Against All Odds Podcast, The Less than 1% Chance with Maria Aponte
Maria highlights stories of people that have been the "less than 1% chance" and have come out of their situations thriving and seeing life as happening FOR them and not TO them! Inspiring and empowering stories that will show you that against all odds you can make it through anything!
Against All Odds Podcast, The Less than 1% Chance with Maria Aponte
Rachel Chase's Triumph Over Tribulation and the Healing Power of Reiki
Have you ever witnessed a phoenix rise from its ashes? That's the kind of rebirth and resilience you'll experience through the eyes of my guest, Rachel Chase, who shares her incredible tale of escaping a fundamentalist Bible cult and healing from sexual assault. Our connection, forged in the transformative fires of Reiki healing, illuminates this episode as we unwrap the layers of her journey—from the shadows of The Way International to a beacon of light for others navigating their paths to recovery.
Rachel's story is interwoven with personal narratives of confrontation and catharsis, where choosing life over longstanding destructive patterns becomes a testament to the human spirit. We'll recount the intense crossroads of life decisions that led to moments of "dark night of the soul," and how facing potential overdose pivoted to the relentless pursuit of self-awareness, stability, and growth. It's a tale not simply of survival but of the quest to forge an identity from the fractured pieces of a past life.
In the healing tapestry we unravel, empathy and energy work emerge as powerful threads, guiding us through trauma recovery and the complexities of emotional regulation. Rachel and I delve into the intricate dance of managing anger, codependency, and the transformative power of therapies—from Kundalini yoga to acupuncture. Prepare to be moved by stories that not only captivate but also shine a light on the profound impact of self-discovery and the courage it takes to reclaim one's life after upheaval.
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Website: www.rachelchase.com
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Welcome back to the Against All Odds the Less Than 1% Chance podcast with your host, maria Aponte, where we will hear stories of incredible people thriving against all odds, and my hope is that we can all see how life is always happening for us, even when we are the Less Than 1% Chance. Hey, hey, welcome back to Against All Odds the Less Than 1% Chance Podcast with your host, maria Aponte. This episode is going to be absolute, just amazingness, because I have, seriously, one of my favorite people on this planet on with me today. I met this amazing human being. I want to say was like late, early 2017, late 2017 in that range, because my friend was like oh my gosh, I have somebody that I want you to meet and she's studying to be a counselor and needs test subjects and you're. And I was like, okay, when I tell you I met this human, and I was like, immediately it's like this gravitational pull and ever since then, if she's around, I need to see her and hug her. And it's like an immediate hug from just this most amazing human being ever.
Speaker 1:This is Rachel Chase. She is an out of the box counselor, mentor, healer. She's living her calling as a space holder, which comes after years of being a performing and visual artist. She's a sexual assault survivor and was raised in a fundamentalist Bible cult. So she has gone through a lot of things against all odds, and I can't even express how much peace just being around her is, and I'm so excited for you guys to meet her and fall in love with her, just like me. Rachel, welcome to this show. You have a very big thing with this show. You started it all.
Speaker 1:So we'll talk about that a little bit later, but hi, honey.
Speaker 2:Oh, maria, thank you for that amazing introduction. I'm so excited to be here with you, too, and to have this conversation and to celebrate this amazing thing, your podcast. As you said, it really did kind of get birthed in a thing that we did together. Maybe I might talk about that first, if you wanted to.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, let's dive into that one. So about two years ago it was around this time around two years ago I reached out to Rachel and so actually a little bit of backstory after our first quote unquote mock counseling session that we did for you to get like licensed and all that stuff, Right, that was for my master's degree at Rollins college, so it was during the process of my master's program.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So while she was doing that, I met her and she was looking for someone that she could, like, maybe create a story with, and our friend Emma was like oh, I have someone that doesn't need to create a story, she is the story.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was like, but you could just fake it, and it does, it's okay. It doesn't have to be a real story. You're like, I'm no problem, I was just so grateful that I had someone that was open and willing to do it in a real way.
Speaker 1:It was all just me and my story. And and then I find out that she not only is doing this master's program to be a counselor therapist, however, she is also a Reiki healer and she does yoga and all of this stuff. That I had no idea what that was and I had an experience, before you, with Reiki. I didn't know what the heck it was. Yeah, I just knew that I went to this healing energy massage one time in Miami and I had this incredible experience Like I cried the whole hour that I was there and it was so needed. And then I'm like what's Reiki? And she introduced this whole new world to me and I did Reiki certification one with her. That's right. Yep, I also did virtually Reiki certification.
Speaker 2:I couldn't remember if you did both one and two or just that's right. You did level two with me online when I was after I moved here to Washington and I was doing the virtual trainings and you came in for one of those. That's right. That's awesome. I'm so glad you got to do that.
Speaker 1:Me too. I feel like I need a refresher Anytime, anytime. I did a few sound healings meditations with her while she lived in Orlando area. It was just like when I saw her and hugged her, hello, everything just melted. Stress melted. And I was going through so much stress at that time and it just felt like melting of all of it and I was just like, oh my God, I could hug you forever. Oh my gosh, I totally, I feel it. It's so crazy.
Speaker 1:And so two years ago around this time, my dad was really not doing so well and I had a lot of stress, so much, and it was pandemic. And my oldest daughter was graduating high school and moved out two days later and it was just so much stress on me and I was like I feel like I need you. But at this time she had already moved to the Pacific Northwest and I was working for an airline and I was like I could get to you. How can I do this? What are we going to do? And she had correct me if I'm wrong, it's a quantum healing session.
Speaker 2:Yeah, quantum healing hypnosis.
Speaker 1:Yes, I was like I want that, let's do that. And I was like that I just I feel like I need to heal so much and I booked a weekend where she was staying with her and and I remember going up there and I was like this is like a solo retreat. I get solo time with Rachel and I'm gonna have this weekend that I need so bad. My dad was not doing so well, like it was just so much chaos you're at a crossroads, for sure, at that moment.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I go up there and had the most peaceful, magical weekend, and that's where this birth it was, and we were staying.
Speaker 2:My husband and I were staying uh in this, uh three-month rental on the columbia river because we were right on the water, remember, and the grass was. It was it was early summer, and so it was just so beautiful that time of year and you came out and we would meditate on the grass, look over the water.
Speaker 1:And I set up that guest room.
Speaker 2:All nice for you. Yes, the birds, all the birds and the deer coming around and really magical, and I set up that room for you and then we did this session and, of course, we went through all these questions first right.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like I went through all the questions. What are you needing most at this time? If you could get any answers from your higher self and spirit, what would it be? What are those deep answers you're seeking? And you had some powerful questions.
Speaker 1:I found out a lot during this session. I've talked about this before, but I was a twin when my mom was pregnant. She was pregnant with twins, didn't know that she was and ended up having a miscarriage and I stayed. So that was like my first against all odds moment in utero and I always had this like connection to. I felt like there was something missing in my life and it was like that other half of me was missing and I always wondered whether it was a boy or girl. It was like this abandonment that I didn't even know. That was what I was feeling and it was so just mind-blowing because in all of this I got to heal that part of myself. Oh, it was, that was such a powerful moment during the session.
Speaker 2:I remember it vividly, such a powerful moment during the session. I remember it vividly Watching you go through the realization of what was coming through for you, because in those quantum healing sessions a lot of times, whatever were being shown the client, you in that case were going through like kind of past life experiences, going through the past in your life and all the way back to the womb yeah, and you're in a full, like meditative state, but you remember everything most of it. Some people remember more than others just yeah, clarify you remember just about everything.
Speaker 1:Some people need the recording yeah, and I had to go back to the recording for that part with the podcast. That part I had to go back to because there's a lot of details about? Yeah, there's a lot of details and so I do feel like that I needed the recording about. But I remember, like all of the different time periods that I experienced, it was just, it was mind blowing my heart, right now is just exploding.
Speaker 2:Thinking about it because it was so powerful and I remember the energy in the room watching you was just amazing and there were just like this glow. I remember this glow around your head. So when I'm holding space for those I have to kind of keep myself super neutral, right, but it's also just so amazing to witness what you're going through. I'm on the outside, I'm not in there.
Speaker 2:You're the one going through it. But I'm out here and I get to be privy to this amazing, incredible, deep, intimate, private personal connection that you're having with yourself and your truth and this like excavation process that you went through and you really had. You know, it's because you had such a strong intention, marie. Yeah, you were so intentional and you were so clear and you were so available, like okay, just wherever this goes like, let's just allow it to come. And boy did it.
Speaker 1:I remember that towards the end you were like is there anything else your higher self wants you to know? And boy, against all odds, the less than 1% chance come out in that.
Speaker 2:It was incredible.
Speaker 1:This podcast, the name and everything, was birthed in this session, with Rachel and chills all over, and I remember having that very deep inside, knowing that I wanted to make a difference, that I wanted to bring these stories to the world because I'm here against all odds, right. And so I was like I can't be the only one, there's gotta be so many people. Like I can't be the only one, there's gotta be so many people. And if we could just be the light for others to see that, whatever they're going through, they've got this, that they can overcome anything, because life happens for us and not to us.
Speaker 2:But that there is another side, and your download during that session was so crystal clear. It was like an instruction. It was like here's what you're going to do. This is the thing you've been wondering about. What's next? Here it is, it's your podcast and this is what it's called, and this is why you're doing it. It was like it was given to you.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, it was the best gift, I swear.
Speaker 2:And it was from yourself. You brought that through because it maybe it was hidden underneath things that you know cause with all, like you said, with all the stress and the overwhelm and all the responsibilities that you have in your life and taking care of your family and your father was going through his health decline, if you will that time. Underneath all that is this thing in your solar plexus saying hello, this is what's coming.
Speaker 1:When you're ready, when this, or maybe when you're not ready, here it is yeah, yeah, because it came then, months after he passed, I went to a mindset conference and my mindset coach was like what have you been holding off on? Like what is a goal? And I'm like the podcast, definitely and he was like you're gonna take massive action on something for that goal? And I created, against all odds, you stepped right into it.
Speaker 2:So beautiful, it was the coolest thing. I feel that there's a dedication to your father in this podcast, in a way.
Speaker 1:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:His love for you and everything that he gave you and his guidance. I mean so cool. I just feel that timing and that connection.
Speaker 1:So it's been so incredible. I walk for 45 minutes outside and it's just amazing how crazy to me that I feel so connected to him and to earth and mother nature, and I can hear birds that I never heard before. I know a cardinal chirp immediately I could feel when he's around, and then two seconds later I see a cardinal and I'm like, oh my gosh, you're here, and so I feel like I feel this like connection, and every time that I just tell him guide me, I feel like it's helped my grieving process so much to know that he's not gone, like he's still around me and that I could still talk to him and have conversations with him. He hears me and he gives me those signs that he hears them it's the coolest and that's it.
Speaker 2:The signs are all around us, the presence. I feel the presence of my loved ones who've died. I really do, sometimes some more than others, at different times, and but I can definitely feel them, sense and hear them sometimes and see them. Even in my mind's eye. They'll pop up, you know, especially when I'm going through something heavy or like I really need to support or I feel all alone. All of a sudden I'm like we're right here.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we've got you.
Speaker 2:That's where, like, all of this started, and so can I say one quick thing about the quantum healing? I just want to tell your listeners that Maria and I had that powerful experience during an in-person session, but I do most of these sessions through zoom or on the phone.
Speaker 2:I mean, 85% of my sessions are online and the experience is just as powerful, just as meaningful, just as deep and just as amazing, the things that come through and the guidance as the same, there's no difference in terms of what the client gets to experience in terms of being held. Client gets to experience in terms of being held in the space and the connection, and so I just wanted to put that out there, cause that's, to me, is what's so, also so amazing. Every time I do a session online or in person, I'm always just like wow, wow. I'm like I'll just be, I'll be amazed.
Speaker 2:I have to go walk afterwards and just sort of like celebrate the amazingness of the power of consciousness and intention and the communication, and when we go into those zones together that it doesn't matter time and space, don't they go out the window? We're in and we're in the liminal, we're in the in-between together, and so it's amazing and wonderful that we could do it in person, because we love to also do other things in person, but I just love it so much. I get so excited talking about it.
Speaker 1:That's so awesome. I love that so much. Yeah, I want to get into a few of the things that you've been through, because, oh boy, oh boy, like I knew some of these things. I didn't know all of these things. So I'm excited to hear from you being raised in a cult. I want to hear about that and how that has shaped you and affected you?
Speaker 2:That's a great question. How has that shaped me and affected me? So my parents met in this group and they were very young. It was during the time when the 60s and early 70s, everybody was like looking for the new way and it was peace and love and disconnecting from the old ways and finding new ways. There was all these fun groups being created, but then also there were all of these high control groups being created. It was like a big explosion of cults in America and around the world really, and these are groups with a charismatic controlling leader and basically you just surrender your whole life to this group and you leave everything else and now this is your life. Now I don't want to get into a big thing on cults. Necessarily. I will just answer your question like how did it affect me? But just to give everybody an idea, there's a spectrum here and this is a huge topic. So I'm just going to talk about my experience.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And in this particular case, I was born into it and raised in it and my parents traveled around the country. They didn't travel a lot. They were placed in certain spots to be leaders of this area and we had different terms for what that we called things. We have our own language for things. Once you get into cults, you have all these terminologies and stuff. So there were a lot of good things that happened in my experience because I was shielded from the toxic shit that was going on in a lot of ways were happening I wasn't privy to necessarily from my perspective as a child.
Speaker 2:There were, however, a lot of other toxic things that I was privy to that I didn't know were toxic, of course.
Speaker 1:Yeah, cause you were raised in it, so you don't know. This is just normal.
Speaker 2:Right. So, on the one hand, the fun thing about being a kid in this group was that there were a lot of other kids to play with, there were a lot of other families to get together with, and so we didn't. There was a headquarters of this group. I will say what it's called it's called the way international. It still exists and it's based in new Knoxville, ohio. We didn't live at the headquarters the whole time. We lived at the headquarters a little bit when I was young and then later on, when I was nine, 10, 11 years old, we lived in the same town, but not on the property proper, although my parents did work there on the properties. It was.
Speaker 2:It was rough moving around all the time. I will say that we moved every six months, oh God, and that was due to a lot of different factors. My parents' marriage was no bueno. It was very, very hard between them. There was some splitting up and getting back together when I was a baby and very young between them, and they fought a lot, and so my own just like experience in the home was always very disruptive in that way. However, they both also loved me a lot. Yeah, so there was a paradox between a lot of a very deep level of unconditional love from both of my parents and also two adults who were completely lost and being led along this path by this guy and not really giving me the kind of upbringing maybe I needed to be able to flourish and in some ways, yes, gave me a lot of confidence to be myself. But in other ways we were given these teachings, these sets of teachings of how to live your life.
Speaker 2:Right now, my mom started to kind of wake up to all these things that were going on behind the scenes. I'm not going to name them right now, but they're really bad stuff that was going on. So my mom starts to wake up to what's going on. The leader dies and then the vie for power kicks in and that's all a mess and she starts to go wait a minute, we got to get out, I got to get my kid out of here. I got to convince my husband and get my kid out of here and she made a plan and she worked toward it and did and finally, in 1987, when I was 12 years old, we left and we moved back to Central Florida, which was where we had been before.
Speaker 2:We went out to Ohio during those years and I was born in Los Angeles, california. So both of my parents met after both having joined this group. That's how they met and got married. They were sent to California. That's where I was born, and California was crazy, florida was crazy, ohio was crazy.
Speaker 2:So we leave, we come back to Florida and I am pissed. I am a 12 year old, angry, angry, angry little girl. What the hell? This whole time this has all been a lie. What am I supposed to believe? So, essentially, I'm hardcore, abandoned, and I'm hardcore, pissed at God, if there is a God, because you told me all these things. So maybe you're all lying about everything. For all I know, you're a bunch of liars.
Speaker 2:And you took me from this place in Ohio, which I actually loved because we lived in this little town and I knew all the kids there and we would play outside all day long, out in the country, you know no crime and we moved to longwood where it was this huge middle school, greenwood lakes middle school, gigantic middle school. I'm like where am I? What have you done with my life? And so, from ages 12 to like my basically 28, 29, I'm living in a reactionary mode and then my parents divorcing at 15, which was actually a relief for me. I had always known they couldn't make each other up, but still it was hell. The divorce was not easy, the split up, and then mom and I moving in, finding our own place.
Speaker 2:And then at 18, I said, sayonara, I meet. I met a mom and I moving in, finding our own place. And then at 18, I said, sayonara, I meet. I met a guy and I moved in with him. Then I met another guy. I moved in with him and then I moved to Lake County and then I got into drugs and then I got into a downward spiral. I lost my boyfriend to overdose. I blame myself because I had left him to save my own life, but then he died just a couple months later. So then I went into a further downward spiral and I kept going in this direction and I got into another abusive relationship and another one.
Speaker 2:I was kept trying to go back to school the whole time. It was like I got to get back to school, I got to get my degree. I got it, you know, and I'd like go and then drop out. Go and drop out. And I lived in Tallahassee for a while, went to Florida State University tried to finish school there. I was in communications, tv and radio production. I still did dance. I still was doing like some dance performance stuff. Like somewhere in all this I'm like up and down and all around me, yo-yo, spiraling down you were looking.
Speaker 2:You were looking for you trying to find myself and in this milieu of people. That didn't quite get me. You know I got a DUI. It was not a pretty sight those years and I met a wonderful, dear person who became my very best friend and we're still best friends to this day, at age I think I was 25. And we had this synergy of music. We both loved music, so I was a dancer and she was a musician. We were like we're gonna get out of here, we're gonna get the hell out of here, and we left Tallahassee and we moved to Tampa together in 2002. We get there and it wasn't long after we moved there.
Speaker 2:I'm taking a nap in the afternoon and I go to wake up and my left body wouldn't move. My left side of my body was frozen. What, yeah, frozen, totally frozen. If you look at this trajectory in hindsight, I'm 48 now, right. So I was 27. As I reflect on all this, and now, maria, did you know, I'm working on a book right now. So I was 27 as I reflect on all this, and now, maria, did you know, I'm working on a book right now. Can I tell you that?
Speaker 2:So, I'm like she's going to be so excited and writing this book. It's been a lot of this reflection. Looking back at all of these I call well, I'm not the only one who calls them this but these initiation moments, the crossroads, the rights of passions, the times that are either ecstatic would get married and yay or hell, where the body shuts down. And now it's your millionth wake up call, right, so I was 27. So if you go back to 12 years old, you see the trajectory. So I'm like. The whole time, though, I always had this feeling inside of me that I had a personal connection with the divine, with God, with source, whatever you want to call it. I had my own personal connection with it, him, her, all that is that I had to keep hidden, like the teachings that I was given in the cult was like, yes, we have a relationship with God, but it's to be done in a certain way, and if you do it wrong, you're possessed with devil spirits and you're going to hell.
Speaker 1:I grew up Catholic, I still consider myself Catholic and even then, if you're not this way it's, you're a sinner and like you're going to hell. And I feel like if I was raised in. We go to church every weekend and that is a must in order for you to keep that connection with God. And I feel like I've had a connect. I have my amazing relationship with god. I feel that connection. I'm a good person, I do good, my intentions are always good, so, like why do?
Speaker 1:you have to tell me how my relationship with god has to be yeah, and if I don't, then I'm being punished.
Speaker 2:when? Where did god say that exactly? That I don't see yeah, and if I don't, then I'm being punished. And where did God say that exactly that? I don't see that anywhere in there. I don't see that in the way that you're interpreting it, as if you're not this, then you're that yeah, wait a minute. Whoa? Was that what Jesus was saying? I don't think so. Pretty sure he never was talking about that.
Speaker 2:So it's like you have to do your own internal soul searching on this right and having a religious connection can be absolutely beautiful. It can be all that you need for your nourishment. It's just that when there are these man-made stipulations to kind of control people, that overlays onto it. That's where we have all our problems in the world. So there's this undoing of that. For some people and I didn't, of course I felt all alone. And as I've grown I realized I'm not alone. And for so many of us, we feel all alone in that because we don't feel safe to talk about it, because we're afraid of being judged or being looked at in a certain way, or maybe we don't even know how to talk about it because, well, no one's ever talked about it with us.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So you kind of get stuck in that trap and then everything just seems so fake. Oh, I go to school, go to dance, I was very much, and everything just seemed so fake. Oh, I go to school, go to dance, I was very much. Dance was my thing, you know, like dance was my savior. But the way that I could have my connection with God in a just a pure way and feel my artistic expression, was an expression of that.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And so I was at the dance studio every day after school for hours. We would do rehearsals. I was in the dance company, we were doing competitions and performances and recitals, and you name it costumes. I would wake up, sometimes in the middle of the night, and go downstairs asleep, sleepwalking, and be like mom, where's that piece of my costume? I can't find it. She's like oh, this kid is stressed, oh my God.
Speaker 2:But I was trying to be the best, yeah, and a lot of that was instilled in me in the cult, because the idea of being the best, the chosen ones, and all of that kind of puts a little bit of pressure on you. Yeah, yeah, you know, do you have to be? You have to shine the brightest, you have to be the one you know. And so, on the one hand, the teachings of christ are in there, somewhere, yeah, that are saying let me show you the way to be in love and compassion and therefore be the light. Yes, and so somewhere, all that gets distorted. And then here we are with these, this pressure. So dance was my saving grace. Thank god for the dance studio, thank god for all that. I'm so grateful.
Speaker 2:And then I hit a wall with that too, at 16, I don't want to compete. Yeah, I do this because I love this and this is burning me up. And a lot of the girls that I looked up to and dance would go off and graduate high school and then go on, but then they would go on to do things that I don't want to go be a Vegas showgirl, I want to go be a competitive ballerina in New York City. I mean, I could have a scholarship to Juilliard wow, I auditioned for Juilliard, wow, I mean. But it was like there was something in me that was just like no. So my intuition was strong and of course, you know, there's the times we don't follow intuition and we start to run it, lose, forget oh, I have go everywhere what I didn't know, I hadn't, who gives a shit about.
Speaker 2:So that crossroads was like I quit dance. And that's when I kind of started really rebelling. My parents got divorced and then I quit dance and I was like party girl came out, that was it. I started escaping into party land and then I was like, oh, you mean, I can just escape my life. Okay, let's do that for a while. And so I did, and I became very good at that and ran into all those walls and, as you said, I was searching for myself. I was going down into the depths. You know that book, women who run with the wolves.
Speaker 1:I've never heard of it.
Speaker 2:Oh, maria, maria, Maria Maria, where is it? I usually have it sitting around here. It's by Clarissa Pinkolis Estes Dr Clarissa Pinkolis. She is a mentor to many. She wrote this book called Women who Dance With the Wolves, and it's a seminal work and it shares stories, all these cultural stories that we come from, and there's a thread in these stories about where a woman needs to go find her wild self. Yeah, in these stories about where a woman needs to go find her wild self, yeah, to break free from the conditioning of the domestication of this world that puts us in these boxes yeah to go find her intuition again, to go let her hair down and go, but in the process it can feel like hell because we have to go into the darkness.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh yeah, the dark night of the soul. We hear that term, that it's where we lose faith, where we forget who we are, where we have to strip down to nothing to then recreate ourselves.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And people talk about ego death and this is part of that. And so that was my time for those years to go through this rite of passage, all those years through the darkness, and my soul was leading my way, even though I didn't know it, and those few times where I had these experiences, where I was just on the verge of overdosing, it was ecstasy that I was doing too much of. Yeah, and this is way back in the day, right, this is in the nineties rave culture. I was in rave culture and all of that, and which, on the one hand, was great because it's dance and it's celebration of life, but on the other hand, you have this dark side that's very prevalent, and so I do have this very particular memory of lying on the living room floor.
Speaker 2:This is before we moved to Tampa, still in Tallahassee, and I was going to go to the club that night. I'm like all getting ready to go to the club and getting ready, but I'm going to take a nap first and I lay down and I feel like sleep, paralysis, where you're frozen, you can't. So I thought, oh, my God, I can't get out of this, I'm just going to. And part of me said, fine, I'll just let myself die. Part of me was like I'm gonna fight this, I'm just gonna let myself, just gonna let it happen away, and all of a sudden, is that really what you want to do? You do have a choice. It is up to you, though, but is that really what you want to do? You have a choice. You can live a life of the things that you know you're actually here for, because I always had that feeling like I'm here for more than this yeah, oh my gosh, yes you know that feeling like I'm not being shown.
Speaker 2:It's not in front of me, I do not see the proof and I don't, nor do it. No one else is, you know, indicating. There's nothing indicating. I'm still working at the restaurant, I'm still working through school. I'm still in these shitty relationships with these guys. Whatever here I am, like I'm still working at the restaurant, I'm still working through school, I'm still in these shitty relationships with these guys. Whatever here I am, like, I'm still. There were glimpses, there were some relationships or some friends, but friendships were great, but man, I just couldn't get out of the self-destructive rut when I'm like I don't see the way out, really yeah. So that's why I was like I guess I could just let myself go. But then this voice are you sure you want to do that? You do have a choice, and it was like a profound moment of choice. So, okay, I'll stay.
Speaker 1:I'm so glad you got that.
Speaker 2:Oh honey, I'm glad I made that choice too. Boy am I glad I wouldn't be able to experience this amazing life I'm living right now. I made the choice. I think that was the year that we moved to Tallahassee, and so then that thought, that's when the body said, okay, this is the effect of everything. I probably had a mini stroke somewhere along the way. Essentially is what might've happened we? It took a while to figure it out. I went to a neurologist and actually what happened was that was a huge gift, because I get to the neurologist, she does this we did the MRI and they found a swelling in my brain.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2:And I freaked out. She said it's probably, but I don't know, but most likely it's multiple sclerosis. And I had no. I was like what? That sounds horrible, sounds bad, it sounds like a death sentence. I went on a research bonanza, yeah, and at this point in my life, maria, I already had the mindset that I knew that there was a mind body connection and I had already done enough psychedelics to see the other side to believe and know in my heart of hearts that I could heal myself with my mind.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I had a strong enough connection with that belief. I actually got the Ram Dass book Be here Now when I was 21. And so I knew there were teachings, and I was also curious in reading some Buddhist texts that someone gave me when they dropped out of school and I was like there's this whole thing here of the inner world, but I didn't have a teacher, I didn't have anyone to show me, so it was just kind of like I knew it was possible and so I decided I was going to do that. And that's when I really asked for help in a way I had never done. I didn't really know how to ask for help, and that's when I finally just did. I surrendered like a let go of control universe and I broke down and finally asked for help. And that's when the gifts of healthier groups of friends came in.
Speaker 2:I started doing healthier things. I got scared straight. I quit smoking, drinking and doing everything. I was still bartending, though. So that year I cleaned it up and I got my body into a better place. But I kept slipping and I had my slippages for a while there. For another couple of years I was still drinking too much. After that year I was like I'm fine now and you can kind of like say oh.
Speaker 2:I'm good and I'm still young enough to kind of not quite fully see my consequences. Yet. Yep, my actions, thinking I'm all grown and I got this, that's the thing. You're late 20s, you're almost 30, I'm a grown-up right, which, yeah, I shouldn't. I got this, I should know this, uh-huh so it took a little while more time to keep working through all these demons and stuff. And well, I'm going to take you into another thing, another down. Yeah, right before I met my husband, I was actually raped by a man who I trusted.
Speaker 2:Oh so I go through that healing crisis. I start to do better. I get heavy into acupuncture Right crisis. I start to do better. I get heavy into acupuncture Right and I learned a lot through my acupuncturist, dr Eric Jarman, tampa, florida, who helped me a ton. Thank you, eric, for everything you've done for me and my former partner, boyfriend at the time. Eddie. Thank you, eddie, for your vegan influence in my life and everyone else. Thank you, you know who you are. You were a great influence on my life at that time. Lisa so many people were there at that time in that moment and Laura. So I get on this healing path. I'm teaching a dance class. This is before I was raped by the man who I trusted. This is still. I'm still in the in-between, getting help, like here's the thing I'm teaching a dance class at a senior center.
Speaker 2:During that time, as I was bartending too and co-leading this dance class, and one of the students in the dance class, one of the women there who was part of the senior center there, bonnie I confided in her about what I had been through in my body and I was still healing this left side of my body thing and at the time I had a cyst in my breast as well, and I could. And she asked me can I give you Reiki? And I said what's that? So this was my moment, like with you oh what, what, what's that? And she just gently said, well, I'm just gonna put my hands on your shoulder and you can just breathe and we can just keep talking, and you know just, I'm just gonna bring you some loving energy, that's all. And boy did that feel right. And let me just say, during that time too, my mother, my stepfather, were very much supportive and I was still in touch with my dad. So anyway, so, Bonnie, I told her I wanted to know more. She brought me to her Reiki teacher's home in Newport Ritchie, gary, gary Schineller from my heart, gary from my heart, from my heart, gary from my heart that's his moniker, it's his thing, gary from my heart.
Speaker 2:And Gary looks a lot like Ram Dass too. I don't know if your listeners know who Ram Dass is. He's one of my favorite spiritual teachers, pretty much my favorite spiritual teacher. And Gary looks a lot like him Tall, similar mustache, just like a big smile. I'm like are you from Dallas? So I started, basically I went to his house. Over the course of about four months I would go meet with him and I went one-on-one and also to some of his little small gatherings, and during one of the gatherings the topic was boundaries and I had no idea what a boundary was what are you talking about exactly?
Speaker 2:I was. He was like first we're going to reflect on boundaries, what are they? So write down what a boundary is and then we'll talk. I'm like sidewalk, road fence, edge of the lane, the wall of my house.
Speaker 1:I'm like oh boy, okay, so much work just this.
Speaker 2:so this was just the beginning of the therapist that you see now in front of you, that moment with Gary bringing me into showing me how I can use energy with my own hands on my own body and meditate and breathe in a certain way and channel energy in a certain way and connect with the earth in a certain way and connect with my chakras in my body in a certain way and use this energy for my own good and start to understand these things like healthy boundaries. So 27 so that's talking 20, 21 years of this journey of becoming me and in that process, so fast forward to when I was sexually abused by someone I trusted who drugged me. This is when I'm closed.
Speaker 2:Prior, during that year, my husband and I had met at a Ram Dass retreat in Maui and it was a huge opening and breakthrough in my life to go to that retreat. I was not looking for anyone. I had recently broken up with my former partner and I was definitely not looking for a new relationship, but I always knew I wanted it. You know I wanted the right one and Adam was there. My husband, he wasn't looking for anyone either. And Adam was there. My husband, he wasn't looking for anyone either. He was going through his own stuff.
Speaker 1:Adam is amazing, by the way, just that I just want to put it in there, Isn't he though?
Speaker 2:He's such a wonderful artist and being and husband and human. So shout out to the wonderful men out there we love you guys. Thank you so much. Thank you for being wonderful and doing the work.
Speaker 2:Prior to this happening, adam and I met and we were doing a long distance relationship because he was living in Los Angeles and I was in Tampa. We went back and forth for 13 months. Right after we met, the restaurant where I worked was having their holiday party. It was January, it was like a late holiday party at a bar and that's when it happened that night afternoon. So that energy was something that was debilitating for me to experience on an emotional level, and bring that into our marriage was very, very hard, and we have transformed it and healed it together. Yeah, it's been amazing and I have so much support with that and and I just want to say, as you know, this whole thing of against all odds, with support and trust and faith and guidance and doing the work, we can shift this stuff. Doing the work, we can shift this stuff. We can, we can heal it on all the levels. So thanks for letting me go down that memory road, honey.
Speaker 1:Of course, thank you for your vulnerability. So when my first ever experience with Reiki, I didn't even know what that was, what I had experienced, no idea, no clue. I worked in the travel industry for 11 years and my destination was Miami, and so I would travel once a month. So 25% of my month I was traveling down there for work, and so I made friends and my clients were my friends, and that's just my personality. Like I, yeah.
Speaker 1:I feel like I do better business with my friends than I do with, like, complete strangers. So for years I had helped one of these hotels like really get into the wholesale travel market and flourish, and we sold, we did good, we did good business. One of my friends which was the sales director. She worked at a hotel called Canyon Ranch and she was like Maria, you have to do this. Just trust me. She knew my story and so forth and she's like just trust me on your week that you're down here, you'll stay and I'm going to book this service for you. It's going to be my gift, thanking you for all of the amazing business that you guys have brought. Whatever and I was like sure At a spot I am down Like this was no idea she's like just be prepared, allow anything to happen, like if you feel emotional. And I'm like what is she talking?
Speaker 2:about.
Speaker 1:It's a massage and she's like and the girl's a little eccentric, but just be open. And I'm like okay, so I come in and she like sits me down and does the little intake at the beginning and I she's like is there any sensitive spots? I was like I am all good except for my lower back. That hurts to the touch.
Speaker 1:it's hurt for years I've never been able to get a full body massage because it that lower back just hurts to the touch. And she was like, okay, no worries, I don't tell her anything. Yeah, and it's this beautiful space it's all white at. I didn't know what they were at the time, but there was sound bowls everywhere.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:And it was just airy and just like very relaxing. And so she's like all right, go ahead and lay down. And I lay down face down and she starts with the sound bowls and I'm like what is? This, this is awesome and she starts with the sound bowls and all I feel is her hands, like kind of like right above my body my back and I was like okay, this is weird.
Speaker 2:Okay, just in the space above. This is weird, but it's all right, but I'm open.
Speaker 1:And then all of a sudden, with such intensity yeah, I felt it, the intensity more than she was actually more than actual pressure, but she pushed down on my right hip, lower right hip, and Rachel, I lost it, oh that release you needed, oh my gosh, and and as she like was like oh, I feel a lot of sexual trauma right here and, as she said here, like it, I spent that whole hour crying.
Speaker 2:Oh, what a powerful, beautiful.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, I was like what is happening and it's like one of those moments you cry because you're laying down, you're stuffy and you're like I don't want my snot to come down, but it was just tears and tears and tears. It was just this overflow and I was like what is happening? And she kept at it and then the sound bowls and kept at it and I was like, oh my god, it was just like this overwhelming feeling of like relief and I was like, oh my gosh. So I asked her.
Speaker 1:I was like how did you even know that? She's like, I just felt it and I was like, okay, who are you Like in my mind? And so my friend was waiting for me afterwards. She's like we'll have dinner afterwards and it was like this biggest emotional hangover I have ever had in my entire life. I remember after dinner we went just to the beach and I was just like what just happened? And she goes. I know me too, that same like you feel, like you're in a trance of just like emotions and finally helped you connect to them and free them all that trapped energy inside.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah, can I tell you that since that moment I've never had back pain like that, ever again yeah yeah exactly I didn't know that it was reiki. I didn't know what energy healing was. I until I met. I didn't connect the dots to like oh whoa. I've experienced this before.
Speaker 2:This is now I understand. This is what this is and that's what was happening, and you could put it together.
Speaker 1:And it was just so profound it was the most because when I was 16 and I was raped and I stayed quiet right for three years I had no one knew anything and I don't tell anyone.
Speaker 2:It's a shameful thing, so it stayed stuck in my lower back.
Speaker 1:It stayed stuck in my lower back and I could never like I have big hips, like I didn't. I couldn't explain to my like.
Speaker 2:In my brain I was like all that protection all that guarded protection, that we do, that we keep ourselves safe. You know that's our safety, that we, that's what we do and it was just like oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:And when I met you that I then like started to understand, I was like that's what was? I had this like amazing angel that came into my life for that one day.
Speaker 2:That completely helped me release so much All the human angels along the path.
Speaker 1:All the human angels that come along our path.
Speaker 2:And you are one of them for so many people too. Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1:You're definitely one of mine, so I, yeah, absolutely each other's angels, yeah absolutely, I feel like going through those things. You find this like sort of and like extended empathy for others and just this, knowing that I honestly, I don't even I don't feel any resentment towards the person that did this to me. I feel lots of empathy because you have to be in a really dark place to do something like that to somebody right and there's a.
Speaker 2:there are different layers to that and as far as that darkness is concerned, and how someone can do that to someone else and what the things are that lead up to that happening, and it's just it takes time to get to that place. At first. It's not so easy to get there.
Speaker 2:There's confusion and anger and shame and sadness and betrayal and so many things, and it brings up a guilt even of oh if only I wouldn't have this and that and if I should have known that you, you know all of that shame, and so there's a process of undoing and healing that and working through that. It's making me also think of some other things that your question about the cult and how that affected me, and the word I want to make sure I say here is codependency.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:And that's a big one that takes a lot of undoing and is connected to why we doubt ourselves and why we feel like we can't be ourselves, and which is a huge topic that we don't need to get into too much right now, but that is a big piece of the healing process is to get into too much right now, but that is a big piece of the healing process is to wake up to our own codependency, take responsibility for that and then learn how to regulate our own emotions and feel safe in ourselves and look at all these parts of who we are and thank them for having served us.
Speaker 1:I had an amazing session with our friend Marie this past week and I had experienced anger and the night before I just came in and I was like, oh, I need this so bad. So we did a sand tray and I feel so comfortable talking about this. I so believe in the power of therapy and really being able to understand, to love all these parts of us, because they're all in us, and even the parts we don't like we think we want to get rid of and, in fact, especially those parts yeah exactly.
Speaker 1:Well, this was one. I was like I don't want to feel this way. And she's like Maria, think of anger as an alarm in the morning. You wake up at four in the morning because we've talked about that and do you turn off your alarm or do you let it just keep going? And I'm like no, I turn it off and I get up and she's like great, so this is anger, anger is your alarm and anger is the one part of you that truly knows your worth. And I was like oh, oh, my gosh, because I struggle with that and I think we all like. I feel like sometimes I feel like I'm not enough or I'm unworthy of something, and anger knows my worth.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and knows the protector.
Speaker 1:It's, the it's who's protecting me, and I'm, you know it just standing up for it. It's like yes, and she's like so you could choose to do it. One of two ways you can allow anger to continue to sound that alarm, and that's if you don't turn it off Right, and that would be you reacting to anger and spewing it at that moment. Or if you turn off that alarm. You take a moment and understand that part of you and then speak up for yourself.
Speaker 2:Yes, and I'm like speak up for yourself and then do something either remove yourself from a toxic situation, if that's what's continuing to happen, and or both, and also say what you need and say no and say no, this is what it's supposed to be. Damn, because we're told you sit down, shut up, look pretty girls don't talk. You know, and even men, guys I mean guys have such a hard time with their anger because it's like to be feared like uh-oh. If he's angry it's going to be aggressive. So they suppress their angry because they don't want to get mad. They don't want anybody mad. It's just like this dual thing suppress it for our reasons, they, they suppress it for their reasons. And then we have the explosive problems you know later on down the road, because we didn't learn that we could use our anger and that it could be used in a healthy way.
Speaker 2:So that's so powerful, oh, I love that you shared that experience with me. Thank you.
Speaker 1:I just think that all of these things that we go through, there are different parts of us that that are there for our well-being and they're there to protect us and they're there to show us that it's OK to have all these parts of you and there's that we can learn from them.
Speaker 2:Exactly, there's wisdom.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And all of them. They're all parts of us that have wisdom and are important to listen to, absolutely so how do you feel you were affected by the sexual abuse?
Speaker 2:So I definitely went into shame and my body shut down and it was very hard for me to communicate what I wanted. I was feeling very. I was feeling like I should have seen the signs and then things that were going on in our lives. When we got together, adam and I were very hard. There were a lot of family things happening that we had to tend to and so I had to sort of bypass. So I thought I had to.
Speaker 2:I bypassed my own needs and to show up to be in service. And it was twofold how the bypassing worked. I did emotional bypassing just so I could survive, which is very common and not necessarily bad or good. It's just a mechanism of what we do in order to get through the day Right. And also I did a lot of spiritual bypassing. I just want to say real quick that spiritual bypassing on the one hand yes, we need to look at that and on the other hand, it kind of gets a bad rap sometimes. So that's a little controversial, because I did use Kundalini yoga and meditation to get out of my pain and that actually did help me on this level, but I was still left with the stuff under here.
Speaker 2:It did strengthen me in these ways, so that I could then go back under here and do these things. So some might say I totally spiritual, bypassed all my pain, but I didn't stay there. So I think it's all about do you stay there or not? What are you using to?
Speaker 2:go back down, yeah Right, and so there's these layers, but yeah, it's an amazing thing to look at that. There's the human psyche and what we do and how we do what we do to cope with things in the moment, and those coping mechanisms at first get us through and help us survive, but then, if we stay in them, that's when we really need to look and notice that they're actually end up hurting us in the long run. Such a conundrum, yeah, it's what the body needs, at first for survival, and then over time, we got to change that.
Speaker 1:So yeah, absolutely. So. What daily habits or rituals would you say helped you get to this level of where you are now? Profound gratitude.
Speaker 2:Yeah, connecting with the things that bring me joy and peace long walks, yoga and meditation sitting and just being reading a book calming my, my nervous system. So I'm also creative, make art and I write. So for me it's not always. For some people they have their same ritual every day and for me it's taking long pauses between things. Being with friends. Friendship, connecting with my friends, is so big, such a big part of the joy in my life and really my healing arts practice in the serving and helping of others. I receive so much.
Speaker 1:There's a lot of healing for yourself in even helping somebody else too.
Speaker 2:Isn't that the truth? And nature nature, nature, nature, nature, nature.
Speaker 1:I told my friend yesterday. I was like I think you need to go hug a tree, go hug a tree.
Speaker 2:Get out there and hug a tree. Get out there and take your shoes off.
Speaker 1:Put your hands on the tree.
Speaker 2:Put your forehead on the tree, get in the water, take deep breaths. Breath work, yeah, lots of breath work. Move the energy, jump up and down, dance wildly, somatic healing. So every day, I do something with my body to move the energy.
Speaker 1:So I love that so much. Oh, my gosh, rachel, we definitely need another one, I know right, I think there's just I could talk to you forever. We definitely need another one, but thank you so much for this. This was, this was so good for my soul and, I hope, for the soul of our listeners. You seriously have made such an impact on my life, so thank you so much for everything. Seriously, I feel like you've been instrumental to me.
Speaker 2:Oh, sweetie, it is an honor and it's all about answering the call and I love you and I am so grateful. Thank you for having me on your amazing podcast.
Speaker 1:Well, you guys, I hope you got as much as I did from this conversation. Thank you, thank you. Well, you guys, I hope you got as much as I did from this conversation. Thank you, I'll put all of our information on the show notes. Thank you so much for listening, watching wherever you are, capturing this Peace out. Love your life. Bye-bye.
