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Against All Odds Podcast, The Less than 1% Chance with Maria Aponte
Maria highlights stories of people that have been the "less than 1% chance" and have come out of their situations thriving and seeing life as happening FOR them and not TO them! Inspiring and empowering stories that will show you that against all odds you can make it through anything!
Against All Odds Podcast, The Less than 1% Chance with Maria Aponte
Rebuilding Life: Overcoming Domestic Violence and Finding Joy with Elisha Lee
Can you transform your trauma into a beacon of hope for others? Join us as we uncover the incredible journey of Elisha Lee, an ordained minister and licensed counselor from Maryland. Elisha's harrowing escape from a domestic violence situation, catalyzed by her son's courageous intervention, stands as a testament to resilience and transformation. Through support groups and therapy, she not only healed her own wounds but also found her calling to help others heal. This episode underscores the crucial steps of addressing personal trauma to foster a safe and loving environment for oneself and one's children.
What does it take to guide your teenager through relationship pitfalls without overstepping? In another compelling segment, I share my personal experience in navigating red flags in my daughter's long-distance relationship. Through the practice of meditation and exercise, I maintained a calm demeanor to address controlling behaviors and emotional manipulation exhibited by her boyfriend. This chapter highlights the importance of fostering open communication, allowing our children to make their own decisions, and evolving as parents by acknowledging our mistakes and setting positive examples for handling emotions and conflicts.
From surviving cancer and overcoming depression to shedding weight through a home-based dance program, our final story is one of incredible personal transformation. We explore the power of consistency, mindset, and intentional relationships in healing from trauma and reclaiming one’s identity. Drawing inspiration from mindset coaches like Tony Robbins, this episode emphasizes the shift from victimhood to empowerment, encouraging listeners to rediscover personal joy and break free from limiting beliefs. Tune in for a transformative discussion that champions resilience, personal growth, and the importance of creating lasting legacies.
Find Elisha:
Instagram: @elishasleecounselor
Website: www.elishaslee.com
GrowthDay app offers tools, content, coaching, and community for self-improvement and success.
Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.
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Welcome back to the Against All Odds the Less Than 1% Chance Podcast with your host, maria Aponte, where we will hear stories of incredible people thriving against all odds, and my hope is that we can all see how life is always happening for us, even when we are the less than 1% chance.
Speaker 2:Hey, hey, welcome back to, against All Odds, the Less Than 1% Chance podcast with your host, maria Aponte. I am so excited for you guys. Listen to a new friend of mine. Her name is Elijah Lee. I'm just going to intro her really quick and then we are just going to get started, because we almost had a whole podcast episode prior to hitting record.
Speaker 2:It was amazing. We connected immediately. It was awesome. So Elijah is an ordained minister and a private practice owner based in Maryland. She has been providing personal counseling services for over seven years. As a solopreneur, she extends her expertise as an author, the voice behind Elijah's space podcasts and an inspirational speaker. She's a licensed counselor. Her practice offers a welcoming and empathetic environment for those grappling with depression, anxiety and trauma, providing various modes of interaction, including in-person telehealth and group therapy sessions. Okay, so we connect again on so many levels already.
Speaker 2:So, I am so excited to introduce you guys to Elijah how are you today?
Speaker 1:I'm so excited to talk to you. Me too. It's awesome.
Speaker 3:Thank you for having me on the show. It's an honor, Maria. Thank you so much.
Speaker 2:Thank you. Thank you, welcome. I'm so excited, so give us a little bit of backstory. I want to hear how you got into this space and a little bit of your story.
Speaker 3:So me getting into this space has been a full circle moment. I always felt like one of the purposes or one of my foundational purposes in life is to assist and support people who have felt like they've been forgotten or not noticed, or felt like others considered them to be insignificant, to a degree right, and I never knew how to really address that. So over 20 years ago, I was in a domestic violence situation. That experience was a catalyst for me because it led me down to the trail of becoming within my own healing circle or journey. It led me to this path of becoming a licensed counselor.
Speaker 3:The moment I knew to leave was it was the last time we were together and my now ex-husband said that he was going to kill me. And yes, and so he. He had a knife to my throat and I was up against the wall and on the side corner of my eye I saw my son, who was early six. Now I have twins, twin sons, and at that time they were early six. Their birthdays are in April.
Speaker 3:This happened, I would say, like May, june, so they were early six and he was trying to climb out of a window. He was, I saw him trying to climb out of a window. He was. I saw him trying to climb out of a window to get me help and he couldn't figure out how to unlock the door. And that's when I knew I had to leave and when I first decided that I needed to leave. It was my choice to leave. I was my children because I never wanted my home to be a place where my children wanted to run away from. I always want my home to be a place where my children would want to come to and that their home or wherever I was, they would feel secure.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And so from that place I was able to separate myself and my children and made a choice to do a do different jobs where I could stay home and be more, more or work around their schedule, so that could be a present mom, because I knew they were experiencing trauma from that, but I wasn't addressing my own trauma that came from that.
Speaker 3:So we moved again and when we made another move, that was really when I was able to start my healing journey, because I was with my own family and I recognized that I had picked up some unhealthy things from that experience and I knew that in order to be a better mom, to show more love towards myself, that I would need to do some things to take care of myself. So, whether it was a self-help book, I was in different support groups. I went to my own, of course, therapy sessions and things of that nature, and throughout this time period I met someone who said I think you would be good at going into counseling, doing therapy with people, helping them in their healing journey, because I was already organically doing it. And that's really what got to that path of me going into that journey. So this is like a full circle moment of me giving back and pouring into others, just as others had cared and poured into me. So that's my story so far.
Speaker 2:I mean that's so scary. That's what it took. I think my sister had a very similar experience, except her son was a baby still, had a very similar experience, except her son was a baby still and she saw him get scared from I think it was yelling or something like that and that was the catalyst for her to just run. And I'm forever grateful for that, because for so long she had distanced herself from us as a family because of course she knew that we would try to protect her as much as we could. So I'm so empathetic to the fact that sometimes we go through experiences and we don't realize the trauma that it causes us, that like we went through it and we we're, we process the fact that we went through it, but then what implications did it have on who we were as a person?
Speaker 3:right right. Part of being a survivor or going through that whole thing of surviving is you tend to pick up their toxic traits. So if they're like gaslighting you, it's not hard to pick up the gaslighting because you're just trying to survive in that world, in that space. But once you get out of that space, of course it's not okay to do the manipulation and the gaslighting ever. But once you get out of that space, of course it's not okay to do the manipulation and the gas lighting ever.
Speaker 2:But once you get out of that space, you don't know it because you've been so accustomed to being in it, because what's not you don't know the difference because I just did a recording not too long ago, uh and it and we talked about a quote that she said she saw on the internet, but it was from Stephen King and I'll have to get. I'll have to send it to you afterwards because it was so good, I got goosebumps but it talks about like you don't even know that there's an elephant in the room.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:Because you started with that elephant in the room room. So how do you even know that was really a thing, right? How do you even know that there, that elephant in the room was even there? Because it was always there. So you didn't know the difference and that's the behaviors that you learned in that environment. You don't know that you're even using those behaviors because you didn't know the difference of it.
Speaker 3:And that's the difference between going from a place of surviving to thriving. When you start to recognize okay, so this is not healthy. And I think for me it was also like getting pushback from my sons, like they were like chill out, you know what I'm saying. So their own lovely ways of expressing that push back for my sons, like they were like chill out, you know what I'm saying, so their own lovely ways of expressing that. And so I was like okay, this is not the kind of relationship I want to have with my sons. I want to have a healthy relationship where there's trust and love and care and kindness. And so I decided to make the appropriate changes so that I could be there.
Speaker 3:And from doing the, taking those steps, I really feel like now there's always room for improvement. But I always feel like, cause I'm always working on myself, it doesn't stop. But and what you said too I want to get back to what you said, because, especially with I don't shame yourself, beat yourself up about it, because the most unsuspecting person winds up in these situations you're like oh my gosh, how did I get here?
Speaker 3:yeah and I would say, as soon as you're able to leave, because it won't get better, it only gets worse. And that the other thing I'll say, too, is it's not uncommon for survivors to not do it for themselves, they'll do it for someone else yeah so for me it was my children, and for most survivors it's because of their. If you're a mom, it's because of your children, but if it has to be for your career, if it has to be, I don't care what it is, just go go.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I, I agree I don't pay attention to much of the news, but obviously that was all over social media. So it was.
Speaker 2:It was heartbreaking and it just angers me that he was able to get away with it for so long and that nobody believed this woman when she did speak up. That says so much about what's going on. I was again with the previous recording that I did. We were talking about narcissists and how the I don't know if you've seen the news about the lady that was married to this pastor, micah miller. That was crazy the way that everything looks. He was, I think, very much involved in her death, but it's just so. It's so crazy how all of they get away with so much because they have debilitated the person in such a way that they're and then the person that is trying to seek out the help sometimes doesn't get believed and I think that's really, really tough and that's why you said the phrase you said debilitated the person right.
Speaker 3:This is why self-care, taking out time for yourself, showing yourself, getting to know you right, getting to know you, is so important and knowing what your standards are for yourself.
Speaker 3:Wait, not even for a relationship, just for you, because once you really know who you are, it's very difficult for someone else to come in and tell you who you are, because and I really feel like a lot of people are going through some sort of an identity crisis because we don't know who we are and we you're dealing with that. It can't help but show within that. And once you are connecting with others and you're not sure who you are, you give them space to define who you are. And so I think once you start to show yourself that love and that care like, and know what your non-negotiables are when you're in a relationship and pay attention to the subtleties like the subtleties once people are people. So I might say something offhanded, not realizing something. I said it, you know what I mean, and if you bring it to my attention, I'll be like oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't realize it, but if it's a pattern, that's a problem?
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely yeah. I had this situation with my youngest and this is probably now the third time that I've told this story, but it goes. She had this little boyfriend long distance, so they were just on the phone and and I saw when they were like celebrating their one month of talking on the phone.
Speaker 3:Talk to you Right. I remember that when I was a kid Right.
Speaker 2:Oh, we made it to two months. Everything is fine, yep, but he posted this really long rant about how beautiful and amazing and perfect of a girlfriend she was. And then she posted something not as long still really sweet, and whatever and he then messaged her like is that it? Is that all you're going to do? And I was like, oh my, oh my God, red alert, red flag.
Speaker 2:I was like waving the red flag, hello, these are flags these are red flags and I found that it wasn't something that she showed me. Obviously I found it because she got in trouble with her phone. So when I went through it and I saw that I was like oh my gosh. But before I talked to her, I went and I meditated and I worked out and I was in a much calmer state of mind, which would have not have been the case when I was dealing with my 20-year-old being 15. Like that would have been a totally different me.
Speaker 3:I'm just going to say that I'm amazed it took working out and meditation for you to do.
Speaker 2:I needed to. If not, I was going to go guns blazing like who the heck are you with, like. But it also helped me understand these are 15 year olds, like I don't know this kid, how he was raised, what he's been exposed to, and so it's not that I feel like it's the kids fault, that this is the way that he was, but it was like so natural the way that he did it that I was like, okay, this is warning signs, right. And so we were on our way to a doctor's appointment and I brought it up to her and I said you know that I found your phone, or the extra phone that you had. And she was like, yeah, I know.
Speaker 2:And I said, well, I looked through it and I feel like I need to make you aware of some stuff you said it very well yeah, and I, and I told her I'm not telling you how, like I'm not telling you that you need to break up with him or anything like that. That is your choice. My job, as your mom, is to look out for the, for things to make you aware of, and this is what I need you to look for. This is what I saw.
Speaker 2:Like he was so like love bombing you All this love bombing, and then, when you didn't meet what he expected, you weren't enough and that is not okay, because you are more than enough and it thankfully she had her counseling appointment that day. It was all divine timing, but she went to her counselor and talked about the situation and came out apologizing to me for doing something wrong, because she took a phone that like an old phone from my room. And then, secondly, she had a conversation with him because she realized that she needed to love herself first and she needed to work on that, and he needed to work on that, whatever he was going through. And if he wanted to stay together and work on it, then at least he's aware that she knows what. That was not okay.
Speaker 2:And they lasted another month, okay, which was fine. I told her I'm not going to tell you whether or not you should be with him. It's long distance. I think that, personally, I think that's a stupid move, but that's just me. Whatever, however, coming from experience, it's a stupid move, but, however, it's your choice and I'm hoping that just ingrained in her that those are things to look out for, those are red flags, those are things that at the moment that you experience them wait a second, this is something you gave her space.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I learned. My oldest did not get a lot of that, but I learned a lot. I grew, I evolved as a parent.
Speaker 3:My kids say that about my daughter too. They're like who are you? I'm? I'm like, well, first of all, son, daughter, you don't raise them the same. And then, secondly, there's been some evolution.
Speaker 2:I've done some, yeah I and I think that's huge like as parents and to show them and teach them. Hey, there's no manual for this. There's no manual that came with you, particularly you, child.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Nothing that tells me exactly how to deal with you specifically, right? So this is coming from my heart. It will always come from my heart. Just know that I get things wrong too, and I'm very big, it makes the relationship a lot better too.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm very big with even apologizing when I call it lack of sleep or hormones or whatever you want to call it. But if I feel like there's a short fuse and I act on that short fuse and then I have to retract and say that was not what I intended, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 2:This is how I wanted to say it and just so that you could teach them right that it's okay to have a moment. However, you need to recognize that those moments need to be addressed and then go about the conversation. And it's like you were saying sometimes you catch yourself and you're like, oh well, that was not, those are not behaviors that I want to live by.
Speaker 3:I really appreciate that you mentioned regarding you allowed her to discover what would be okay and not okay for her. So that way it means more when she has to make other decisions for herself.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, and I feel like she's just more mentally mature than emotions. She's still 15. She's still going through all of them, but I think mentally she's so much more mature than even her oldest sister at age 20. So she has that mental maturity that is more logical thinking, and so I think that I can maybe have these conversations and even though her emotions will be involved in them, she'll like have a moment to sit back and reflect a little bit. That's what, at least what I hope, is happening, because just the conversations are so different.
Speaker 2:And, again, maybe it's because I'm such a different parent now that I see a difference. But, yeah, it's so important for them to just learn those signals, those red flags, those. Even with my son there's so much that he's 18 and like graduating and I'm like the real world is it's so different and you know, you have to know what space you occupy in this world, and so I try to give them as much openness, because I didn't have a lot of openness when I was growing up. It was very like this is just the way you do it and and so I never felt I went through my own traumas. I was sexually assaulted at 16 and I kept it to myself for three years didn't say anything to anybody, and so the fact that I couldn't physically say anything to anybody, or didn't feel like I could, made me want to evolve as a parent that way.
Speaker 3:I had great parents.
Speaker 2:However, those were just topics that weren't touched, and healing were topics that weren't touched, and I think that's also very generational and we are Hispanics, so things don't get said. We say a lot of things and a lot of things don't get said. It's crazy that way, but and so it just. I think that's the difference that I wanted to make with my kids.
Speaker 2:Tell me all the things my son, I always knew from very early on, like very early on, but he came out to me when he was 12 and he was like mom, I feel like I, like boys, and I'm like, okay, I, okay I knew, but okay, I had a feeling I don't know know, call it mother's intuition, call it whatever you want, but I knew. And the last week I was struggling because I, we have really awesome conversations on our way to school. Every day he drives, I sit in the passenger seat eating my breakfast and we have just awesome, just crazy conversations. And I'm like this is like, not that we're not going to have conversations, but this is ending, this ritual that we have is ending, but it's that I love the openness that we do have. I wish I had that when I was growing up and so I wanted to give that to my kids.
Speaker 3:It's pretty awesome that you do that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's definitely made a huge difference in our relationship. So anyways, sorry, back to your story. I want to bring it back to your counseling practice, like how do you incorporate your personal experience with domestic violence to empathize and support your clients more effectively?
Speaker 3:to empathize and support your clients more effectively. So I tend to attract I think I believe it's in my website where I talked about how I'm a domestic violence survivor so I tend to attract people who have experienced trauma, particularly from relationships, and it's not just from a partner, but also, if it's familial as well, also workplace, those types of things, and because you mentioned about how you had your experience when you were 16, the sad part about all of this is that it's a similar thread. It's all trauma, but it's a similar thread, right. So just letting people know as it makes sense I don't tell them everything, I just give them snippets of the information, but just letting them know about some things that I can relate with them and also telling them so that they can to help them. And that's why I say I left everything. I left my home, I didn't have a car, I left everything and I took my sons with me, all of my furniture, just about a good portion of my clothes. I left everything and I don't regret it because I'm still here today.
Speaker 3:And so what I say to people is if you have to leave, leave, because you can get things back Like there's, you can get things back. So if you have to leave but don't stay, don't stay. Do whatever you can. If you have to get yourself a go bag, if you have to make a plan to do it, I help a lot of people plan to leave.
Speaker 3:So just whatever you have to do and whatever you think you're going to lose, to lose, I'm a spiritual person and I believe that when God restores, he always makes it better than what you had before. He'll take a Honda and he'll make it into a Lamborghini. You know what I'm saying. So it's kind of like it's always going to be better. It's just a matter of you and it's very scary, but know that you're not alone and you have people there. So, in regards to your question of how I integrate it, that's pretty much how I integrate it. When I talk with them, I take a snippet of my story and then I try to encourage them and let them know they can do it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I love that. I feel like that. I am a huge believer in life is always happening for you and not to you, and we could either look at it as the victims life is happening to me or we can look at it as this happened to me and because of it. This is the purpose that I found, and I feel wholeheartedly. That's what you did. You experienced the situation and, rather than it continuing to have power over you, you were like no, I'm taking the reins and I'm now giving it a purpose and really helping others with it. I think that's why I'm so vocal about everything that I've been through, because I truly believe that if I'm still here, after four bouts of cancer, sexual assault, infertility, just everything that I've gone through If I'm still here, there's got to be a bigger purpose, and so I feel like that's what you experience as well.
Speaker 3:Absolutely.
Speaker 3:And then the other part of it, too, was I.
Speaker 3:Another change that I did is I became intentional about who I had in my circle.
Speaker 3:So it's not that I don't care about others and things of that nature, but I wanted people around me who were encouraging me, who were granting me grace as I was processing things, who were showing me care and kindness, and that meant that I had to make some changes with some of my friendships and I realized, within those friendships, in order for me to attract those types of people, I needed to be that type of person for others as well, and so within that, that was also an intentional thing too, and so I also want to say that my community, my people, I developed connection with others and when, within my connections with others, it also helped me get to this place as well. The person I mentioned where she said I think you would be really good as a counselor, she, as in the therapy world, she's one of those people in my circle. So I became intentional about that as well, and sometimes the changes you have to take when it comes to those friendships can be difficult, and even sometimes family. God bless them.
Speaker 2:Yes, it's about to be the same thing. We are so in sync. Sometimes you have to just be like I love you At a wedding or a funeral. I love you and I live a very and life. I love you and I need to space myself from you. I have too much. I have too much positivity to add any negativity to this space. Sorry.
Speaker 3:And let me say that too, I believe that the more joy, the more intentional you are about bringing joy around you and in your life, the more you attract joy. I't necessarily believe, like, in the secret and that kind of a thing, but I do believe that there's something about energy connection, building rapport, like when you get that from other people. Even science says that rational energy.
Speaker 3:Yes, absolutely so. When you display that, when you give that off, it comes back to you and people become more attracted to that. So be intentional about filling your life with things that bring you joy, which also goes into knowing who you are as an individual.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I actually do. I listen to the Secret all the time, but it's and it's more. For me, it's reminding myself that the vibrational energy I put myself in every single day, like I start my day with the daily fire, which is the growth day app that I told you about I start like that's literally I wake up, I put my headphones in, I don't even look at my phone until I finished listening to that, and so I listened to that.
Speaker 2:I brush my teeth, I get ready, whatever I head out, and then I have to eat, I meditate and then I have to do my pre-workout. But I do my pre-workout doing a little dance because it's my, one of my, but I do my pre-workout doing a little dance because it's my one of my favorite drinks in my whole day.
Speaker 2:so it's that, and you'll see on social media that's what I wake up to every morning and that's my routine, and you'll always see me get up with the little go-go juice dance that I call. But it's because my energy like if I don't put my oxygen mask on first, if I don't take care of me first, they're like I won't be here for everybody else, I won't have the energy for it, and so I try to keep myself as high vibration. I don't know if you've ever read or listened to the energy bus.
Speaker 3:Yes, I interviewed the author, one of the authors of the energy bus.
Speaker 2:Yes, I interviewed the author one of the authors of the energy bus, really, oh my god. So he's john gordon is literally one of my favorite people. I can listen and I could I like to listen to it. I have it in in a book form as well, but I love to listen to it because it's for a year and a half. Every month, at the beginning of every month, I would listen to the book because it prepared me for the month, right and that just it really just set me up for success and bringing the people that, like, I started my day with the intention of send me who needs me, who needs my energy, who needs my accountability, who wants to make more income, that really truly wants to impact other people, like all of these things, like send me that. But I have to show up as that first.
Speaker 3:Right, absolutely, and I'm the kind of person that I liked what you said about bringing an income, who has purpose behind it. Right, yeah, because I'm the also that way. I don't want just anyone who wants to bring income just to bring an income. What is the? What is your mission around that? And I think that's part of my healing journey too, you know, whereas I'm not just willing to take anything in my circle you know, so I have tattooed on me the word legacy Love it, love it, yeah.
Speaker 2:Because I feel, like the people that I've brought into my life little by little, we're leaving a legacy right, and I'm leaving it for my children and I want to be I want them like. We had a celebration of life for my dad after he passed away and Condolences.
Speaker 2:Thank you. So the most. I still, to this day, get calls on his phone number of people that this is like a year and a half later, of people that didn't know that he had a jewelry shop that he so people from all over the US would send him watches to repair and all the things right, and people that didn't know. And it's like I'm consoling them every single time because everyone knew who my dad was and his spirit and everyone just loved him and he left that legacy for me and I know that if I survived my mom's miscarriage, if I survived all of these things, holy heck, I have a purpose in this world. And this is why I started this podcast was because I truly feel like the stories of people that have survived all these things are proof that have survived. All these things are proof. If you are going through anything right now and you need proof that you can get through whatever against all odds and you get to then leave your legacy for your family, what an impact. And in the business that I have, it's the same thing.
Speaker 2:Like I, nine years ago, was overweight, depressed and with cancer and single mom of three kids, dealing with a busy career and and for whatever reason, God put an email inbox. That was a dance program that I could do from home and I, with the last bit of my credit card balance, I maxed out my credit card and I bought this thing to get healthy, that this was non-negotiable, that I needed that to happen. I did it and then I started impacting people because of my own journey and I was like, oh my God, this is crazy. And because I stayed consistent. I'm in Florida. I have a friend that lives in Alaska and I asked her for nine months if she would join group. Every month she would be like not right now, and not right now to me means not this moment, but I'm still interested. So I kept asking and I asked for nine months, every single month, and she finally said yes, Girl almost lost 100 pounds.
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 2:And I was like like what if I would have given up on that? Right her whole life. She's left a different legacy for her kids. Her kids know a healthy mama and not one that's always in the hospital, which you used to be, and that. That, to me, is powerful. That's leaving a legacy. I didn't do anything except for provide her the tools and keep asking.
Speaker 3:Very, very key there. You said consistency, right, and that is something that you have to be when it comes to flowing in a place of within your healing journeys, being consistent. Now, consistent can look different. It doesn't mean that you're doing it every single time, but as long as you have a pattern and you're doing better and you're being intentional about it. Yeah I think, that's where you start to see results, because I bet she didn't lose a hundred pounds by being an inconsistent Correct.
Speaker 2:She knew that she needed to do something. And, again, she was always in the hospital Every month. There was always something and and that broke my heart, because her youngest was a baby and I would just reach out every single time and every single time she'd be like and I would just reach out every single time and every single time she'd be like no, not right now, but one day. And that one, like, I still remember she signed up in October of 2018. I vividly still remember, because it impacted me, her showing up and, little by little, like creating these habits and learning how to eat, little by little, like creating these habits and learning how to eat, and that in itself has changed her whole family, because now her kids are exposed to that as well. And it just it. It's so powerful. It's so powerful and that's the point.
Speaker 2:You go through the things that you go through, and now you're leaving a legacy for some other survivor right, absolutely, absolutely because you're going to be the catalyst that helps them move on from that situation and then you're encouraging that person too, because they see the results yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2:And so that's the powerful thing about against all odds and about what we see, that life happens for us, what that means. It just is so powerful to me and I know that my mindset I have a mindset coach he didn't get, he didn't create this. It was, I think, from Tony Robbins that he got it from, but because I heard him say it so much and I love Tony Robbins that he got it from, but because I heard him say it so much and I love Tony Robbins, I listened to him all the time. But because I heard my mindset coach, brad, say it over and over and over and over again life is always happening for you, not to you. It just felt like, oh, my God, that that is is so true.
Speaker 2:There was a moment that I was falling victim to old, my old circumstances and my old stories. Right, and when you figure out that, like that, there's purpose behind that, you're still here. There's purpose behind that, you with your story. You're that moment of seeing your child try to help in any way he could, right from that moment that that gave you purpose to run right, and you're now you have, you said, 26 or 27 year olds the twins are 27.
Speaker 2:I can't believe it I can't believe that you have 27 year olds, first of all. First of all, let me just say I just still can't believe you have 27 year olds but, like you, gave them a totally different life 21 years later. You gave them a totally different life because you chose to let life happen for you and not to you. You didn't stay in that victim mode and I just love that. That. Just that's what fuels me and in this podcast, what I feel the most fire in my belly is when I hear stories like yours, that you were like this needs to change and you took it in your own hands and now you help people do exactly what you needed in that time and that's so powerful.
Speaker 3:In the beginning I did it for my children, but as I continued the walk, I did it for me, and there's no way I will ever go back.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. That's just so amazing. So many survivors struggle with reclaiming that sense of self, of who they are identity, if you will after experiencing domestic violence. So, based on your journey and professional insights, what strategies do you find um most effective in in helping those people rebuild their identity and confidence again?
Speaker 3:so anytime you come, you recognize that you've been experienced a trauma. It shifts you and the person that you were. You're not that person and so it's like a rediscovery of who am I. So what I typically tell people is create a bucket list of things you'd like to try to do and then, within that bucket list, also consider something that you really enjoyed from your past that you haven't done in a long time, because a lot of times what happens is you find yourself in a space of being isolated. That is all part of the whole grooming, part of being in that situation, right, and so you know, if before you enjoyed I don't know reading or listening to music or dancing things out like what you were talking about, and you want to try to integrate that, add that to what you're trying to do so that you can relearn who you are.
Speaker 3:Also, try different looks like maybe, try different things, try different outfits. I will say this when I was I didn't even realize it when I was in my relationship I wore a lot of dark colors. When I was coming out not necessarily coming out of the relationship, but when I was out of the relationship I realized most of my colors are dark. I'm wearing black browns, it's like I'm going to a funeral, because I literally felt like I was in a, and so I had no idea that I was emanating what I was experiencing through my clothing. So I started to wear more bright colored clothes and discovered that purple and pink are my favorite colors. But see, I know, girl, I'm really loving this.
Speaker 3:So I say all of that to say rediscover who you are and be open and recognize that you're going to be going through a transformation. And if you decide, you know that you don't like certain things. You liked it before, but you don't like it now it's okay, because we're constantly evolving, we're constantly changing or constantly changing, and a lot of times when you're coming out of a traumatic experience I'll use weight loss, for example, your friend who lost a hundred pounds there's probably some foods that she liked before that she doesn't have a taste for now, and that's part of her evolving, immediate and her healing journey. So just be open to that and be okay with that. But that's a really fun thing I like to share with people because it's like Ooh, I get to try this or that and I'm like, yeah, you can try it, you don't need anyone's permission to find what brings you joy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I remember when me and my ex-husband were divorcing or separated or whatever were divorcing or separated or whatever we had a great relationship, so nothing like, like what you experienced.
Speaker 3:I truly just feel like we grew, like you guys, organically grew apart.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was 19 when I got married, 17 when we first met, so like super young, and by 28 we were divorced or separated and so I started. I was like, well, I don't know who the heck I am, because I left my parents house and got and was with him and so I've always been either my parents' daughter.
Speaker 3:Or someone's wife.
Speaker 2:Or someone's wife. So who's Maria? And I learned that at that time I really enjoyed sitting down in front of a TV watching a basketball game and drinking some wine and having some cheese.
Speaker 3:That is cool, Yep.
Speaker 1:But I was like I would have never done that with him right.
Speaker 2:I would have never done that with him, so like it was very much a oh who are you? Kind of reintroduction to myself, and I think that's what you're talking about. It's like learning who we are again and allowing yourself to be different and enjoy different things. And yeah, I love that. I love the fact that you realize that your wardrobe emanated what you were experiencing.
Speaker 3:I had no idea, I had no idea.
Speaker 2:It's so mind-boggling that this is the kind of things that come out after you're like coming into the light, if you will Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. It feels like kind of like a really rainy day, that it's like an ever, forever rainy day, right. And then, like all of a sudden, this light come out and you're like there's sun, what, absolutely, absolutely.
Speaker 1:And then, like all of, a sudden, this light come out and you're like, there's sun, absolutely, absolutely.
Speaker 2:I love that so much, so much, so much. Okay, so quickly. So what? What do you feel like limiting beliefs or roadblocks that you had to overcome in order to get to where you were today, or which ones are you trying to help others work through themselves?
Speaker 3:Well, just the phrase you are enough. You know what I mean. I believe, even on the, I've been saying that a lot, even putting it into the like, my marketing pieces, and just saying people. Saying saying people, you are enough. Because we constantly feel like we're not enough because we don't have this or we don't have that, whatever this or that might be, but you are enough. So just that's. That is a major limiting belief. And I think another limiting belief is people pleasing because someone isn't pleased with us. We internalize it, it well, something must be wrong with me.
Speaker 2:This is why it's so important to know who you are as a person because sometimes that's a you problem and not that meaning the you problem being that person's problem and not yeah, what problem not a not a me thing, it's a you thing.
Speaker 3:Yeah, not taking ownership for something that doesn't isn't space for you, and so I think those are a couple of them that I can think of at this time.
Speaker 2:I love that, so I have here. You have authored a book. Would you like to share about that?
Speaker 3:sure. So I have the book. It's called the Mental Health Handbook Strategies for Self-Care and Resilience, and so I've written that book, and I also written a stress coloring book too, for stress.
Speaker 2:I love that because I used to buy those for my oldest daughter all the time Her thing is art.
Speaker 2:And that's what would get her out of her moments of anxiety and manic moments, and it would be art, and so I used to buy those all the time, all the time. Now she, like free form, draws, and I'm like woman, how are you so talented? You definitely did not come from me and my stick figures. That is not not right. That is not how you became so talented. She is so talented, it's. It blows my mind and it's amazing. But yeah, that's that is so awesome, so I'll have to look that up. And then you are also facilitating a peer group. Is that correct?
Speaker 3:Yes, it is for blended families of school age children. I'm doing this in partnership with an organization called Forum and it's going to be focusing more on like psychoeducation, and it's just a way for people to come together and just get support when they're going through different family dynamics that are unique to blended families.
Speaker 2:Oh, we have one where, like the Brady Bunch, the Puerto Rican Brady Bunch over here.
Speaker 2:We have so much fun. Though I have three, he has three, and then like, oh my gosh, it is definitely a fun dynamic. I love it. Oh my gosh, this was amazing. Thank you so, so, very much. I hope, listeners, you got some amazing nuggets out of this. I will link all of her, everything, everything, all of her things. I will link it here. I will put all her, all of her things. I will link it here. I will put all of her the way to find her on social media on here as well. Thank you so much. I so appreciate you being here. It was such a pleasure. And, listeners, I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day. Thank you so much for listening, watching, however you listen and watch us. Peace out, love your life.
