Reasons, Seasons and Lifetime People, with Guest Brandy Peterson Season 1 Episode 11

In this episode, Maria talks with guest Brandy Peterson about everything from Military Spouse life to the types of people you come across in your life

Can you pinpoint your Reason, Season or Lifetime people in your life?

Transcript

Maria: 0:01

Welcome back to The Against All Odds, the Less Than 1% Chance Podcast with your host Maria Aponte, where we'll hear stories of incredible people thriving against all odds. And my hope is that we can all see how life is always happening for us, even when we're the less than 1% chance. hey, hey. Welcome back to Against All Odds, the Less Than 1% Chance podcast with your host Maria Aponte. I am so excited'cause I have one of my like longest friends on with us today. Her name is Brandy Peterson. I always like, get all confused because I don't know you as Brandy Peterson, even though that's who you've been for the longest time, but to me it's still your maiden last name.

Brandy: 0:53

That's okay. That's, that's okay. I'll take it.

Maria: 0:56

I think on my phone I still have you as Buffkin, so that's okay. Sorry Tim. So I just wanted to introduce her. We go way back. We've been friends since like sixth grade, so it's literally been a lifetime. And we, and in high school we got closer and further apart and all the things, and then we kind of reconvene our friendship. I think it was like after our 10 year reunion, you didn't go, but we connected after that. And then kind of ever since then, we've kind of just been in each other's like radar. Yeah.

Brandy: 1:37

And Now more often now.

Maria: 1:39

It's like all the time. I can't imagine my everyday without you in it. So Brandy, give us a little bit of background. I love you and I love your story and I love talking to you. And I think that We've been through a lot. I know that you've been through a lot very early on, so I would love to just kind of talk about your story a little bit.

Brandy: 2:04

Okay. Well really honestly, from being young to probably right after high school, my life was really great. You know, I got to have a good time in high school and I had my friends and I had all that. It was every girl's dream at that point, you know. And then when I was 21, I, well actually about 20, I met a guy and we fell in love and we eloped and didn't tell anybody for months. So when my parents finally found out, we got married in November, my parents found out in March. Oh,

Maria: 2:45

wow. So like, yeah. Months.

Brandy: 2:48

Yeah, it was months. And it happened to be, I still remember it like it was yesterday. It was a very awkward conversation. And my dad, he said to me, he said, are you no longer Brandy Buffin? Are you a Mrs. Peterson? And I was like, as I'm like, buttering a piece of toast. Like, do you want the truth or do you want the lie? And I told him that I was now. Mrs. Peterson. And

Maria: 3:15

do you know how he found out?

Brandy: 3:18

My mom had found a card in my room that Tim had written me, and it said like, husband to wife. But at the time when he sent that card, we actually were not married. So it was ironic that

Maria: 3:31

that's what gave it away.

Brandy: 3:33

That's what gave it away. So, And I tried to avoid him for days. And I had a friend that was like, oh, because I knew, I knew we was gonna crush him, but in my defense, my husband did ask him to marry me and my dad told him no. He told him respectfully, no,'cause he was a Marine, but if he were gonna be a cop, he told him, F, no, because my dad's sister got screwed over by a cop, which happened to be my dad's best friend in high school and stuff. So he had a real bad feeling about all that. So he told him no

Maria: 4:12

and given, and given that he was like a firefighter. So usually that's like super tight and they're

Brandy: 4:21

right, they're dynamics. Yeah, so, so he didn't like that. So then when my parents found out, they found out around middle of March and a week later. Tim was deploying his first deployment and I had no idea what to expect. I'm married 21 years old and my husband's off to deploy, and this was 2004 and, well, actually this was 2005. We, we got married in 2004 and it was 2005. And I just remember being like, what did I get myself into? Because I'm 21 years old, you know? Yeah. My husband's going off to war. Luckily it was what in the Marine Corps calls a mu and he was just on a ship kind of floating around. He did get to go to some cool places and they did have like an attack on the ship, but he was luckily not on the ship. So when I found that out, I was like, but luckily he wasn't there. And then, A month later, my dad had a massive heart attack and died and I had to

Maria: 5:35

wait,

Brandy: 5:35

go through this.

Maria: 5:36

Wait, because there's so much more to that story.

Brandy: 5:39

Yeah, there's a lot more.

Maria: 5:41

And I think that this is one of, in my opinion, one of your biggest against all odds story. One of the biggest obstacles that I feel you have faced. So there's more to that story. He had a heart attack.

Brandy: 6:01

he had a massive heart attack in our backyard and I watched him take his last breath and my little brother and I had to do c P R on him, and we were told that we saved his life and. He was doing well and then he was gonna live, and then things changed and they were like, yep, not happening. he's pretty much brain dead. And we were like, what? Just three days ago you were like, he had all his brain activity, like he's great. Like we're just waiting for him. Wake up. So we were talking to him in the hospital and, and I was doing everything like, I'll divorce Tim, and I mean, that's not what I meant, but it was just, it was like anything, you know? And I remember Tim calling and I just fell apart because I was super strong. Super strong. I got my brother in the car. I was gonna drive to hospital. My mom was in the ambulance, took him like, went with the. Luckily, some family friends like was able to like grab me and pick us up and take us so I didn't have to drive. And Tim called and I remember like screaming bloody murder. Once I finally got to talk to him, he's like, I can't understand you, what is going on? And I told him, he's like, okay, well send an American Red Cross so that way my unit knows what's going on. So I did that and all the time I'm still waiting. And remember my parents just found out about a month ago I was married. So there was a lot of animosity going on. My parents were really mad at me. Both of them, they were. My dad was devastated. We got married on the Marine Corps's birthday and my dad was a Marine and he always wanted his a baby. Born on the Marine Corps' birthday. I was two days early and my little brother's four days behind. I got married on Marine Corps's birthday. It was all by accident. It wasn't intended to be that way, but that's what happened. And he was just like, you couldn't have even invited me to the, the wedding. It was just, it was a lot to take on at that moment.'cause he did not believe that we were trying to really have a wedding and we were really gonna do it the right way even though we did it the wrong way. And he was in, in Tim's eyes, he was just trying to give me something, if something happened to him, he wanted to make sure I was taken care of.

Maria: 8:17

Yeah.

Brandy: 8:18

And so to, the only way that was gonna happen is if we were married. So it, that's kind of the behind some of why it, we sped it up and not waited and did it the whole right way. And, and it really affected my dad. And that ate me up for years that I felt like I actually broke his heart. To the point that I had to have some therapy

Maria: 8:44

much needed.

Brandy: 8:45

So, and I felt like it was my fault. And then, and I mean, so can I know it wasn't, but

Maria: 8:53

obviously, yeah. Let me ask you this,'cause I know that he had a very strict, do not resuscitate.

Brandy: 9:01

Mm-hmm.

Maria: 9:02

Policy for him.

Brandy: 9:04

Mm-hmm.

Maria: 9:04

So in that obviously now he's in the hospital.

Brandy: 9:09

Mm-hmm.

Maria: 9:09

And what happens at that point?

Brandy: 9:16

He had his heart attack on a Saturday, and the following Saturday is when we decided to take him off life support. And that's when we were told like, this is how it's gonna happen. You either do this or you do this, you choose. And my mom, she had to do what was best for the family and him, and it was the hardest thing to watch as as a daughter. But I knew that's what he wanted. But for my mom's sake, she selfishly didn't want that. And I don't blame her. I don't blame her at all. Like, That was hard. Like yeah, it really, I mean, who, who wants to choose their love like that?

Maria: 10:04

No, that is something that I could never even fathom and imagine. And it is not easy.

Brandy: 10:13

And they had been married at the time, 21 years. Wow. So it, that's not, that's, I dunno, looking back now as an adult and having the life I have lived in the military as a military spouse and thinking how at any point that could have been my, a decision on my, my table that I just,

Maria: 10:39

yeah.

Brandy: 10:40

I'm so glad I haven't had to have that. It caught, it was hard for all of us. I mean, it was. Us as a family kind of did this and I think he had a good mediation for all of us and yeah, we all saw so much. Of course, it's funny, now that I'm involved, I see how much my mom was there. I mean, the things she did. And as a kid I didn't see that, you know, he, yeah, he's my dad. He's a superhero. He was,

Maria: 11:06

yeah. Oh, and Mr. Buffkin was like, I mean, I'm short, but he was massive. Yeah. He was massive and I am daddy's girl through and through, and I know that you had exactly that same

Brandy: 11:28

mm-hmm.

Maria: 11:29

Relationship

Brandy: 11:29

I remember in high school Powderpuff, like we had a game and it was our third year and we were due to win the game. And they just kept trying to make us lose and we shouldn't have won. But we were killing it. But we were killing it.

Maria: 11:44

I remember I was in that, I was in that one.

Brandy: 11:47

We were killing it and they just kept doing things to make it look like we were not the ones. And I remember my dad getting so mad and coming outta the stands onto the field. And I remember when we finally won, it was so weird. I didn't even celebrate with you guys. He was the first person I jumped his arms, it's just something, a memory that is so strong for me. Yeah. And I'm glad I had that bond with him. I'm glad I could had that because I never thought at 21 I would lose him. Yeah. You know, like you expect, you know, you're gonna lose your parents, but you never think it's at such a young age. Not before he walks you down the aisle or, you know, he, he gets to see you have a baby or whatever it may be like, like he didn't get to do any of that. And it was, it was definitely a challenge for our family. And that happened. He, he died in May and Tim came back in September. November we had a wedding, we had our real wedding. And Thanksgiving, November of 2005, I left to North Carolina and I was in a whole new world and not like Jasmine and Aladdin. It was what? Because. I remember a lot of times at the beginning of when Tim went to bootcamp, I remember my like when I was like freaking out, like, oh, he hasn't talked to me or he hasn't this, my dad would be like, Brandy, he's doing this. Brandy, he's doing that. Brandy, let's sit down and watch full metal jacket. This is what he's dealing with. I'm like, he's just dumbfounded because if you've ever seen the movie, they're very strict in it. I was like, oh, so that's what he's doing. And my dad could tell me because he had been there. Yeah, he had done it. So I was able to get, like he could bring me down when I was like, well, why haven't I heard from him? I haven't heard from him. What you doing? My dad's like, Brandy, he's probably doing X, Y, and Z. He's probably cleaning rifle. He is probably doing this. And I was like, oh. So it was like he was, he could help me process what was going on when I couldn't. Yeah. Do that myself. And then he wasn't there and. I was by myself. Like I just moved out. I just turned 22. We had an apartment and it was Tim, myself, and his buddies. And that was it. Like I didn't have any friends for over a year.

Maria: 14:11

Oh my gosh. Yeah. And this was in North Carolina?

Brandy: 14:15

Mm-hmm. Camp Lejeune.

Maria: 14:16

Oh wow.

Brandy: 14:16

We were up there and I had a great, that's probably my favorite time he's been in the Marine Corps because I was like, mama hen to all the boys. Like they came to my, they, this was, I really wish I had taken a list since day one and in like bootcamp three months this, this month. And just really said all the times that we had not been together. Like kept a calendar or something. Yeah, because those first four years he was in the Marine Corps. Their training schedule was seven months, deployed seven months home when they were home in that seven months. Monday through Friday, they were in the field. They didn't come out of the field. They went, they went out to the field, slept in the stars, the rain, whatever. And I was sitting in an apartment with a dog and knew not a soul. I didn't have a job. It was really scary and I thought I always wanted to be on my own, but I was like, oh, this is,

Maria: 15:12

oh, maybe not that much.

Brandy: 15:15

This is not as appealing, I thought it was, you know? Yeah. I'm like, I miss my mom. I miss my dad. I miss my brother. But I really learned a lot about myself over those years because I learned what I could take on.

Maria: 15:25

Mm-hmm.

Brandy: 15:27

And how strong I truly was, even though I was battling my own demons with my father still, because I didn't later go to therapy for that until that.

Maria: 15:38

Wow.

Brandy: 15:39

So my dad's been gone almost 19 years.

Maria: 15:43

Oh my goodness.

Brandy: 15:43

Oh, if that just tells you, it took me a long time before I decided to go, like actually face those demons. And even for a long time I was talking to a therapist and I didn't really get down to the nitty gritty of how I felt. And when I finally did, she just laid into me in a very abrupt way. But it was so good because I was like,

Maria: 16:04

it like shook you enough to, to

Brandy: 16:05

Wow.

Maria: 16:06

Yeah.

Brandy: 16:06

Mm-hmm.

Maria: 16:07

It was,

Brandy: 16:07

and it did.

Maria: 16:08

It was like what needed.

Brandy: 16:09

So, right. I don't, like, I don't have that power. I don't have that ability to have that. And it took like a huge weight. I mean, I still, obviously even all these years later, I still mourn my dad, but in a different way. It's not, it's not here any, it's not like,

Maria: 16:22

it's not guilt.

Brandy: 16:23

Yeah. It's not deep. It's not guilt. It's not that it's I just my daddy, you know? Which, and sometimes it's good, good stuff because I can talk good about him and it makes me happy and I love when I get to meet people that have known him and things of that nature too. So it's like, it's kind of cool to be able to full circle it for me.

Maria: 16:43

Yeah.

Brandy: 16:43

And, and then when I have a friend like you that has lost their father too, and being able to have a bond there, I always say it's a club that you don't really wanna be in. But it's nice to have others in that club that understand because people can get there and say that they understand, but until they've been through it, they don't understand.

Maria: 17:01

Yeah, I think that the fact that even over the last year when my dad was sick and like I felt that support in my, the friends that support and, and understanding,'cause I feel like my, all of my friends had the support, but the understanding

Brandy: 17:23

mm-hmm.

Maria: 17:24

It's to a totally different level.

Brandy: 17:27

There's so many people again, be like, oh, I completely understand. Like, until you've actually lived it, you don't understand it.

Maria: 17:32

Yeah.

Brandy: 17:33

And, and that's okay. I'm glad that you don't understand it. I'm glad that you haven't joined that club.

Maria: 17:38

Absolutely.

Brandy: 17:38

But I learned a lot to be, to have to be strong. Between my husband being gone so much and then losing my dad and being away from family and having no friends and, and I'm, I'm 22 years old, you know, and I'm like, you know, like, I got this. But then I'm like, my God, what am I doing

Maria: 18:00

so like in that time period, did you end up finding a job? Or how did that even start?

Brandy: 18:05

So after the first year I had been there Tim had gone on a second deployment. His first deployment I told you was kind of cake. I didn't move up there until afterwards. And our life was Monday through Friday. He was in the field, Freddy, he'd come out of the field, his buddies would come over and we would spend all weekend drinking and playing poker. And I was keeping him out of trouble. And they'd stay in my house. Their girlfriends would come and stay in my house. And like, I just tried to make friends. Yeah. But they were girlfriends that lived outta stage. So it only happened when they came to visit. And, but I had these boys and they were, we were, we were family and they would've done anything for me. And it, it boiled down to even their parents. Like one of the guys, his mom and dad like, would give me money. And they're like, this is just, I'm like, I'm not taking that. Please, please, you keep him out trouble. And I'm like, oh my gosh. And still parents still, you know. So, bond with these. It's something that nobody, and even when they would go overseas and then they'd have to come back early'cause they were getting on the Marine Corps, they stayed with me before they got out because they had nowhere where else to stay. Yeah. And so like, and Tim never had to question it because he knew we were just, we were, we were all just good friends. And somewhere in there I decided to get a job and I had finally met a girl in my neighbor, my apartment complex complex that had a weenie dog and I had a weenie dog. So we kind of bonded quickly on that. And she worked for Sally's Beauty Supply and she was like, we could use somebody. And it was literally, I could thrown a rock for my apartment there. It was so nice. Yeah. Especially compared to what I drive now. And it was just, it was amazing. So I went there and I, retail was my thing. I've been doing retail since I was 15. So I knew retail and then the beauty part of things I always enjoyed. But I started to kind of dabble a little bit more in it. And that was kind of cool and always thought maybe I'll go to beauty school. And then that particular deployment was really, really rough. A lot of things happened that I always say at the time, we were like, oh my God, I can't believe this is happening. But ended up being a blessing. Because like, they had these like platoons and Tim had been in this one platoon forever, and then right before they left, they opened up another one and he was with any, nobody had been working like, like training with, I was like, oh my God, you're gonna go over there with a bunch of people you don't know.

Maria: 20:30

Don't even know you.

Brandy: 20:31

Yeah. And you don't have each other's back, like over here. You did. They were the guys that were at my house. Most of, a few of them, I wanna say most of them. And I was what they called a key volunteer. I, I volunteered so that I could meet new people. I could meet new wives in the unit. So I wasn't alone when they deployed I'm an adult now and I'm married and my mom doesn't want me at home like, I need to be doing these things. I need to grow up. And it kind of forced me to have to grow up a little bit, you know, like, and I was this key volunteer and I got to be with some really amazing women and I, so I was the liaison between the wives and the unit. Oh. So I got to know a lot of things sometimes before Tim ever knew, which is always really fun. He'd be like, do you know when we're coming home? I'm like, sure do. He's like, you do? I'm like, yep. He's like, well when, and then you'd have to be all secret.'cause there's like, you gotta be secret. So I'd be like, yeah, you know, our anniversary. Well when we started dating minus three months, plus two, like, you know, you'd have to do this, you'd have to be all sneaky and, but that particular deployment, I had 10 wives at the start of it to call and be like, Hey, the guys made it. Hey, is there anything you need? Hey, this is what's going on. Please, please be around. By the end I had five fives because we lost so many people. And I remember our battalion commander's wife calling me and she's like, I just wanna check in on you and see how you're doing. And I was like, I'm doing really good. And then all of a sudden it was like waterworks. Like it was just like,'cause you asked me and I was, I thought I was doing good. But then when I realized, yeah, all that we were dealing with what the time, it was the people we were losing and it was just, it was something that sticks with me big time. Especially now that I'm older too. Yeah. Like just those things. And I'm like, and then it dawned on me, that could be my husband. I could be one It one of those,

Maria: 22:38

it's like mortality. Just like, like in the face.

Brandy: 22:41

Exactly. That could be my life. And that's that platoon I told you that was over here. They lost quite a bit of the guys in that. So it became a blessing that he was over here.

Maria: 22:52

Yeah.

Brandy: 22:52

You know? And it was just, it's, it's something you don't think at 22, you're gonna have to plan out your husband's funeral. Yeah. And, and I remember we had a time too around that same time where there was people that were really sick going around wearing Marine Corps dress blues, knocking on door doors and telling them that, that their, their spouse has been killed. And I was like, wait, who does that, first of all? But second of all, like, I need to get educated here. Like what am I to expect if that, if that happens? So I took a class and I found out what happens and I got, you know, and they were like, okay, well these are some questions you should probably ask your spouse. Does he wanna be buried in Arlington?'cause he rates that, does he want this? I'm like, oh my God. I'm like, I'm just, I'm just trying to find some friends.

Maria: 23:47

Yeah, I'm just starting my marriage.

Brandy: 23:51

I'm just trying to live a little bit of a life that's fun. But I'm really glad I was educated on that because I could always take that with me over the years and, you know, my husband's deployed like four or five times over the years. He's been in the combat zone after combat zone. Like, so I'm really grateful that I knew things back then and it helped me educate others and it helped me. Be able to be like, okay, I can do this and I can do this. And, and is January will be 20 years for him. And we currently are separated again where he lives in Camp Lejeune and I'm here and that's a challenge every day. I find things about myself every day that it probably wouldn't because as a military spouse, we'd sometimes lose who we are because we're always following them around. But at some point I needed to find me. Yeah. And being able to be here, I kind of got to do that. Yeah. And, and I will say we as a couple, back in 2011, we split up for a while.

Maria: 25:06

That's when we reconnected.

Brandy: 25:08

Right. So,

Maria: 25:09

cause you were down here.

Brandy: 25:11

Mm-hmm. I went to hair school and that was actually on Tim's recommendation. He was like, okay, if we're doing this separation, why don't you try to go to hair school and see? And that's when I found this passion that I didn't even realize I had. I kind of lost it over the years, but there I really just like, I love the people, I love it. I was like, wow, this is just, people are just unapologetically them and I loved it. And where you didn't see a lot of that in the military.'cause it's very structured. It's very strict. Yeah. It's, and that's okay too. But I realized I thrive so much more in this, this side than, you know, I love being a military spouse. I, I always, I al, I don't know if you know this, but I almost joined.

Maria: 25:55

You almost joined?

Brandy: 25:56

Mm-hmm. Yeah. So like when he went to go, he had, so when he joined the Marine Corps, my dad told him, you're so smart, you should join the Air Force. They have the most money. And my dad being a Marine, Tim was like, yeah, that ain't happening. I'm going to the Marine Corps. So he went to the only recruiter that was marine only and my dad's like, you're an idiot. And then my dad's like, well, you're really smart, so if you do really well in your ASVAB, you can do anything. He was like, my dad was infantry and wanted to be infantry. So he did, he could have done anything in the Marine Corps that he absolutely wanted. Wanted to go infantry. And I was like, alright, well you're doing this, like maybe I should join. He's like, can we, they have like a buddy program. I was like, I wonder if we could do this together. And then that way we would stay together and you know, I'm thinking I don't want my boyfriend to leave. So I, I was gonna join and I was just close. That's great. Except he had a recruiter that was, didn't like females. And I was like, all right, cool buddy. And looking back again, something that happened like this for me,

Maria: 27:03

life this happening for you.

Brandy: 27:05

I do think I would've made a great service member because I love this country more than anything. I've been saluting the American flag since I was old enough to know what it was. But I'm definitely a much better spouse. But I definitely have such a, a love for the life, sometimes more than I think he does sometimes I'm like, Are you like,

Maria: 27:30

I feel like though it might be because he has experienced it in a totally different way, right. Than what you have. It's gonna be skewed perspective what he portrays as like the military life and what you have seen as military life. Right. So yeah, I mean that makes total sense that he's kind of like whatever. Yeah.

Brandy: 27:54

He doesn't, he doesn't see it the same way. For him, he was trying to prove my dad that he was good enough, is really what he was trying to do is like you in the Marine Corps, I'm in the Marine Corps infantry. I'm infantry. Like he was playing that game, you know? And I have to, I have to kind of like, that to me is a moment of falling back in love with him when I think about that, because it's like the things you did. Which you changed your whole life. Changed our whole life. Like it's really a fantastic life. Yeah. And it's hard, but the things that I, I just, I wouldn't change it because even the, the crappy parts of things were always some sort of learning and some sort of like, okay, I can do this. Can I, can I change a tire? Hell yes, I can change a tire. And I have changed a tire on every freaking car I've owned. Like, you know, things that I didn't think I could do, you know, I had to really,

Maria: 28:51

you've become like ultra independent

Brandy: 28:55

mm-hmm.

Maria: 28:56

And self-sufficient. And that is something that doesn't happen often when you have someone that you can rely on all the time.

Brandy: 29:05

Mm-hmm. Which is kind of funny when you think about it, when I told you earlier how you kind of don't know where they end and you begin, but you, as soon as they're gone, It snaps in. And I never had children to have to like to pave that road'cause we didn't have any children. But like, I watched people like have a very strict routine all the time. And then their husbands came in and just messed it all up and it's like, yep. And they get classes too, being like, don't come in and trying to play like you've been gone seven months. Like this is how it needs to be doing. Like mama's been running the roofs back home all this time. Like, you won't come back in and, but then you get the guys that come back in and just don't do anything, you know? Yeah. Like both sides of the stories. But like, luckily I didn't have that, but I did have a very, I had a very routine just to keep myself, okay. I do these things. I, I, every other weekend I go,

Maria: 29:58

yeah. That keeps you going.

Brandy: 29:58

Mm-hmm. Count by and not, not days that they're gone or weeks that they're gone. You count by like paychecks. So there's five paychecks, still's home, there's four paychecks, still's home. Just something to make things shorter and you put things into it to give yourself the ability. But Murphy's Law, what will, what can happen will happen while they're gone. And that, those are the moments I have to like, okay, man up. We figure it out. Yeah. I don't, I don't have the man around to do it. So, so it's stuff I've had to really teach myself over the years and that's where things I think I've really overcome a lot. And then all in that I still, we went through like, found out that we couldn't have kids. So there was that, and I didn't want, I, there was a while there I didn't want kids. And then when I finally did, we, we found out it just wasn't in the cards for us. And I was like, as much as I wanted them at that point. I had a good friend that she was going through some severe I V F and I was listening to it day in and day out and miscarriage after miscarriage. And I just knew I was not in an emotional state to be able to deal with that, go through all that. So I just, the way I looked at it is if it's meant to be, it's meant to be, and if not, then we get to be aunts and uncles to everybody else's kids.

Maria: 31:16

Yeah. And my kids love you like Aunt Brandy

Brandy: 31:22

It tends to be that way. Like, and we have a couple God kids and, and we, we love them and we took him my 15 year old brother-in-law when he was 15 and that was a whole other aspect of craziness for us.

Maria: 31:35

Yeah. You got to like surpass all of the little crazy, you went to the big crazy of a teenager. It's not easy.

Brandy: 31:45

Like I got a violent shove into. Teenage world. And I was like, whoa. And it was boy, a boy no less.

Maria: 31:52

Yeah.

Brandy: 31:52

Like I'm a female, so if it would've been a girl, at least I could have had something there. But like, and Tim not being around deployed, I'm the one taking care of this boy. Like, gotten girls in my house and I'm like, what do I do? Like you want me to what?

Maria: 32:07

Yeah. That's so crazy. So how do you feel like you adapt yourself to change?'cause obviously there's been a lot of change. Do you have all of the places that you lived?

Brandy: 32:24

Well, I, I have a tattoo for every place I lived.

Maria: 32:28

Oh, that's awesome.

Brandy: 32:29

Every, I have a tattoo for every duty station lived in. So I get it in that duty station, and that's kind of like, and it's, it's nothing special.

Maria: 32:38

Yeah.

Brandy: 32:38

Like, it's nothing like about that life. It's just a tattoo from that area. So like, this one's from Camp Lejeune. The one's on my feet are from Para of Silent. The one behind my ear is from 29 Palms. So like, I've done something like that to kind of make a memory Yeah. Of each place. I enjoy the change. I know change can be hard for a lot of people. But I really enjoyed it. I always really, it's almost like you get to reinvent yourself each time. Yeah. So if you're in a place where my earbuds keep slipping on my ears if you're in a place that things are just really not good and you have a crappy job, and you're like, this sucks. Like, you're just like, okay, six months we're out. We're out. You know? And that actually happened to me when we were in California towards the very end of. Right before we left, I got sucked into a really weird situation. Like a bunch of the, my coworkers became really mean girl status, and it was very hard. It was really devastating to me because I was friends with all of them. And then all of a sudden, one girl came in and she changed all their thought processes. And something in me kept saying, it's, it's her, it's her. But I, nobody would talk me. I mean it. And it was, it was like, I'd walk into work and it would be all of them and me. So it was super awkward. I mean, I went home in tears almost daily. So it was like, change. Yes, please.

Maria: 34:09

Yeah.

Brandy: 34:09

You know, because I knew I didn't do anything wrong there, but at the same point, like, I need to get out of this because it's toxic.

Maria: 34:16

Yeah.

Brandy: 34:17

So I was able to do that, and you're from Florida, we don't have these beautiful mountains and we don't have anything like that. So when I was in California, I saw purple skies and I saw mountains, and in the distance there was snow cap mountains. And I was like, oh, like, yes, I'm in the desert. It's 120 on a normal day, but I'm in a beautiful place. Something so different that I wouldn't have in Florida. So that changed for me was I tried to, when I, when you say the home is where the heart is, I tried to really, truly do that. Like I tried to like just when, as as a military spouse, you get put in these places, you either need to figure it out or you're gonna be miserable. So my thing I always tell people is, With that change, just go into it and find things to do. Immerse yourself in the community

Maria: 35:12

location. Yeah.

Brandy: 35:13

Yeah. And go do the things, because that's the only way you're gonna realize if you love it or you hate it.

Maria: 35:19

Yeah.

Brandy: 35:19

And guess what? If you don't like it, you move in three years,

Maria: 35:23

there's gonna be change soon.

Brandy: 35:26

So if you can look at it that way. Yeah. I think that really helps with the change. And I think that that's how I always try to look at it, is we like, I mean, I lived in the desert for almost five years. Okay. The desert, it's called 29 Palms, but they call it 29 stumps because it is just,

Maria: 35:46

there's no palms.

Brandy: 35:48

We'd have McDonald's in subway. Like, I mean, when we got there, we got there at night and everything was lit up and it's nothing but brown and dirt and sand and, I mean, and it's, and and you didn't get a lot of rain. And when it did rain it was flash floods, so everything was flooding. And I mean, it was just, I was so not used to it, but it was so interesting.'cause I would never see that here.

Maria: 36:15

Yeah.

Brandy: 36:15

It would never be, not like you have greenery, like step outside and it's green, whether it's weeds or grass. You still have greenery.

Maria: 36:22

Yeah.

Brandy: 36:23

You know, we're out there. You didn't have greenery,

Maria: 36:27

you have brownary,

Brandy: 36:29

everything was brown, and you just kind of were like, What am I really, you know?

Maria: 36:34

Yeah.

Brandy: 36:35

So it, I just enjoyed that part of the change. And I had to learn, I'm always learning when we move, because we find a house and then I get thrown into the house and he goes to work. What am I doing now? I have to find a job. I have to get the house together. I have to do all these things. So I find myself overcoming things that maybe I wouldn't have done if I had just lived a normal kind of crazy life. Like, I mean, maybe I would, but like I was very fortunate in my younger years to not have anything tragic or not have anything to even think that, that anything was tragic. I mean, I lost my grandfather in 97 and I remember being like, oh my God. Like, it was the first person I had lost, and then it was my dad next, you know? I was like, whoa. And then I moved, started a whole new life, you know, and I was like,

Maria: 37:22

yeah.

Brandy: 37:23

I just wrecked my world in all of like six months. Adapting, I think that that's the biggest thing you can do. But I am at the point in our life that I'm ready for like some roots.

Maria: 37:34

Yeah.

Brandy: 37:35

Because I mean, 20 years of moving around every three to four years,

Maria: 37:39

Yeah,

Brandy: 37:40

it can be a lot. And now that I'm older too, like I can't do the things I could do in 20, you know, I'm not,

Maria: 37:47

listen, you can, you can like pack a house like nobody's business.

Brandy: 37:52

I can

Maria: 37:54

and un pack a house. Massive skills.

Brandy: 37:59

I sold my house two years ago and I had covid and I still is figuring somehow Yeah. That I, again, something I learned, you know, because guess what? That's kind of what I had to do. I had to just, you, you just adapt. And I, I guess over the years I've really figured out that I'm stronger than I ever thought I was. You know? And losing my dad, I could've loved to have figured it out a different way, you know, not losing him, you know, but it's, but it also, I have a great relationship with my mom and I am blessed for that. So I think that all of it really,

Maria: 38:38

I think that, that the absence of does do that. I feel like after my dad passed away, like I was there for all of it, and I feel like after my dad passed away, there was more of that connecting with my mom. Oh yeah. Duh. I mean, not that I never, I, you know, didn't connect with her before, but it was like so overshadowed by

Brandy: 39:07

mm-hmm.

Maria: 39:07

The connection that I had with my dad, like, I worked with my dad since I was eight years old and he had a jewelry shop and like I could barely look over the display case and I was working with him and so, Like that time that like you would normally get with like your mom and she would show you how to cook and all that. I never did any of that. People ask me why I don't like to cook. There you go. I just always,

Brandy: 39:35

that's funny.

Maria: 39:36

Spent time with my dad. So it has been kind of a like, eye-opening. Oh, well like duh,

Brandy: 39:45

and I think that like, looking back at the same situation with me, like my mom worked and I didn't really get a lot of one-on-one time with her and it wasn't'cause I didn't want it, it just, she was busy and then she had three kids and she still trying to get, you know, dinner on the table and bags and all these things. And dad had more time off during the week'cause he, he was a firefighter so he got to have that. I mean, I, I was pa I was his little helper. I was painting in the garage with him and like, where do you think I learned to slew the flag? Like I was, that's what happened, you know? But like, I'm grateful now that I can have this with her. And I, and, and it's uninterrupted now too. Like, yeah. I, and it's kind of like I get the full circle in the end. Like I get my dad and all this that good, great times that I'll never forget. And then I'll have times with my mom that I'll just, I can

Maria: 40:41

cherish in the same way.

Brandy: 40:43

Yeah, exactly. And I think I'm just really very fortunate that I, because I don't know, honestly, I'd like to think my mom and I would be close, but I don't know if we would with my dad being in the picture.

Maria: 40:56

Yeah.

Brandy: 40:56

And I don't know if she wouldn't be living here. I probably wouldn't be living here. Like, and this has helped us get closer too, because I, we eat dinner together, we go to the pool together. We do a lot of things together. I, we drive, like when we go somewhere, I'm usually the one driving and we do it together and. I think it helps that, that, that we have that bond now that it's,

Maria: 41:19

yeah, absolutely. And I think that's awesome. And when I asked you to do this, you were like, well, I know what I would talk about. You have an amazing story. The military life isn't for the faint of heart at all. And I think that that makes you stronger and adaptable and resilient to so much. And so you have an amazing story and I've definitely felt like your story is something that people go through and, when you are in this uncertain time of whether it's deployment or anything like that, there's people that are dealing with that and trying to figure life out, and the fact that you have the ability to just guide people in that scenario.

Brandy: 42:16

Well, I feel like I've always wanted to give back to like the younger spouses because they get such a bad name and like, I hate, one of the big words they use is like, depend upon misses. And I absolutely hate it because I'm like, why am I, why? Because I'm a dependent, but I work too. These ladies that stay at home and have kids and they're doing stuff like they're still working their butt off now. But like I've always just wanted to like help maybe mentor that, that like younger crowd of girls, you know?'cause if you don't have somebody, like I had my dad that was able to like, no, that's not like he's doing this, he's doing that. And I think so many of them, their marriage doesn't last. And yes, ours, we had a split there for a while, but we worked through it and we've been through some really difficult times over the last 20 years.

Maria: 43:13

Yeah.

Brandy: 43:14

But we still work through it and I just, I've always wanted to kind of maybe write a book kind of about our life and how I've done things on the military aspect of things. And I just think it would be kind of cool to just be able to like, Help that because let's say our military's not going away. Yeah. So there's always gonna be spouses. And I love when you find, I mean this doesn't happen much in the the Marine Corps, but in the infantry. But like a male that comes in and now he's a spouse and it's like, whoa. Like

Maria: 43:49

yeah, it's totally different.

Brandy: 43:50

Yeah, it's different. And I have met a couple of them over the years and they're like, how do you do it? And the only difference is I'm a military spouse. So, and yes, there's different things. Obviously my husband deploys where, but a firefighter's wife that's hard to be that spouse.

Maria: 44:05

That's a whole, the hard role to be in.

Brandy: 44:08

Exactly. And same with the cops or doctors. Like there are still jobs out there that are very difficult to be the spouse of or the girlfriend and the pushing through sometimes when it it's hard is what gets it through. Yeah. You know, there was a one, one time when he was a drill instructor and that was a really hard duty station and that was where I split, like I came here, we were still in contact, but we were kind of split and, and then we got back together right before he left there and he had a, a colonel that sat him down and it was him and his buddy and he was like, you guys, you had a great time on, on the depot. You were meritoriously promoted. He's like, you had all these great things. He's like, but the most important, do you still have your families? Because they teach them so often. Like, you don't need a family, you don't need a spouse. So when it came back, and I was like, that was, you know, both of them were like, by the skin of our teeth, we have our family. Yeah. They were like, it was so nice to finally be seen. Yeah. As, and ironically, that same colonel just commented on a post about me the other day and I was just like, oh, you know, so it's just, you make impressions on people too, in this life. And so I just, I think that I've never thought this is how my life would go. However, if you know the song Brandy. From 1970, whatever, by the group Looking Glass, it talks about her being in love with the military man.

Maria: 45:42

Oh really?

Brandy: 45:44

Yeah. The whole song is about how she's in love with this, this sailor. And he loves her, but he's also in love with the sea. And she waits around and she waits for him and to go full circle with my dad, he says something about a locket that bears the name of the man that Brandy loves. And when I was a little girl, my dad always would say, it's says daddy, it says Daddy. And then when my dad died, I had a few friends that didn't even know they did this, but they got me a locket and I have my dad's name in it.

Maria: 46:12

Aw.

Brandy: 46:13

So it was like my song and then my life, I'm like, dad, you manifested my life. And you didn't even know it

Maria: 46:20

threw a song.

Brandy: 46:21

I'm like, literally became my life, you know? And I don't, some days are hard. Most days I love it. And every, every day I learn something new and I'm like, wow.

Maria: 46:35

Yeah. Yeah. So how do you then stay very present to putting yourself first

Brandy: 46:45

well, I definitely struggle with that. I mean, you've seen my journey and I do struggle with that big time. And I, I think I really struggled with that up until about 2018 and when I joined the same company with you. And I think that that has helped me. That group of ladies is almost like having military spouses. So it, it kind of gave that bond in a way. And it, it was about working on me.

Maria: 47:15

Yeah.

Brandy: 47:16

That, and I learned that it was okay to work on me and I'm not the size I wanna be or I'm not, but I'm. Working. And I think those are the things that I have to be grateful that I have that, because even when I get down, and sometimes it's yearly around my dad's anniversary, it usually happens.

Maria: 47:40

I know because that she, she ghosts me at that time period. I, I kind of know.

Brandy: 47:45

I ghost, everybody,

Maria: 47:46

I kind of know when things are happening because yeah,

Brandy: 47:50

but every May, the beginning of May, I lost my dad the end of May. I had to put my dog down a couple years ago and both of like, and she was my, I have two dogs now, but she was my ride or die. She was there when my dad died. She was there when Tim deployed. She was there through every deployment. She was, she was my ride or die. She was the definition of that for me. And so putting her down, it was just so, so hard. And for that month up to it is really rough. After it's really rough. And I do, I ghost people, everybody. She's not the only one.

Maria: 48:21

No,

Brandy: 48:22

I just stopped talking to people. But I definitely think that I'm trying to be more intentional about things and I'm trying to work on more of mindset control and things that I didn't know what that was, five, 10 years ago. I didn't know what mindset was and like positive talk and positive affirmations. I didn't know what any of that was. And then I met you through all this stuff and you were spewing that, and I'm like, what the, this is

Maria: 48:53

crazy girl.

Brandy: 48:54

Too much positivity, girl. But I'm so glad that I've learned things along that way too. And I can use these in the military world too. we don't all have to be friends and it's okay. Yeah. Like, you don't serve me in a way of bringing positivity to my world. I don't need to keep, you don't need to suck me down. And I've learned that where I'm still a people pleaser. I'm very much a people pleaser, which is I'm working on, but that's, I've learned to be able to like, be okay with people that leave my life even though it's hard.

Maria: 49:26

Yeah.

Brandy: 49:27

Because you know what? You weren't meant to be there.

Maria: 49:29

Yep. I always say people are in your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. And some people are just reasons or seasons, and that's all that it has to be.

Brandy: 49:41

And you know, and, and I believe too, I believe in second chances. So I mean, I have friends that left my life and came back. I believe in that, but I also believe I'll cut you out a lot quicker this next time because I'm not, I'm not here to like, I'm here to protect me.

Maria: 49:59

Yeah.

Brandy: 49:59

And my energy, and if you can't understand that then, and that's where I think I really have tried to work on that myself, With the life and like right now with being separated with my husband, him being up, and when, by separated, I mean he, he's geo bacheloring and he's up there and I'm here. That's hard.

Maria: 50:20

Yeah.

Brandy: 50:20

We've been doing it three years this month. That's hard.

Maria: 50:24

Crazy.

Brandy: 50:25

If I didn't have my personal development and I didn't have just taking care of myself in a different way, I think I would be curled up in my bed every night. Like, it would be a depression. It wouldn't be,

Maria: 50:38

yeah.

Brandy: 50:39

I didn't realize that I was in a depression. I never thought I was until Tim pointed it out and I was like, what? I'm not depressed. He's like, yeah, you're, then I look back, I'm like, maybe I have been, and now I am aware of it. So when I start to get there, hence when I ghost people, I'm aware of it, stick in it, but don't try not to stick too long.

Maria: 51:00

Yeah, yeah. It's okay to feel all the feelings. Feelings are needed and you release, but you bounce back when you're aware of it. I feel like it's so much easier to be like, all right, I'm feeling all this feelings. I, I'm gonna bounce back a lot quicker.

Brandy: 51:18

I think this year I really did that.

Maria: 51:21

Yeah. Yeah, you did.

Brandy: 51:22

And I don't know. I don't know why, but I feel like I've just been more intentionally, I wasn't doing a personal development daily, but I was doing it more often. Yeah. Because something else happened in my life that was a little rough last year and I really poured into some personal development there and then, then I kind of trickled off, but it was

51:44

always still kind of there. So I think that that helped.

Maria: 51:47

Yeah.

Brandy: 51:48

So then May came around. I didn't. I didn't get real deep into it this year, and I was able to pull myself out of it a little easier.

Maria: 51:56

Yeah. I didn't get ghosted for a whole month and, and more.

Brandy: 52:03

No, no.

Maria: 52:05

But yeah, I, I definitely can see like, and she's been working even more on this now. She's actually like reading books. Like

Brandy: 52:18

that's, that's, that's huge.

Maria: 52:20

Yes. That's really big for me.'cause I, I'm not a reader, I don't like to read. And finally I was like, you know what, 10 pages a day

Brandy: 52:28

you can do that. Yeah. And Monday through Friday, I take it to work. I read, I try to read before my day starts and it can be challenging'cause I don't always get like, and right now I'm actually reading more than 10 pages. I'm reading one chapter a day. And I have to read today's chapter because I got, was so busy at work today. I didn't have the opportunity to take a few minutes to try to read, and I didn't get in there early enough to get it to, but it is now become something I really, I've, I've already got two books lined up

Maria: 52:56

Yeah.

Brandy: 52:57

So I'm preparing myself and I feel like as long as I have that, that's being intentional, that's giving me the extra, and it's keeping me out of the funk when it happens where I get into a funk and I can snap out of it a little quicker.

Maria: 53:12

Yeah. I love it. So I love it. I love it. It makes my heart happy because again I seriously now it's been what, since 2018 that we are consistently in each other's lives.

Brandy: 53:30

Mm-hmm.

Maria: 53:31

Minus the, the ghosting sometimes, but it feels so amazing to not only have you in my life, but know that I've had this like, huge long history with you.

Brandy: 53:45

Right.

Maria: 53:45

And that like, I, I think I have like pictures of us, at Epcot field trip or something like that.

Brandy: 53:53

Yeah,

Maria: 53:54

we used to work together at Target

Brandy: 53:56

that's right.

Maria: 53:57

I actually found a bunch of pictures of you and me at Target in our little red shirts,

Brandy: 54:04

khaki.

Maria: 54:06

It's so cool that I have that history with you and I can now like have, like I, again, I have you in my life on a daily basis and I think that that's just, it fills my cup and

Brandy: 54:19

it just goes to show that like I. Even though we, we met each other In middle school and we were really close for a while in high school, and then we kind of split away a little bit and then got close again, and then, and then kind of we, you had a life, I had a life. We kinda, and then came back around 2011 and we've been consistently, kind of in our lives since 2011. But then in 2018 everything really changed. And it's like, and

Maria: 54:48

yeah.

Brandy: 54:49

And even if I, you do, I do ghost you, I still know without a doubt that at some point I'm gonna have a message from you like,

Maria: 54:58

yep.

Brandy: 54:59

W T F, what's going on?

Maria: 55:00

What's going on?

Brandy: 55:02

Is it that time? But I always know you're there.

Maria: 55:06

Yeah.

Brandy: 55:07

You know, and to me that's, that's something I can cherish because in life, we lose people as friends and things happen and sometimes people you didn't think would, you would lose. You're like, wow, I'd never thought would that would ever happen. And and they ghost you and truly ghost you. And, but I feel like no matter what, there's always something there for, for us. And now even bigger with losing our dads.

Maria: 55:31

Like yeah,

Brandy: 55:32

we have that. There's a bond that just,

Maria: 55:36

I absolutely agree and I just, I think that it's, it's so cool when you can pinpoint your reasons, seasons and lifetime people.

Brandy: 55:48

Yeah.

Maria: 55:48

And it's, it's very like looking back, okay, I know who my, my lifetime people are. I know who my seasoned people are and I know like the reasons that these people were in my life. And it's mind blowing and eye-opening and it just makes you learn a lot more about yourself and about like the things that you, the boundaries that you have and that you will honor and the people that respect those boundaries. And it's just, it's so amazing what, like, looking back at like our lifetime, what we can see from just the people that come into our lives.

Brandy: 56:35

Yeah. And I think it's something too, you like look back and you're like, well, I didn't think they'd be there for a lifetime, but they are. And I thought they would be, but they're not. And it's sometimes you're like, wow, I really judged that wrong, but I'm glad I did because this is where it's supposed to be.

Maria: 56:50

Yeah, absolutely. So, absolutely. Well, my friend, it was so good to talk to you Thank you so much for joining me today on this episode. You are episode 11. Look at that, that is, that number has popped up already twice for us in the last like little bit that we've talked. So I thank you so much and for my listeners, thank you so much for joining in today. I hope you enjoyed our chat and I can't wait to talk to you next week. Have a wonderful day. Thank you for listening. Peace out of your life.

57:29

Bye.