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Against All Odds Podcast, The Less than 1% Chance with Maria Aponte
Maria highlights stories of people that have been the "less than 1% chance" and have come out of their situations thriving and seeing life as happening FOR them and not TO them! Inspiring and empowering stories that will show you that against all odds you can make it through anything!
Against All Odds Podcast, The Less than 1% Chance with Maria Aponte
From Near-Death To New Life: Sarah Shoulak’s Journey Through Trauma, Sobriety, And Self-Discovery
Some lives seem to collect plot twists, and Sarah’s has a few you won’t see coming. From sudden near-death moments and a long wrestle with addiction to deep grief and a full-bodied reinvention, Sarah opens up about how she stopped performing for attention and started building a life rooted in boundaries, ritual, and self-respect. We go there—assault, cancer, mental health, and the hard truth that change usually starts when you’re tired of your own patterns.
We dig into women’s health with honesty and heart. Maria shares her cervical cancer journey and the decision to take control of her health, only to be surprised by a clean report after a hysterectomy. Sarah talks about her mom’s breast cancer survival and the music festival nonprofit that sustains a tight-knit community of patients, survivors, and families. Together we highlight the gaps in awareness for rare cancers, the power of self-advocacy, and why prevention, nutrition, and movement matter more when they’re intentional.
Then we get practical. Boundaries as the first act of self-respect. Rituals as “love letters” to your future self—overnight oats, folded laundry, morning movement, even a nightly three-word intention with a drop of oil. Sobriety as a streak of daily non-choices that compound into freedom. We also unpack the gap between confidence and self-esteem and how to choose yourself in small ways that eventually change everything. Sarah’s forthcoming memoir, Dead Serious: How Death Made Me Laugh at Life, isn’t about glossing over pain; it’s about letting grief and joy sit together and still picking joy on purpose.
If this conversation gives you a spark, share it with someone who needs it, hit follow, and leave a quick review so more people can find the show. What small ritual will you create tonight for your future self?
Connect with Sarah:
Instagram: @kaluohs
Facebook Page: @kaluohs
Substack: @sarahmarieshoulak
Youtube: @KALUOHS
Notable mentions: The Goddess Oil we spoke about was from https://www.instagram.com/goddessglo11.11
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Follow Maria on YouTube HERE
Welcome back to the Against All Odds, the Less than 1% Chance podcast with your host, Maria Aponte, where we will hear stories of incredible people surviving against all odds. And my hope is that we can all see how life is always happening for us, even when we are the less than 1% chance.
SPEAKER_01:Hey, hey, welcome back to Against All Odds, the Less than 1% Chance podcast with your host, Maria Aponte. Thank you so much for jump jumping on again with us today. I am so excited to introduce you to Sarah. I want to just preface this with we had the whole conversation prior to recording, and I am so excited because I feel we're so aligned. And funny enough, we live like almost on the street from each other. So it's crazy. We didn't know each other before this, though. So Sarah is a remote HR lady, speaker, artist, nonprofit, co-founder, and all-around Jill of all trades. I love that. She is also a mental health advocate, near-death experience survivor, sexual assault survivor, suicide survivor, and an author with a new memoir coming out in 2026 titled Dead Serious, How Death Made Me Laugh at Life. I love that. By sharing her own struggles with anger and addiction, she seeks to inspire others to make big changes in their own lives and see the light and a little humor in the dark moments, which I love. We were just talking about those not so bright moments. So, Sarah, oh my gosh, I'm so excited to have you. Welcome to Against All Odds.
SPEAKER_02:Yes, absolutely. Thank you for having me. It's an honor.
SPEAKER_01:Thank you. Thank you. So obviously, I glided over a little bit of those things. Give us a little bit of your background. What is your against all odds story?
SPEAKER_02:Well, I think what makes me most against all odds is the near-death experience type experiences. Just because when I talk about my story, the first thing I say is that I really shouldn't be here to tell it because there are those moments where, you know, if you hear somebody was diagnosed with cancer, you know that there's going to be odds of them surviving the stage that they caught it in, the odds of the surgeries, things like that. But with my experiences, I think what was shocking about them is just how accidental and sudden they were. And some of them were bizarre and some of them had low chances, but it's still the fact that it happened. And so I think more often when I look at the compilation that will be in my memoir, it's the fact that life kept beating you down in this way or kept one thing after another, and you don't really, you're not really able to catch your breath. And I think it's that experience that really relates to people. But that's the one that says, I'm so grateful to be here, because in any one of those moments, it could have gone very differently.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I can relate very much to that. I think I was against all odds from like conception in utero and till what chapter are we talking about? Yeah, my mom had a miscarriage and I stayed. So I was a fraternal twin. Um, but normally when we think of like when somebody goes through a miscarriage, the body just expels everything. And I was like, no. He's kind of held on. He's like, I was like, no, not today. Not today. I am here to stay. And so from that, I feel like I've always had that. I don't know. Maybe I'm just forged from so much that I was meant for something greater. And maybe that's why I'm so verbal with what I've gone through. Maybe that's why I've gone through those things because I'm supposed to make a difference with my story. And I feel like that's what I'm hearing from your story is that like you've been forged through all of these things to just show the world that it's possible and you can come out on the other side in a better have you heard of the Phoenix rising from the ashes?
SPEAKER_02:And obviously, that's just such an empowering image. I actually have a an art series that I did depicting that. It was very powerful when at the point that I did it, but it feels like for some of us, you just keep going through that. It's like now this fire, and now this fire, and these burning bridges, and this re-reincarnation of myself. And I do feel like that reinvention is very unique to some people, and some of us have gone through many different versions of ourselves in this life experience. And some people look the same as they did in elementary school, and you see them at 65, and you're like, You are still Tommy Pickles. Stop. You are like these it's like a cartoon character getting older, it's like no change, no character development. And there are others of us. I used to joke that I could have been a good spy because I could put a photo of me every different year. I have different hairstyles, my face seems to change. People are like, This is not the same person, and I used to think that was like fun and cool. And then through sobriety and through some other changes in my life, I realized how what some of those behaviors really were. I started to peel back the onion of myself and say, Who am I? Why do I make the decisions that I make? And I feel like it's that introspection paired with all of those hobbies and interests and careers that I have, those things that influenced who I am, kind of the nature and nurture combination that makes me confident to speak on the things that I've been through, just like you, because I started Toastmasters when I was 18 years old. But like, what 18-year-old is getting up and giving speeches about themselves in like articulate manners, like with timers and old people and stuff, like 18, I'm doing that. So that's fast forward. I was a college professor, I taught public speaking, and so it's like, why would I be quiet now? Like when I had the confidence to stand up and share my story at every one of those stages, now I've got the story to tell.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I love that so much. So then how did you become such a self-aware and reflective person? Because there's people that go through things, and like you said, they could still then just be the same person and not evolve. How did you get to that point?
SPEAKER_02:I feel like the way that you were saying that you were forged in utero and like all of the I feel like it's like when somebody asks, When did you become an artist? You feel like I've always been an artist. But I feel like when I was growing up with my mom being who she was as a corporate executive, at the time it was the early 90s. I was born in 90. And so for her, that's really glass ceiling breaking years in the late 70s, early 80s for her to be a corporate executive was ridiculous to be a vice president. And I say ridiculous in a good way. Yeah, like it was on her around her, exactly. And so I had a flipped life experience, right? I had a stay-at-home dad and a mom that was in corporate America, and I got to watch my mom be the breadwinner. And so I was so proud of her. And I feel like being aware of that from a young age then made me know from that's a built-in role model of someone to look up to and say, I can be what she is because I see her doing it. And I would read the books that she read. So she would read Who Moved My Cheese, which is a business change management book. And I would read Who Moved My Cheese for Teens, and there would be What Color is your parachute for teens and Seven Habits of Highly Effective Teens. And I was really like between 13 and 15 absorbing all of these like self-help books. And so you're not even that, but it made me what it what am I bound to? And it's like doing the Myers-Briggs test as like a preteen. Like that's so ridiculous that I got this head start on it. But that's where by 17 I was going to like leadership development conferences at 17 instead of summer camp. That's what I was doing. But going to college, I'm like, I could teach this class. I have such this ego of self-awareness that some people are just like they get to stay kids for so long. And I do think it's a bit of a consequence of growing up quickly that I may be so far along on this journey, but that's only because some of it was like survival mode and some of it was like a hyper-awareness of things around me to be able to respond to them. So a combination.
SPEAKER_01:I love that. Listen, I'm very much into personal growth, but it's been like the last 10 years of my life.
SPEAKER_02:And so I feel like that's still a lot more than most.
SPEAKER_01:To be realistic. Yes, yes. And I like to listen to a lot of books rather than reading with my eyeballs because I I was a single mom with three kids and I didn't have time for sitting down and reading. So I listened with my ears to books, and I would put these books on my kids know the energy bus, like nobody's business. And I bought the book and I let my kids read it as well. So they've been introduced to this personal growth stuff. They're not into it right now, but that is just even a little bit. And I'm like, yes, I'm like totally winning in this like parent thing. It's awesome because I feel like my youngest daughter is so much more self-aware of emotions. And yes, does she go through her teenage stuff? Absolutely. She's 17 and doing all the things. However, she can articulate her emotions in such a mature way that I'm just like, oh my gosh, kid, who are you?
SPEAKER_02:Isn't it fun to hear other people like use the therapy words? It rubs off on my fiance a bit. And he started using the word gaslighting, like left and right. But we'll be watching like cooking shows and we'll be watching like football. And he'll be like, this is gaslighting. And I'm like, actually, that's a really appropriate use of that. And I'm proud of him for like pointing out the flags.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Even using that and himself. That is awesome. I love that. So, what do you feel like what impact did identifying these patterns of like thrill seeking to avoid grief have on your life?
SPEAKER_02:Well, I feel like realizing that was the pattern came with sobriety, right? And it was always feeling like maybe it's because I'm the middle child, maybe it's because I'm the only girl growing up in the Midwest. There's all these kind of like influences and subcultural layers that you could deduce in your life when you're like looking at the filters. But it was that struggle for attention. It was like wanting to have people look at you, but look at you and be proud of things, or look at you and smile and look at you and find joy from what you were bringing to that experience. And so I felt like what felt easy in that way was being the class clown, was like being the person who was like so ridiculous, whether it was with what I was wearing or what my hair was or how I was acting. And in some ways that can seem really fun and bubbly and gregarious, and in other ways it's like really unhealthy. Like it I remember in middle school, I was like make myself fall down the stairs because kids I could make people laugh. It was like unhealthy ways of, hey, look at me. It's like slapstick. Yeah. And so I feel like when you're a woman, not to always always make it like that, but I do feel like it's totally different because a slapstick kind of guy could maybe even stay that kind of persona. But as a woman, you change that look at me to maybe it's a more sexual look at me. Maybe it's a more I used to think that I had this persona that was like a bond girl. Because I joked about having the different hairstyles and like, oh, I could be a spy. And I was like, I'm the honeypot. I was like, I was out there thinking that I could just like do whatever I wanted because it it felt like sex in the city. It felt like I'm a confident woman making these choices and I'm doing it for myself. But it was also very, I don't know, eccentric. I don't really know the right word, but it's that thrill-seekingness. It's like being so sensational that people started to just expect that from me. The more ridiculous of something that I did, I'd have this like crazy story, and I'm good at telling stories. Don't get me wrong, I can spin a tale, but it was like at the expense of myself. It was like self-deprecating actions that I was taking. And it doesn't look like that or feel like that when you're spinning it through. It's kind of like when you have somebody who does PR and something happens to a celebrity and you have to spin it and say, you know, it's this lens, and this is what happened in the context of why it makes sense and stuff. And I feel like I was doing so much of that in my world to convince people that oh no, it's cool, oh no, it's confident. And I'm like, I'm really just not happy with the decisions that I'm making. I'm not hanging out with people that really bring me joy and give me what I need in this world, and that we're not doing things that I would choose if I was in charge of what we were doing. And it's like when you realize those patterns and you start to pull them back, and you say, Oh, that's why I keep dating this kind of person, that's why I keep ending up in this kind of job, that's why this kind of life, home life feels safe to me. And you start pulling these things back, and then you have to decide now that you've seen it, am I gonna respond to it or am I gonna stay in it? And some people, some people are fully aware of the situation that they're in. Some people have their eyes open and go, oh no, I'm just choosing this. But to look at it and say, I do want something different, I feel like that is so powerful. And going back to the purpose of this podcast and the purpose of my book, I feel like that's the gift that I want to give people is telling them sometimes it's like you're never too old to follow your dreams, like you're never too old to start that podcast, Brenda, or you're never you're never too old to be a basketball star, Todd, whatever it is. I'm there to say the opposite. You're never too young to change something in your life because we're just gonna keep careening until somebody like gives us that wake-up call and gives us that intervention that's like, your health is this bad, you need to change your diet, and you have to be like told you need to change. But when you feel that and you have that those gut instincts that say, I don't like this anymore, or this isn't the right environment for me, when you're able to change that, I think that's incredibly powerful.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I so I got married super young, and from just knowing a little bit of your story, so I was sexually assaulted at 16, didn't tell anybody, kept it to myself for three years. When I went to my first Well Woman checkup at 18 by myself, I was told that I had cervical cancer. So he had given me the HPV virus that caused cancer. And because I was never checked out after everything, there was it was just down the line already. I was living in dis-ease. So it created this disease. I was holding all of that grief and that turmoil in. And so it caused this, evolved into this disease. And so at 18, I was, I had cancer, I had surgery. At 19, it had come back. The doctor was like, we'll do some surgery again. However, you probably won't be able to have kids. And I'm like, what?
SPEAKER_02:And that's a lot to absorb all at once.
SPEAKER_01:All at once. Yeah. So I was engaged at the time with my ex-husband. And so we got married. I was 19 years old, a baby. I was a baby. Oh my God. I look back and I'm like, I have two 20 plus year olds. I can't even fathom them being ready to like be married, have kids, and all the things. So I look back and I'm like, oh my gosh. But I grew up and got into the corporate world and so forth. I had a very successful career in the travel industry. And when I was 28 and I had been with my ex-husband at the time for almost 10 years, and we had been married for almost eight, I was like, I'm not happy. And I had three little kids. I went through fertility treatment and had my oldest when I was 21. Then by the time I was 25, I had three kids under five years old, which was bananas. Um, but then for a year, I was like, I want to have my friend back. Let's talk, let's have a conversation, let's be friends again as well. It shouldn't just be work and come home and sleep. But we don't even talk. And so it's like bad roommates, not even yes, like roommates at least talk to each other. This is not even okay. And so I went through like this life-altering decision that I was not happy. And we didn't have a bad relationship in terms of we weren't yelling at each other. It wasn't anything like that, but I decided that I was not happy. And I decided at that moment to do the uncomfortable thing and say, I would rather be the example of my kids seeing me happy. And that is the example that they grow up seeing than um showing them how to live a miserable life when two people are just forced to be together because of XYZ. And it was really hard. My parents were upset with me. Everyone was mad at me. And against everybody's choices, I was like, no, I really feel this is the right thing for me and my kids.
SPEAKER_02:And nobody was like, she was a baby when they decided to.
SPEAKER_01:Nobody was like, maybe they did rush into the nope, not at all. And I think now looking back, everyone's like, oh yeah, that was the right decision. But it it wasn't the easy way out. It was actually really, really tough. My oldest daughter dealt with a lot of mental health issues that I dealt with by myself about 10 years ago. She had been diagnosed as bipolar disorder. She was like 12. And I was super unhealthy, and it was always the kids and work, and that's it. And I never took the time to put my oxygen mask on first and take care of myself, right? Because that's not what we do. We just like the cancer came back. And so it was like all the things mounting on top of the thing.
SPEAKER_02:That's like cancer number three.
SPEAKER_01:Cancer number three came back, yes. I was 32 years old and my daughter was really struggling. I was really struggling to parent her. And then the other two younger ones were struggling because a lot of attention was given to her, and all around it was just a chit show. And so I decided at that moment that okay, I need to work on myself and I need to put my oxygen mask on first. I need to get healthy, just like you said, there that moment that something happens that the doctor's like, well, you need to make sure you take care of me because you may not be here if you continue. And so it was a lot of those eye-opening moments that I was just like, oh my goodness. But I started to eat right, take care of myself, work out, listen to personal development, and got into this headspace where I evolved that by the time that the cancer came back the fourth time and I went to go and have the hysterectomy later that year. The doctor a week later tells me, Maria, there was no signs of cancer. And I was like, oh my gosh. So it was like all these feelings. Number one, why the heck did I do this surgery? Because now I'm like full blown in menopause at 32 years old. But at the same time, gosh, I how awesome is it that I took charge of my life and did things that helped me get to this point. So it was the life happening for me and not to me kind of mentality. And those are just, I feel like those moments were the reflection of the big news that you get that kind of hits you upside the head, and they're like, well, either change or there'll be further consequences. And yeah, I just I really connect with what you were talking about because I've had those experiences and I know that you have as well.
SPEAKER_02:That's crazy. Well, I'm sorry that it came back so much. And in the bio that you read about me, and you heard all that stuff about like the nonprofit co-founder, that's actually a breast cancer awareness nonprofit that we have because my mom is a cancer survivor, and she's like a I want to say like a 15-year breast cancer survivor, but through that community and the fact that from her diagnosis, we've actually had a nonprofit music festival every year up in Minnesota, and even through the pandemic, we did virtual festivals. So we've just we've got such a tight, close, tight-knit community of the people in that cancer world, whether it is the people who've been undergoing treatment or the people who are just friends and family and kind of these like collateral damage of cancer because they're not the person that it's happening to, but they're still impacted by it. It's just they're so near and dear to us, and they are just such a passionate community, and there's such an overlap with women's health of the breast cancer community and ovarian cancer. And just I have so many friends that are either like on their way to a hysterectomy or just had one or infertility treatments, and so like the whole gamut of things that we deal with as women, and then obviously on top of it, the breast cancer and things that are a little more well known, despite the fact that we still say that we're raising awareness for it. It's like, can we skip to some of the more rare ones? Because maybe some of those could use some attention now that we know about boobs, but that's that's my take on it.
SPEAKER_01:I I agree a hundred percent. After I had the hysterectomy, and when the doctor's like, Well, I still recommend you having a pop smear every year. And I'm like, What do you mean? I don't have any. What are you even sneering? Like, what are you smearing? Why do you put me still through so much torture still? And he was like, Well, you can actually get vaginal cancer. I was like, What? It blew my mind. I was just like, Oh, well, okay, I guess I'll continue to do this because I'm gonna make sure that I advocate for myself and my health and I'm gonna be on top of it. But that blew my mind because who knows about that? No one. And I'm like, okay, well, yeah, I agree. Let's bring awareness to some of these rare cancers that we don't really hear about and know about that can definitely impact you in many ways as well. So absolutely. How have you changed to support the version of you that you'd like to be well?
SPEAKER_02:So after all the self-discovery, and after like, I don't know, you like to have a little coming out party with like this is me now. You just kind of like start living your life as your new version of yourself. And I feel like there are different ways to reinforce that in your life, and I feel like one of them is boundaries, and it's weird to maybe start with one that's not so like fluffy and positive of like self-care or something, but it's I think it's really important to start with elimination and actually saying, like, I'm not gonna do this, I'm not gonna say this, I'm not gonna take this action, I'm not gonna have this reaction, and I'm not gonna let this person in closer than they need to be. And I feel like when you start to do that, it's not so much what each one of those answers was. It's the fact that you put the thought into it to have gone through that exercise and say, I'm not gonna do this, and you kind of going through that whole cycle and say, I value, I respect myself enough to say, I'm not bringing this person in, because I feel like that's another one of those ping-pong or those like the paddle and the ball thing that just keeps coming back and hitting you is bad relationships or people that you feel like you have to entertain or you have to act or react a certain way, and going back to those thrill-seeking behaviors that I had, a lot of times people they keep seeing you as that version of you, right? And so they see you and they're like dance monkey, and they're like they want you to perform and be like this marionette, and I'm not that anymore. And so by being confident and standing in that truth and saying, Oh, I'm not in the mood, or I don't do that anymore, and things like that, and pushing back against the expectations of others, or not even feeling the need to reply. If it's on it the internet and things like that, I don't waste a whole lot of time with things like that because I feel like some people get so obsessed with giving the same amount of reaction and response to everything and everyone, and I used to do that, and so actually, like you don't deserve an explanation anymore. You've had a decade and a half of me spelling it out for you and spoon feeding it, and I don't care if you are sad that I just poof out of your life. Blame it on Thanos. It's just like I'm gone, you have the relationship with me that you deserve, and it's not all spicy like that, but it's like those become that's the first line of defense is the boundaries. And then I feel like within that, I have a whole workshop where I like know their authentic heart and set these boundaries for themselves and stuff, but then it the inner part of that, that's where you start to get really creative with it. And one of my favorite things to talk about is building rituals in your life, and ritual has such a loaded phrase with it, right? There's like religious rituals, and then there's like kind of the witchy side of rituals. But what I mean when I say it is just something done intentionally. It could be the way you do laundry, like it doesn't have to be any deeper meaning than that. It's just like, do I do this on autopilot? Do I do this kind of robotically, or am I looking at like how I do it? And actually, I'm gonna fold a scrunchie like this and then like this all the time. And it might be a little OCD, sure, but it also can be really fun to build these things into your life that whether it's just something that makes you smile, or if it's something that is a little bit deeper and kinder, and you can say this is a gift I'm giving to myself. A great example I always use is making overnight oats. So it's just like a little mason jar, and I like prep all my ingredients and I put it in the fridge before bed. And it's not every night, but when I do it, I say that it's like a delicious love letter to myself, and I like put it in there, and then when I wake up, I'm like, Oh, my breakfast is made. And it's simple and it's not elaborate, it's not a big machine that like makes me eggs and bacon and all that stuff, but it's a simple reminder that a past version of myself said, You're gonna want this.
SPEAKER_01:And it's like you're taking care of yourself.
SPEAKER_02:Yes, and so it's like little rituals like that, I feel like are so healthy and they don't cost anything. And it's more of like doing everything you normally have to do in your life with more intention and gratitude.
SPEAKER_01:I love that so much. So I come from a Hispanic household that let's just say I didn't learn how to eat vegetables until I was like 25, 30 years old.
SPEAKER_02:You turn on as a vegetable, come on.
SPEAKER_01:So I didn't eat very healthy. And 10 years ago, when I started to like really hone in onto my nutrition and all of that, that I started to do meal prep. And that felt like a gift of to myself because I am not a huge fan of the kitchen and it's just not my favorite place to be. I've always been the worker, I've always been out of the house. And my sister was the one that my mom had, like, let me teach her how to cook. And I didn't do any of that. I worked with my dad since I was little and that was my happy place. So granted, I don't like the kitchen very much, but when I meal prepped, I felt like, okay, I'm gonna dedicate this time on a Sunday, for example, to prepping for the week. And I know that I will have a healthy meal, that I will have done it with love, and I will incorporate time with the kids because they would help me like pack the little baggies with the vegetables. It was just something that I we made a ritual when they were younger and so forth. And I was just like, oh, this is this is like a little present to future me that's gonna be like gobbling this up and saying, Oh, yay, this is good nutritious stuff that I that And you don't have to make decisions, right?
SPEAKER_02:And it's like, and you're saving money, and there's all these other costs or these other benefits that are associated beyond just yeah, I got the meal ready.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, absolutely. It was I totally agree. It's like a little love letter to yourself. Like, I thought about you, boo-boo. Here you go.
SPEAKER_02:And think about it, it's not for everybody, it's not a Thanksgiving meal or Friendsgiving, whatever. It's like this is for me, buy me for me, we go future me.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I love that so much. That that's a really good way of putting it because yeah, that is definitely what that feels like. Just when when I meditate in the mornings or when I work out in the mornings, I know that by the end of the day, like this morning, I had a great leg workout. Perfect. I work out from home. I don't go out to the gym and do anything just because I again time. But I had a good 25 30 minute workout in my little gym out here, and I feel so much better. right now than I would have if I had not done it. So little things that just make the future you a little happier.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. And they don't always have to be like food related. Like they can be like related to your routines or like I said with laundry or like how you put your things away. It's just like presents.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I agree. I I used to let the laundry just sit after it was done. I would just let it sit in the basket and just pick out of that. And I've gotten to a point that I'm like, I don't know if it's my age. I don't know. But as soon as it's done, I want it folded and put away because then if not, then it's like an additional mess that I don't need to worry about. I love that.
SPEAKER_02:And when it really takes such a short amount of time, like I don't know what the barrier is with ourselves where we'll look at something and be like oh my God I can't do that task. And you're like yo it is like 10 minutes and you'll spend 35 scrolling on whatever like oh my gosh yeah I could listen to a good book while I'm folding laundry it's perfect.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah my boyfriend still leaves it there not even folded just in the basket done and I'm like he's on his journey. He's on his journey I have to just okay so what practice has made the biggest difference in your healing journey ooh we've already been talking about some good ones.
SPEAKER_02:Let's see maybe I should give so I have a witchy one so that maybe I'll start with that one. And it's I like which so since you're local I'll do a little shout out to a small business. In Orlando there's a place called Spiral Circle and it's a bookstore right off of Mills. So it's in like the Mills 50 type area off Colonial and it's this tiny little bookstore and they have a tea room thing that I think they're opening anyway. They sell crystals they sell a bunch of really awesome things like that. I've done some workshops there and I think I was at one of their grand opening or they are having like maybe a Halloween event and I met this woman who was setting up as a vendor there and I'll forget her name but if I get it to you by the time we'll like put her link in the comments or something. And so I was able to get this like goddess oil and it was like 1111 goddess oil and I feel like it's kismet that I share this because we're filming this on 1111 portal vibes. But anyway it's just like a little vial and I wish it was nearby that I could just grab it but it's this little vial and it the oil itself because it's oil it looks gold and it's filled with these beautiful herbs and the aromas are incredible like whatever blend she makes is absolute fire. And it has a little dropper and one of my favorite routines and rituals that I've created with this because you can put it in your hair you can put it on your skin you know it's oil so you can do anything but they recommend put it on your pulse points. So every night before bed I take the little dropper out and I put three drops on my left wrist and then I just go like this and just rub it between my wrists and my elbow pulse points. But what's interesting about the three droplets the witchy part of all of this is that I feel like by being more present in not just who I am in this experience but my connection to the divine so whether you take that in a religious sense and it's our Father who art in heaven or you want to take it to the moon or a goddess or a spirit or whatever you're called to envision when you hear the that you're connected to something bigger than yourself, I can channel through it. And it's not big dramatic you're not at a seance getting messages from like ghosts nearby or stuff but by doing this ritual so repeatedly and so intentionally when I when I do those three drops one word comes into my head for each one of those drops. And I don't that's like you think about the Ouija board and you're like oh you're telling it the words you want to hear you're just saying words and stuff. But here's the joke because it's the placebo effect. So even if I am saying those words it's because I'm picking those words because I need those words. So whether or not it is a message from somewhere else or it's me feeding myself things that I need and I'm gifting to myself they're both beautiful. So ha I win either way. So you can't debunk me because I win and I just kind of like blend it in and then I go to bed protected by those words and it's just it could be anything from wisdom love peace or protection patience discipline could be anything. It's whatever pops up first and it's like drawing tarot cards. Obviously the card is what it is the word means what it is but it's my interpretation of why I needed that or why that came up and I could either have a reaction a response to those words that go oh that's interesting. I didn't think of it that way and then it's making me see something in a new light or I can go oh exactly I definitely need this because I'm calling out for it. So it's kind of like why are you eating? Is it because there's food or are you hungry? Well both can be true and one might lead to the other but we're still gonna have a great meal.
SPEAKER_01:I oh my God how have we not met in real life I feel so incredibly connected to you and yes I'm all about we might actually know the same people now that we know that we're local like if we look this up like we probably it's a little like do know because there's a lot of the same yeah you probably know a lot of my friends as your friends that's so great. I I can't wait I can't wait to explore this a little bit further. Maybe we need to do like a like another podcast after the movie but I love that so very much when my kids were younger and I was really trying to again we were dealing with a lot of mental health at the household and so I was always trying to do whatever I could to because to me purple is obviously my favorite color but to me I want to radiate my purple energy. I have a lady in the glasses yeah they're all there there's a lady at work that calls me the purple energy girl and I'm like yes I feel like purple just gives me peace. So anyways when I was dealing with all of the things mornings were always the toughest for us because my daughter did not want to wake up in the morning. She hated going to school like the whole process it was always a fight. And so before they left my car for school in the mornings I would have them say what we called their wonderfuls and I would say okay give me your wonderfuls today. And so they would repeat something wonderful will happen to me today and they would repeat it four times because we're four. It was me and them at the time by ourselves and they would tell me three things that they were grateful for and three I am statements. And it was kind of the way that they started their quote unquote work day, their school day whatever going into something claiming that I'm a good student, I'm smart, I'm healthy, whatever. And every day would be like if they said something too repeatedly, I would say no, give me something different. And so it was like my way of teaching them that's what you would start with the claim the intention that you're putting into your day and then at the end of the day when I would pick them up I would say so how was your day oh it was good what was so good about it so that it would always highlight those things the positive and then I would allow the moment for and what what wasn't so great about the day. Cause I want to make sure that both because you can't have one without the other you don't know that today is great if you haven't gone through tough days.
SPEAKER_02:So I really feel like and then they feel like they can share it with you because otherwise it's like oh well mom only wants to hear my whims I'm just gonna hide all my sad times and not share them with her.
SPEAKER_01:I think that's awesome to balance so my son I knew that he was gay from a very early age. However so one of the things that I felt that I didn't get when I was growing up was the ability to talk about the tough things um hence why I didn't tell them that I was raped at 16 and I kept it to myself. So one of my main goals when I was ready to be a parent I said I want my kids to be able to talk to me about anything and everything. And so that was my goal is to be open enough with with my story with them so that they knew that tough things can happen and I would be open to hearing their tough times as well. When my son came out he came out to me first and he was 12 when he came out to me he was I think 18 when he came out to his dad. And so to me that showed that at least they know that they can always come to me with mom will it doesn't matter the speech you'll get like the but know that mom is always there and will always have your back and support you. Because yes I want them to be able to come to me when tough times are like upon them because it's inevitable. You're such a good mom thanks. I try I really really try because it's not easy when it's all by yourself. So what should readers expect to learn from your book well at the time of this recording there is some revisions to the book.
SPEAKER_02:So I've stopped giving exact stories and oh this anecdote is in here because some of it might end up on my Substack, some of it might actually land in the book I've been very grateful that there have been some people in my life that I've wanted to write about and I've wanted to share their story but then I had to clear it with them and then once I got the green light I wrote it and some of those kind of got edited out and so it makes me feel sad that I'd go back to them and be like oh you didn't make it into the book but it's still very powerful to me. So some of those things will be shared on my Substack but I think the main theme especially going back to the title Dead Serious how death made me laugh at life I don't mean it in an insensitive way. And I feel like that's the first thing that comes to mind is that if you're laughing at death then you're being insensitive you're being patronizing you're you're not taking it seriously and giving it the reverence that it deserves and I feel like if I can explain to your viewers who aren't just listening to this reason why my face is so puffy is actually because I've been crying all day because I'm grieving. I found out that I lost someone really important to me and I think that being able to hold the space for those emotions and actually being able to feel those things, I feel like that's the purpose of the book. And so I feel like the first line of it if it's able to stay in there is welcome to an uncomfortable book. This is not the kind of thing that's maybe a hungry read that you're binging through and you're like oh it's just it keeps going and getting more exciting and I can't wait to hear happens next. I imagine that some of the stories will even be triggering for some people and I'm not going into graphic detail but even some of the subject matter that you covered in the bio that I talk about subjects about death and sexual assault and suicide those are subjects that everybody has a different experience with and maybe not always traumatic but it's not the kind of stories that you're really going to be like chomping at the bit to read more of but I think that just the takeaway is being able to find light and dark moments and that's a very general sense right so it's not just saying okay I lost someone and so now I'm going to pretend like I'm not sad and I'm going to ignore it and just laugh. Like that's where it's a toxic posity and I don't recommend that for people but you also shared in my bio that I've I've shared my stories of addiction and anger and I feel like when you have this pent up energy of you're mad at the world for losing this person or you're just mad that everything feels unfair and you have these emotions it's okay for us especially as women to have these big emotions and feel them because there are so many times and I'm sure that you know this as a mom that you're not supposed to be seen as an angry mom and definitely not an angry Latina woman just you better better bottle that shit up baby and that's how you need to be and I feel like we're all given that script so the way that I've the tagline I've been using is I want to help people get better not bitter because it's so easy to just be angry at the world and it's so easy to be like well life dealt me this hand so I'm entitled to be this nasty and I feel like all the stories in the book especially what my mother's been through and the people that we've lost along the way it would be so easy for us to just look at the world and be like well then I'm gonna hate it and I'm gonna add more nasty to it because it's already nasty. And I feel like that is the greatest act of rebellion and defiance is to be happy in this life is to color everything purple and have rainbows everywhere and I'm sitting here next to my little stuffed animal who's my emotional support animal and do really whimsical things and do ridiculous things. And that's what it needs to be because otherwise we're living someone else's dream. We're not really being authentic and it's not to say that you have to love purple or have an elephant or do any of these things. It's the fact that you find the whimsy in your own life you look at the trauma you acknowledge it and you take the time that you need to heal in whatever way that you need but then you realize that there is joy out there. There is happiness and it's not to say that it's not at the same time as really difficult things but they all exist and there's that ebb and flow and I feel like that's what the readers are gonna have a lot of I'm really excited for this because I feel like I will connect with it.
SPEAKER_01:I just had a another author on the podcast and I his book just came out and I it was such a great he's a very great storyteller and I laughed and cried in multiple sections of that book and I was like oh my gosh this is what gives you a great story and the fact that this is his story is that much more powerful because that means that life has had its ebbs and flows and he's been able to find the light in the really dark moments and not in the toxic positivity way, but in the way that I was really down in these moments and these were really hard moments and then I can still find light in in life and I love that so much. That just makes my heart so happy just to I I can't wait. I can't wait because I'm gonna gobble it up I'm all about stories. I feel like stories help us connect people in a way that doesn't allow us to feel lonely in in situations where we feel like we're all alone. So I'm so excited. So just to wrap it up what limiting beliefs or roadblocks do you feel you've had to overcome in order to get to where you are today again what chapter are we in?
SPEAKER_02:Limiting limiting roadblocks and beliefs. I feel like so many of these are just handed down to us whether it's like I was talking about of was it because I'm the middle child or the only girl or raised in the Midwest? What did your family structure look like? And that's what I talk about in the book too is that some of the ways that our family was formed and some of the things that led to the family structure that we have of my mom being corporate and my dad staying home all of those decisions informed who I am as a person and set me up in this environment that said you can exist and you can flourish in this way. And that's not to discount the privilege that comes along with that whether it's whether the fact that we're white and where we grew up and what the jobs that my mom had and all these different things that comes into play with it because then as I go through my experiences will people listen to me in different ways and do I blend in or stand out in different ways and I feel like there's so much of that with identity. And so I feel like when you have those every single one of those labels that I said has a set of like you're expected to do this right so then the easy thing right the quote unquote easy thing is to just fall into all those stereotypes and do all the things that are expected of you as a white woman in the Midwest and the yada yada and like of childbearing ages and stuff and the fact that I don't have a kid and things like that. Or there's the kind of counterculture side of things that's like I'm gonna look at that list of should do's and I'm gonna throw in the face of it. And sometimes your intention of why you are against the norm is it because you feel like going against the norm because you're rebelling against it and be like well I'd really love to do this but I don't want to give you the satisfaction so I'm gonna do this to rebel or is it that's what you're really drawn to so again just like before it doesn't really matter what your answer is it matters that you're going to the intention of it. Yeah because the authentic yeah it's like holding up two dresses right like if I held up two dresses and asked you like Maria which one do you like better but I was gonna wear it I would take your opinion and then I would still either go yeah we agreed or screw you I'm gonna wear the one I want and I feel like that's what you have to do. It's not about the question or about the answer. It's about your interpretation of the whole experience and I think that's life. And so I feel like the limiting beliefs are that I have to do any of the should do's and that instead of looking at it as this like naughty and nice list of if you do these things that's what people are going to reward you for and it's you're gonna receive praise and it's a positive thing to do. And then the opposite of that I just live every day as an experience and I'm grateful for waking up and yes I feel this way and I also talk extensively through other podcasts in the book about my chronic pain journey because I've had a number part of the near death experiences are that you come up a little banged up and I was like in MMA and I did all this fighting so my body is just wrecked I said I was on a heating pad not just for the cold but because of the back injuries and stuff and I feel like I would have the understanding that that I could just wake up and be mad every day. But it's just waking up and saying what's going to happen today and I will hold space for the emotions and I mentioned I was crying because I had heard this sad news of my friends passing and in a weird way of like self-awareness while this was happening today I was like sitting here at the computer and I saw the news about it and I just like held my hand sitting on the desk. I was leaned forward and I was just like holding and I was crying but I was like very conscious of the fact that instead of being quick to like wipe my tears away and stay upright and be like oh I have to be in my computer I have to keep doing I have to like put on this brave face I like let myself soften and I held my head in my hands and it was that like gentle compassion for myself that says you can cry here. You're home who are you putting this act on for it's no one's next to you no one's and I think part of that is that I was a college professor as a teacher and so that it wanting to keep face and stay but I'm not in front of anybody and having that gentleness I feel like that is overcoming those mental blocks and those things that say you can't cry and you can't show this emotion and you're supposed to bottle it up I feel better now later in the day having this podcast with you because I allowed myself to have that emotion and I held space to borrow a phrase but I held space for that emotion and said it's okay here. And then I promptly ran upstairs and requested a hug from my fiancee but I gave that to myself first it's like I'm gonna let you have this moment and I feel like people just feel too busy to give that to themselves but yeah yeah feel your feelings.
SPEAKER_01:I love that so much.
SPEAKER_02:And then last thing what daily habits or rituals would you say you have helped you reach the level of success where you are today well I feel like besides the ones that we've already talked about the kind of more fun rituals I feel like the obvious one to bring up is just my sobriety from alcohol and how much I felt like alcohol really was my gateway drug. Right there were all of these times where it felt like the cool thing to do the way to fit in the way to be that people pleaser or the person who is just going to be like the life of the party that you could just say yes to alcohol and keep drinking more and more and more and then there's that kind of tomboyish I'm gonna keep up with these people and drink for drink and I'm much smaller. That's irresponsible that kind of leads you to those phases um so I phrased this in a way that I guess sounded confusing before but I like to say kind of like a Snapchat streak. The only reason why I'm sober for almost eight years now is that every day I did a little bit of not drinking. And so somebody heard that and they're like oh you only drank a little bit I'm like no I just mean that I didn't set out and step my foot out until tomorrow and said let's go for 12 years. No I just it's that phrase that they say it's like you get to midnight and then do it again.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:So you only have to worry about the next day and then you know that even if that's a bad day there's gonna be a tomorrow then there's gonna be the next day to try. And so I feel like the ritual of reminding myself that my life is better without that because there are definitely I'm not December 13th is going to be eight years. So we're like really close to it. But I'm always like one day at a time and I'm very proud of the success that I've had but I don't want people to see that as ego or feeling like it comes easy. Because there are definitely moments where I side eye something or I was up in Minnesota on this like rescue mission because my mom was in the hospital and I'm opening up my brother's fridge where he lives with his wife and I see a four pack of seagrooms and that bright blue is like calling out to me or I'm in the grocery store and I see like those frozen margarita packs that I used to drink and stuff. And it's not that I have this urge that I'm gonna need to get my fix that I have to like go run over and buy it but it has enough of a pull that it makes you look and it makes you go oh I could and then it's that little think that goes in your brain but you won't like yeah that if you didn't over all these other things that made you mad, made you sad, made you this, made you that there would be no reason for you just laddie-daying in the grocery store to go buy that or go do that or even if you're this emotional about your mom like it's not worth that and I feel like that becomes the biggest ritual that I give to myself on easy days where I don't even think about it and then on those days where I do have those conversations with liquor bottles but it's those moments where you stand up for yourself or you say that this is more important to me than anything else. And so yeah seven plus years later and I'm still working through those.
SPEAKER_01:Yes it's like choosing every day to just be present and know what makes you feel good. And I don't drink very much anymore. Not that I don't drink at all but I used to socially drink a lot and my dad when he was alive he could not see you come into the house and do you want me to make you a little drink? Do you like it was just like constant and it got to a point when I started just it just didn't make me feel good anymore. I wouldn't have the hangover but I would feel bloated I would feel yucky the next day like just foggy and then I'm just like no I'm good. And that to him was like what what are you talking about?
SPEAKER_02:Where's my daughter?
SPEAKER_01:Where's my daughter and I'm like I can still be the life of the party just the way that I am I don't need the drink to make me be that person and it just became eh no I don't really feel like it and it was choice that choice every day. I don't feel like it.
SPEAKER_02:Random I know do you watch Masterchef do you watch any of those cooking shows or anything like that? I don't know you don't really like the kids I don't like okay so so I laughed when you were giving those stories because I am that person in our relationship but he's actually he was raised in a house where they cooked and I was raised by wolves in that sense like we just we were lucky if we got hamburger helper. Okay it was not really a home cook fresh from scratch kitchen. So now we watch a lot of cooking shows to get inspiration because we do try more recipes and it's like motivating me. The point of all this is that on MasterChef they'll have their normal challenges and then they have team challenges and it's dodgeball style that they're picking themselves. And I feel like what my sobriety feels like to me is if you were playing that game of dodgeball or if you were on MasterChef on a group challenge, would you pick yourself first for a team?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:And that's what it feels like is to look at yourself and I didn't realize because I was a very confident person, I don't think I realized how much I struggled with self-love and I feel like there were signs and even in college I feel like the biggest sign is that I wanted to study this as a concept with people that I was studying communication and I felt like there was a difference between self-confidence and self-esteem that self-confidence is how you walk into the room but self-esteem is inward it's what you feel about yourself. But everybody uses them synonymously and everybody wants to say well self-confidence and self-esteem like everybody who's confident obviously has good self-esteem and vice versa but somebody and I I had this whole square of like if you have high of this and low of that it was science it was data to me. And I feel like I was drawn to that because I was experiencing it and I was saying I was crying out through my nerdy research I was like I have high confidence and low self-esteem and I feel like I was trying to figure out if other people felt this way and what you do if people feel this way. And I feel like now that I got rid of the drinking and I can't do the fighting and I'm left in this state of like calm meditation and gratitude that I'm able to look at it and say I can be gentler with myself and I can respond to who I am today in these ways because I've done all that other work.
SPEAKER_01:Oh my gosh. Sarah this has been so amazing. I'm so excited we just become best friends. We totally just became best friends and we probably are in the same circles and we don't even know it which is awesome. But I am so excited for your book I cannot wait to update the show notes with the link to the book. So stay tuned and listeners I really hope that you got as much from today's episode as I got this has been amazing. Sarah thank you for joining me today and again I will put all of her information in the show notes so please stay tuned to that so you can follow her and connect with Sarah thank you so much for listening or watching today. Peace out guys love your life bye
