worst one cuz it was metal. I had reactions to it and the doc, the surgeon said, I can't be more pleased. It's completely open. So now for the next six months, if it stays open, it's a good chance it's gonna stay open. The old me was gonna say, let's wait for it to close. It's gonna close, it's gonna go close, it's gonna close. I don't care if this closes, it closes. That's just a new chapter that we're ready to move into. But I am just feeling great. And, and moving on. So yeah, again, it's, I looked it up last night because we're talking about 1%. Okay. It's a 10th of a percent to have gallbladder complications if you have open surgery,

Maria: 42:53

oh my gosh

Kate: 42:55

a 10th of a percent. It's 10th of a percent. I have to say a PSA for females I learned my biological father, all of the females on his side have lost their gallbladders. But again, people beg to have their gallbladder removed. There was none of that for me. I didn't suffer. I, I suffered a couple hours. These people who so long with gallbladders, I, I just feel so sorry for them and I wouldn't change anything. That gallbladder has to come out. Cuz recovering from the surgery, is it, it's, it is a phase versus affecting your everyday life. So and again, it's about knowing your medical history and, but again, everybody in my family's done it. They've all done it laparoscopically. It was no big deal. So you just, you kind of deal with what you're handed. Yeah. So

Maria: 43:39

that's crazy. Wow. A 10th of a percent.

Kate: 43:44

And how many times in your life, Maria, can you catch yourself saying Why me? Instead of lucky me, look at me. I defy the odds. And that's what your podcast is about. And yeah. And oh my God,

Maria: 43:55

flipping the script

Kate: 43:56

here, we are,

Maria: 43:56

we're flipping the script.

Kate: 43:58

It's flipping the script.

Maria: 43:59

I feel very strongly about that. And I feel like for many years I did the Why me?

Kate: 44:05

Mm-hmm.

Maria: 44:05

And I was miserable. And when I learned to flip that script, when I started to say, oh, well, I'm grateful for that because if not, then I wouldn't be this

Kate: 44:16

right,

Maria: 44:17

or I wouldn't be here, or I wouldn't be able to give this knowledge, or I wouldn't be able to help somebody in with the empathy that I am because. You know, I've been through it or I've been through something similar, that I think that that completely, completely changed the way that I viewed everything that I've gone through

Kate: 44:41

everything

Maria: 44:42

and I've made it this far. Heck yeah.

Kate: 44:46

Yeah.

Maria: 44:46

Heck

Kate: 44:46

you did.

Maria: 44:47

Yeah, I've made it this far and I think that that's where. So many people go down the road of like, well, the why me, and why is this happening to me? Well, let's, let's flip it a little bit. Why is this happening for you? Can you figure that out? The purpose of it? Can you come out of it stronger? Can you learn something new? Learn something about yourself? All of that is just, it's resiliency, right? So, Thank you so much. You are a great storyteller.

Kate: 45:18

Awesome. Thank you. And just to recap and to, to let everybody know, I mean, where I am now is, you know, I'm hold some rank at work. I hope to be a lieutenant. I hope to retire. My life is so full and I still struggle with the, stigma of suicide. And I totally believe in all my heart with people who have committed suicide. They're not in their right minds. They couldn't do anything else. They did the only thing that they could do. And it's not anybody they left behind, but what was inside of them? And it's such a dark thing and, and anybody get help, whatever help looks like for you. Yeah. I mean for me it was this community. It was learning to I've spent a decade of my life not growing and, and developing and, and going stronger. And now it's so opposite. So I just wanna say that to anybody who's listening. You can do, you can do anything. And it's just finding the resources to get you where you need to be. And Maria, we are where we are now, helping women. It's right where we need to be. Yeah. Bless you for doing this, and thank you so much for having me.

Maria: 46:21

Aw, thank you so much for coming on. Yeah, I agree. It's, I'll put some in information about suicide prevention and, and hotlines and stuff on the podcast. So if anyone is suffering with those thoughts, please, please, please get help. It's very near and dear to my heart, so I will definitely put in some information here. I'm so blessed that you're still here with us, and I'm so blessed that

Kate: 46:49

me too,

Maria: 46:50

This community has literally brought us together that it's just, it's been so amazing seeing your growth from the outside looking in. I remember Kate two years ago, and. Your way of looking at things has completely changed and it's so amazing.

Kate: 47:11

Yes and that's it. My transformation and I fixed the hard thing. The inside the weight is gonna be cake. When I'm ready to do it, and I am ready and I'm happy now it's, it's again, the two things. It's, it's happening for me, not to me. And I'll be happy When is out, it's, it's just out. I'm happy now.

Maria: 47:30

Happy now.

Kate: 47:30

You have to be happy now. Everything starts with that, so Yeah,

Maria: 47:34

absolutely. I absolutely agree a hundred percent. So thank you so much. I really appreciate it. And I can't wait to see where this goes and who you get to help with it and and to see you shine because it just, ugh, it makes my heart so happy. So thank you so much, Kate. Thank you listeners for tuning in today, and I hope that you guys all have an amazing rest of your day. Thank you so much for listening. Peace out. Love your life. Bye.