A Children's Therapist On Grief, Boundaries, And Becoming Who You Needed with Stacy Schaffer

When survival becomes your whole identity, integration can feel impossible. We invited children’s therapist and author Stacy Schaffer to share how she moved from early trauma and institutional harm to a practice built on safety, consent, and repair—and how those same tools can help any family navigate grief, anxiety, and big feelings.

Stacy opens up about not being believed at first, the perfection armor that followed, and the moment she chose to stop splitting her life into “then” and “now.” From there, we dig into practical, repeatable tools: the “right to pass” that gives kids control in hard conversations, simple scripts to request a do-over after conflict, and the surprising power of naming emotions in real time. We talk about how apologies change attachment, why vulnerability makes clinicians stronger, and what it means to become the adult you needed when you were young.

You’ll also hear the everyday habits that keep healing grounded: kickboxing to process stress, co-regulation with a therapy dog in training, and inner child check-ins that link current triggers to past needs. Stacy’s new book blends memoir with caregiver guidance and is available in print and audiobook to reduce barriers to support. Whether you’re a parent, educator, clinician, or survivor, you’ll leave with language you can use, boundaries you can hold, and hope that feels practical—not performative.

If this conversation helped you, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs encouragement today, and leave a quick review so more listeners can find stories that make them feel seen.

Connect with Stacy:

Instagram: @hoperestored

Facebook: Stacy Schaffer

Website: https://stacyschaffer.com/

Book: With Love from a Children's Therapist: #lessonsihavelearnedalongtheway

Author Website: https://authorstacyschaffer.com/

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome And Guest Introduction
• 1:45 Why Write The Book
• 4:34 Grief Roots And Inner Work
• 7:10 The Right To Pass In Therapy
• 10:30 Emotional Literacy For Kids
• 14:45 Generational Silence And Safe Space
• 17:54 Stacey’s Early Trauma And Aftermath
• 25:10 Splitting, Achievement, And Loss
• 31:05 Stories As Connection Not Sameness
• 35:40 Vulnerability And Professional Strength
• 39:20 Becoming Who You Needed

Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:00

Welcome back to the Against All Odds, the Less than 1% Chance podcast with your host, Maria Aponte, where we will hear stories of incredible people thriving against all odds. And my hope is that we can all see how life is always happening for us, even when we are the less than 1% chance.

SPEAKER_00: 0:20

Hey, hey! Welcome back to Against All Odds, the Less than 1% Chance podcast with your host, Maria Aponte. I'm so excited for this conversation today. And I don't know if you are watching this, if you're watching it with your eyeballs, we are definitely purple vibe being here. And I'm very excited because it just feels right. So let me introduce you to our guest today. Her name is Stacey Schaefer. She's a Master of Arts licensed professional counselor. She is a dedicated children's therapist in Colorado, has more than 20 years of experience specializing in grief and anxiety. She creates a safe space for healing. She loves surfing, kickboxing, reading, quality time with friends, and her golden retriever therapy dog Willow, which I love. I love golden retrievers with love from a children's therapist, is her first book, and she hopes people feel both seen and heard in these pages. So welcome, Stacey. I'm so excited to have you.

SPEAKER_02: 1:22

Thank you for having me. And if at some point you want to see Willow, I can bring her on the screen.

SPEAKER_00: 1:27

We will definitely bring Willow on the screen.

SPEAKER_02: 1:29

I absolutely has a hard life.

unknown: 1:33

I bet.

SPEAKER_00: 1:34

So give us a little bit of background. How did your against all odd story start? How did you become a therapist? Why? And so forth.

SPEAKER_02: 1:44

Yeah. Thank you for having me. So I like the book part was that I kept hearing some of the same things from kids and teens over the years. And I thought to myself, like, I want to make what I'm hearing accessible to the greater world because not everybody has the ability to access counseling for lots and lots of reasons, like insert American Healthcare, but anyway. And so separate podcast topic. Um so I'm like, so I like I want to give this information. And then about 10 years ago, I started doing my own like deep inner healing work. And I was like, oh, I could take nuggets from that too. So because I've built a practice on specializing in grief because my mom died when I was 22. And I'm so open about that part, and all of that is real, but there's like deeper layers that I'm like, let's not talk about that. And then I realized, like, oh, you eventually have to. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 2:48

Yeah. I totally agree. I feel like my therapist has a great time with me because I am very open about everything. However, when she asks certain questions that she just digs in a little deeper, I'm like, oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02: 3:08

Like in my office, like I always tell them in first session, I was like, you have a right, and it's called the right to pass. I'm like, I'm a therapist. So I'll ask nosy questions to try to help you feel better. If there's something you don't want to answer, not now, not yet, not ever, you say pass, and that's always honored. And I have found that kids, teens, they circle back to that themselves. Yeah. They're like, you remember that thing I passed on? And so I was like, because I don't want to answer things I don't want to answer, so you shouldn't have to either. Yeah. Absolutely. Like I there's some leniency there because they haven't leaned into it will really help to talk about this thing just yet.

SPEAKER_00: 3:45

Yeah, I have noticed my my kids go to therapy and they've gone since I was separated from my ex-husband from their dad. And so I I always felt like I know how much therapy helped me. And there's obviously so much going on, so much grief in so many different places that I really think that this would help. And it's so interesting what my oldest daughter, her therapy sessions versus my youngest daughter and her emotional intelligence and how she could pinpoint feelings and when boundaries needed to happen. She could say, Nope, I don't want to talk about this right now. This is a trigger. Can we not? Just sitting in some of those sessions, I'm just like, wow, what a difference. But it's so powerful.

SPEAKER_02: 4:41

Can you imagine knowing the term red flags at age seven? Like, what gets today the ability to access emotional language is changing the game for sure.

SPEAKER_00: 4:51

Yeah, absolutely. I think that growing up in the 80s and 90s, that was just not and a I come from a very Hispanic Catholic background and feelings were not talked about. The feeling or things that like that were hard to talk about were not. And so that was the space that I really truly wanted to provide for my kids. I'm like, if I can do one thing as a parent differently, it would be giving them the safe space to be able to talk about anything that they need to.

SPEAKER_02: 5:32

Yeah.

unknown: 5:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 5:33

It's so funny that you say that. Like I yesterday I posted a video on my Instagram with that sound of this like, do you have any kids? Yes, I have one daughter. It's to that, but like it's like a little skit of me talking to my mom who died 24 years ago, and then like her asking what I do now and not getting it. Um she's like, Good thing you didn't have the feelings. I'm like, oh, but oh as it turns out, a lot of them so but it wasn't like re as readily accessible, and I have so much respect for parents and guardians who bring their kids to counseling. It's humbling too. You're like, I don't exactly know what to do, but I want to offer them the safe space, so I think it's huge.

SPEAKER_00: 6:19

Yeah, I consider my kids' therapists like the absolute best person in the whole world. So I am all for therapy. I and I think that it just gives them such like a toolbox so early on, where I didn't really begin a toolbox for many, many years into my own life. And the fact that they can start early with that kind of information and guidance is just amazing. So tell us a little bit about the process of creating your book and because I believe it's part memoir, right? And part caregiver support. So give us a little bit of background on that.

SPEAKER_02: 7:10

Yeah, so part of my like story, like just the outline that I go over like an introduction, so there might be like some trigger warnings for your audience, like in this moment. Yeah, and so I was three when I was sexually abused by an uncle. I would dare say the bigger trauma was that I tried to tell my mom, and my mom couldn't hear it. And it was really bad, like that is a core memory. And since she couldn't hear it, it happened for seven more years. And my mom was a single mom, and my biological dad like divorced when I was like three months old. He like was never part of my life. My mom married my stepdad when I was 10, who was an amazing man until my mom died, but he was an amazing man, and he was like, There's something wrong with this kid. Normal kids don't come home from fifth grade and hide in the closet. And so they like brought me somewhere. I was given paperwork because it was 1989, and they were like, like it was a stack of paperwork, and they're like, has anyone ever touched you? And I'm like, uh-huh. And that's all it took. And because I'm like, well, they'll know what to do. Um so my mom came running in, my baby, I didn't know. And so there's that. But then there was a court case, and that was back in the time when we thought it was a good idea for kids to testify. So I'm like, have a little booster that I'm testifying. Uncle went to jail, mom developed breast cancer, and the hardest part of my story, which I need to choose to believe that my mom had great intentions. She paid for four men to come get me in the middle of the night. I was 11 and take me to a treatment center in Utah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 9:00

Oh my gosh. Yeah, we talking about the same. There's a what is it, docuseries on Netflix? Is it that same place?

SPEAKER_02: 9:10

I'm guessing. I can't watch those kind of things, but I'm guessing. And so my mom had them read a letter to me that was like, I thought you could use like time away to heal from what happened with your uncle and not deal with me when I'm sick. I was like, straight is good kid. The other kids were like older, and they're like, Why are you here? I'm like, I don't know. But got like things happened that evening because it was a trafficking ring. And I'm 11 in pajamas. And so with no shoes. And so they dumped me in some room, and I heard a little voice go, Were you kidnapped? And I was like, I think so. And they're like, It gets worse. And so, yeah, so it was it was a pretty horrible year, definitely the majority of my trauma from that year. And so I got to come home after a year. I think insurance ran out, I don't exactly know, but I got to come home like exactly a year later. So I remember the exact moment where I split my life, and so I was at my door, and I was like, that was then, this is now. We're starting from here. And so in my head, I thought I could just build a foundation on just now. We don't like it.

SPEAKER_00: 10:35

We don't have to think about that, yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 10:38

And so I was like, we're gonna put that in a box, and like it worked until it didn't. So I became like the perfect kid and like excelled and was shiny and was on speech and debate and really bubbly, and all of those things were real, but I was like, we're gonna focus on achievement. And so my mom and stepdad were never there in the home because they were at the hospital with my mom. She had 17 surgeries um with breast cancer, but I was happy because I'm safe home alone. They sent a letter in the mail saying, like, is your kid still acting up? They could come here for free, and I set it on fire. And so, since I got to check mail, and so anyway, went to college, was admitted to grad school. My my mom died in that time frame. And my stepdad, he moved a woman into the house three days later. I'm from Vegas, which isn't my fault. I was already in Arizona at school, and so he basically severed with me because this woman said it was she was jealous that I look like my mom. Oh what? Okay, and so anyway, so I have no living relatives, only child, no living relatives, and so I was like, this is fine, I'm fine. I am a rock, I am an island, and so built went to grad school, built a career in helping other people because let's help other people instead. And I genuinely believed I was because I was still doing my work, I was talking about my mom, and so it wasn't until about like 10 years ago when like stuff started to crack. And I was like, Oh, maybe I should look at that. Yeah, so that's a lot of information.

SPEAKER_00: 12:33

There you go. That's it's your against all odds story, which is I think very important to to talk about because you are not the only one that things have happened to, and and it's gut-wrenching and it and all however you created something beautiful from the crazy experience. And I think that's where I really try to even now when I'm going through tough times, I'm like, okay, I know life happens for me and not to me. I can't keep looking at it as the victim. What am I gonna do with this situation? I've been dealing with my dad's death and grief and from that, and so I understand that like it's not always rosy and great, however, what am I taking from it? Okay, so his legacy, like that that lives on in me, and things like that, the things that I can take from this that I can continue to like push forward with in the same time as I'm like, I would do anything to just give him a hug again and like things like that. So I totally understand the stories are needed. So, what do you hope people get out of connecting with you andor your book?

SPEAKER_02: 14:00

I and thank you for that, by the way. I really hope that people feel seen and heard. Like I never found myself in literature, like ever, ever, ever. And I know that there are documentaries on place like I've been told several times, like there's a Paris Hilton one for my own mental health, and I don't need or desire to watch it. Um, and so, but what I love is the feedback so far. I've gotten really positive feedback that even people who don't have kids or don't intend to have kids, like friends of mine, that are like, I got stuff from your book. And so I'm like, oh, please tell people that. And so the main idea is that people are like, someone gets me and I feel like connected. I'm like, I always tell kids with like even kids with moms have died. I say, I'm never going to tell you, I know how you feel because I don't know what it's like to be you, but I can feel connected to parts of your story. Yeah, and so, like, while nobody has obviously had my exact journey, and like same with everybody else on the planet, your own journey with different elements of connectedness, I hope that there's something, some kind of nugget that you could hold on to.

SPEAKER_00: 15:17

Yeah, that's what I love about being able to hear stories like this and the ones that I've had on the podcast, is because so many times I was sexually assaulted at 16 and stayed quiet, didn't tell anybody for about three years, and but it created so much dis-ease in my body. And at 18, I went for my first Well Women checkup and I had cervical cancer. So it he gave me the HPV virus, the strand that causes cancer. So I didn't know, and because I didn't say anything, I never went to go check. So by the time I was 18, I already had cervical cancer for my like first top smear, and so that was like the mini spiral down that I had because I was like, wait, no one even knows that this happened, and everyone, what are you talking about? How does that run in your family? And I'm like, no, it does not. And so it, I feel like when these stories come to us, I feel like when you not that I didn't have your same exact story, but I connect with your story in so many ways because I've gone through sexual trauma and I know what kind of craziness it brought inside me and what came from it. And I have my own mommy issues and all that kind of stuff. So, one way or another, I feel like that the importance about telling stories and sharing stories is because it makes us not feel alone in the world, no matter what we've been through. And thank you for sharing your story because it's definitely not always easy to be vulnerable, and at the same time, it's very empowering to be vulnerable because I don't know, it shows our growth and it shows what the more healed version of us that we can come into this conversation with love and support for not only each other, but for those that are listening as well. And I just that's so powerful.

SPEAKER_02: 17:40

Yeah, thank you for saying that. I used to believe that, like, if people knew it would actually invalidate my status as a professional and that I would be somehow viewed as like broken or not stable or all of those things. And the truth is it's the opposite. Like the more healed that I add on to my past, because when we never arrived, but like the more healing that is done, I feel like I am a better clinician. Um because I'm more integrated, and that that was the thing. Like my insides didn't match my outsides. Yeah. Now I feel like they do, and I'm having a human experience like everybody else, but like that I don't feel like I'm like hiding this like dark secret that I'm like, well, there you go, guys. There I am. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 18:29

Yeah. And it provides people the permission to be able to kind of bear their soul a little bit more because you aren't looked at like this pedestal perfect person that the person feels like, oh, they're better than me. I I don't feel like I can tell them about my ugly feelings and stories and so forth. So yeah, I feel like that does help in so many ways. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 18:58

I mean, I have to get a kid that was like, Do you think I'm crazy? Because I'm in counseling. And I'm like, dude, I met with your grand therapist on Tuesday. And rumor has it, you have a great grand therapist, and like all the healthiest people are doing their work somehow, whether it's like therapy or coaching or groups, like people are acknowledging their stuff, and those are the healthy people in the world.

SPEAKER_00: 19:20

Yeah, I love that. Thank you so much. I agreed. The best, I think the best therapists have therapists. So I agree. So tell us a little bit about the passion behind your profession.

SPEAKER_02: 19:34

Yeah, there's a picture of me when I was a little girl and I was counseling care bears, and that Grumpy Bear was not willing to participate, and you have to be willing. And I do have a Grumpy, I have two offices. This one is called Twilight, that one's Sunshine, it looks like a therapy Disneyland in there. And so Grumpy Bear is over there. But that I was like, it's like somehow that was a thing. But I remember, like in in Utah, there was a fake therapist that wasn't really a therapist that was an abuser. And I remember thinking there's all of these kids here that you could actually help that have trauma from the way you got there. Like, there's all these kids you can help and you're hurting them. And I could help people and you're not. And so, like, that was a thing. And again, it wasn't readily accessible, like in the day and age, like the late 80s and 90s. Um, but I think there were seeds there that I was like, I think that I could be someone that kids that are younger than me could talk to. And so, like, I always thought if I had a clinician at this stage, it would have changed the trajectory of the game. And I didn't, and so I I didn't even feel comfortable going to a therapist cell after my mom died because there was all that mother wound stuff. And so I think when a kid reflects to me that they feel better, or I remember something you said, I'm just like, what would that have been like? And so I am in fact like who I needed when I was young.

SPEAKER_00: 21:20

Yeah. And it's funny how that's what we become like again. One of the things that I wanted to make sure that my kids got from me was the parent that I needed when I finally told them, and they were like insulting me and not believing rather than just giving me a hug and saying, We're here for you, we love you. I know that they loved me. I don't think that was the question, but I didn't feel the love that I needed and the support that I needed. And years later, maybe like a year before my dad passed away, or maybe even the year that he passed away, which was 2022. So years after I obviously had this situation happen. So I finally told them when I was 19 years old. And when I told them that I had gotten raped, it was very, well, like that I was the slut, that I was looking for it, and that the only reason that I'm leaving my house was because I wanted to go live with my boyfriend. And I was like, well, no, I'm leaving because the one thing that I know that I it wasn't my fault, that I didn't do anything to provoke it, that this 26-year-old man decided to take advantage of a 16-year-old, put something in her drink. I didn't know that this was gonna happen. So that was not my fault. And as much as you want to say that it was, I know that it's not because I secretly went to therapy. I was in cosmetology school at the time when the cancer came back at 19. And so the director that from the school was I had missed two months, and she called me and she's like, Maria, I know that you had surgery about two months ago, and I understand that it's been tough. However, you're not showing up. We're gonna have to drop you from the school. And I was like, Oh, no, no, no, Miss Baker, can I go in and talk to you? Because my dad was paying for this and they didn't know what happened. And when I go into her office and I sit down and tell her, Miss Baker, it's just that this has really put me down in a spiral. I gained like 20 pounds in like two months. Like, I was obviously dealing with some stuff. And and she's like, Maria, what's going on? I really want to help you. What's happening? And she was the first person I I like told. And I start crying and I just close my eyes and just go on a tangent and tell her like everything that happened. And when I open my eyes and she's like crying in front of me, I'm like, wait, why are you crying? And she's like, Maria, a few years ago, I had to pick up my daughter because somebody left her after a party next to a dumpster and she was sexually assaulted. And I was like, Oh my god, just the way that like people come into your life that I say people go come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime, and I needed her in my life. We had a conversation, she arranged for me to start going to therapy during school hours so that I could still go and not have to necessarily tell my parents because I told her I don't feel comfortable with that happening. And I had already done some work and finally spoke up and knew that when I told my parents that this wasn't my fault. And it was really, I guess, beautiful 20 almost 20 years later, to come to them and have a conversation and say, I know that there's no manual to parenting. I am so aware. I have my own kids, I know that there's no manual to tell you how to react to A, B, and C situation. So I'm not coming at you with blame or anything. I'm just letting you know that what I needed from you in that moment was love, support, and a hug. And I feel like I never got that from you. And I need to let you know, I'm ready to give it to myself if you aren't willing to give that to me. But for my own healing, I need to let you know that this is what I needed and I didn't get from you. And the one person that I didn't think would speak up first was my mom, because I could before that, I could count on one hand how many times that she literally embraced me. And so I always had this like, well, why isn't my mom want to hug me? And my love language is definitely physical touch, and my dad was always the like warm and cuddly kind of dad. And so I my mom was like, then I guess it's time for me to give you that hug. And I lost it. Lost it. I think that was a step in our healing journey for me and my mom, but it was really super unexpected, and so yeah, I just I think that you know, therapy has done a lot for me. And so I wanted to give that to my kids. I wanted to make sure that they knew that number one, they can always come to me for anything and have that space, but also that when you need help and you need something outside of just me, that you have a safe space to go to. So I love that's what you do because it's made such a huge difference in our lives.

SPEAKER_02: 27:13

Well, thank you for sharing all of that. Yeah, like I I think that a lot of the generation of parents right now are breaking like some generational trauma cycles, and it's it's cool to see like that this in generation of parents are like, I'm not interested in having my kids feel like I felt yeah, yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00: 27:35

And I think there's such a huge difference in our generations from our parents to us, that yeah, I think it's been really cool to see like the changes and what they find silly and what I'm like, no, this is what I'm all for. I'm all for therapy, I'm all for expressing yourself, have a conversation. If you're upset, that's okay that you're upset with me. You don't have to always like me. Just have a safe space enough to tell me, mom, right now, I just I need time. Just give me the time that I need. And I don't know. I think that it's it's more empowering and and hopefully that I definitely not a perfect parent, but I feel like the little steps that I did make in parenting, my kids were like checked off with a lot of that.

SPEAKER_02: 28:26

Yeah, well, and I think even like the idea of apologies, like that the or we're like saying sorry to kids, there are things that are actually needed to be apologized for. I like there's not one time that I was about, like I can tell you that that I was like, sorry, I behaved like this, sorry, this happened, none of that. And so that I feel like that is contributing to changing the mental health game.

SPEAKER_00: 28:51

Yeah, absolutely. I'm all about that too. I tell them all the time, listen, there's no manual for you. So I'm sorry that I allowed the like immediate emotions get the better of me. Let's do this again. All right. How can I have this conversation with you that's gonna be more effective? So, yeah, that's definitely helped.

SPEAKER_02: 29:14

I have a line in my book that says something you could say to your kids is if we could have a conversation over again, how would you want it to go different? And so I think that that's like a good opening because we all have that. How many times have we like redone a conversation? Is it just me?

SPEAKER_00: 29:35

Like in the shower, and you're like, oh my god, yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 29:42

And so it's because parents often say to me, like, one of the first lines is I think I broke my kid. I'm like, first of all, your kid's not broken, second of all, your kid is being raised by humans, and so there is a natural margin of error. I'm like, but like admitting your humanity is an entirely different playing field.

SPEAKER_00: 30:05

Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_02: 30:06

Than like I am the parent, which is like what a lot of my generation experienced. That they were like, You don't know. Like kids are like, Yes, I do.

SPEAKER_00: 30:16

Yeah, I could feel it. I feel that this is not okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 30:21

Yeah, well, I've explained passive aggressiveness to kids a lot of times. They're like, What is that when like people slam doors but they say that they're fine? And they're like, That's confusing.

SPEAKER_00: 30:33

I'm like, Well, yeah, yeah, it's interesting. So, what are some daily habits that or rituals that you do that have helped you get to where you are?

SPEAKER_02: 30:46

Yeah, I think like a lot of my own therapeutic work is being the adult that I needed to, like my inner child, that it's just like we carry every age we ever were like with us. And so I talked to her that you know, even last night there was something that was like that felt activating that I'm like, how old do I feel right now? And like, what did that kid need? And so I had those conversations. My therapy dog in training is excuse thing on the planet, so she's really helpful with regulation, but still fast asleep. She has no I was just gonna ask because she's still asleep. No, yeah, she has no interest in like telehealth and zoom because no one's petting her. And she's like, Yeah, I know you can say I'm cute, I know, but and I pretty much like every weekday do I kickbox, um, and so I punch bags so I don't punch people.

SPEAKER_00: 31:39

Oh love, that's such a great way to release, yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 31:43

Like, and it's super funny because Willow can go, and so she's the mascot there, and this Friday is the themed party. There's like a once-a-month dress-up party, and it is reggae. You better believe she has a costume.

SPEAKER_00: 31:56

She oh in fact, I'm gonna I'm gonna have to connect with you. Yeah, you can see I need to see pictures of that.

SPEAKER_02: 32:04

It's yeah, like when you connect, you can see like two months ago it was emo night, and so she has this wig on. It's hilarious.

SPEAKER_00: 32:13

I love it.

SPEAKER_02: 32:14

Yeah, that's the family she was born into. Sorry. I make sure that I am consistently there because like I'm like there, I hear lots of hard stuff all day, and so like it's working out that energy in a productive way, and it's my community that I feel like really supported in, and so that I don't like people aren't talking at me. Yeah, and so shout out to Title Kickboxing, Title Boxing Club. I think that is it's necessary for my like my mental health.

SPEAKER_00: 32:47

Yeah, I can only imagine. And I know we talked about this, but just in case there's anything else, like what limiting beliefs or roadblocks do you feel you had to overcome in order to get to where you are today?

SPEAKER_02: 33:00

I just I feel like there's so many. Uh-huh. And so I think that one of them that they haven't already mentioned is the like too much slash not enough. I think many women carry that. And so that it's like you're too hot, too cold, and that it's just like never right. And so I think when I started to let myself like off the hook, that it started to heal something that I'm like, I am literally doing the best I can in this moment in time. Um, and that like I heard it said once if someone says you're not enough, like, well then go find more. And so just the reality that like I am living out the truth of who I am and not everybody is going to like that, and that's okay. Yeah, you know, I say to kids all the time, and they're like, so and so doesn't like me. I'm like, do you like everyone? And they're like, Well, no, and I'm like, it's not your job to make everybody like you. I used to think it was, uh it wasn't until adulthood that I was like, oh, that's not the goal. Whoops, and that it's just it like living into the confidence of like your true self is gonna not feel good to everybody, but to a lot of people it will.

SPEAKER_00: 34:20

Yeah, that's yeah, I tell that to the kids all the time. And my oldest is 21, and she lives with her fiance and mother-in-law, and so her I have my own reservations about that, the mother-in-law. However, my daughter got really upset the other like a few weeks ago, and she was like, She just tells me that she's the one that raised me, and I'm like, Okay, and she's like, and she's the one that taught me how to be a woman, and I'm like, okay, and she's like, and I just get so mad because mom, you were like the best mom, and I'm like, okay, kid, listen, I know what I did, I know what where I came from, and I know our relationship and what we went through. You left at 18, so I got 18 years of parenting you one-on-one, face-to-face, and I have the rest of the remaining years that I've done it over the phone, or not as like in your face, but I've been here this whole time. What she says does not bother me in any way, because I know what I gave in our relationship. I know what I gave, and I know how far you've come. And you wouldn't be the person that you are today if we wouldn't have gone through everything that we went through, period. And you're what I always wanted from you is for you to be healthy, kind, and happy. And that's it. If I could sum it up in something so small, it would be those three things. And whatever anybody says, that's their opinion. I don't have nothing to do with that. They can say all the things that they want, and we know the truth. And she's like, I know, but I get so mad. And I'm like, don't let it, because you're letting all her negative energy feed you. Just breathe, let it go. See, it doesn't even bother me, and I'm the one that she's talking about. She's like, I know, mom, but I'm like, no, it's fine. It's okay, it's okay.

SPEAKER_02: 36:38

Water off a duck's back.

SPEAKER_00: 36:39

Exactly. It's totally okay. And so yeah, I I totally can understand. Understand that. So really quick, I'll also put everything in the show notes, but one more time, give us the name of your book and where people can find it.

SPEAKER_02: 36:59

Yes. With love from a children's therapist, hashtag lessons I've learned along the way.

SPEAKER_00: 37:05

I love it.

SPEAKER_02: 37:06

I have a website, authorstacyschafer.com. There's also like a stacyschafer.com, which is my practice like website, but the author one, you can learn more about the book. You could there's a contact me form, and there's also a link to my book, which is available on um Amazon, Barnes and Noble online. I narrated the audiobook. And so Spotify and Audible. It's a little weird when friends pull up and they're like, Do you hear what I'm listening to? Like that. So, but I have a little fun. And so, yeah, it's like all the major places that that you can find books, and so you can read more about it on Amazon or on my website.

SPEAKER_00: 37:54

All right. So, yeah, I always I like to read with my ears. I know that some people say that it's not, but uh, that's how I like to consume my books. And so I'm I'm that was my next question was if you had an audio. I love it.

SPEAKER_02: 38:07

Yeah, and we can thank my friend Maya for that because she's a kids' therapist too. And we when I was writing and we had met, and she said, Are you gonna do an audiobook? And I was like, I don't I never considered it. And she said, I don't know if you know this, but I'm dyslexic and I only do audiobooks. And I was like, Oh, like it could be more accessible, like to people. Uh, and so like, shout out to Maya, but then I am now learning, and it was such an amazing experience. Shout out to Nashville Audio Productions, it was such a good experience, and I'm learning how many people are audiobook people. Yeah, I'm busy.

SPEAKER_00: 38:49

Yeah, I just if I had time to sit down and read with my eyeballs, great, but I don't. And so to me, like I could, if I'm doing work that doesn't require too much attention at work, I have a book on. If I'm driving, I have a book on. I don't really listen too much to radio anymore at all. It's always gonna be a book that I'm consuming, and so yeah, I'm all about the audiobooks.

SPEAKER_02: 39:21

Yeah, I hope you like it. I believe on Spotify Premium it is free, but I know a lot of people say they have audible credits and so yes, but like hopefully that you like it and that you remember my credits. I'm so excited.

SPEAKER_00: 39:34

I love it. All right, well, I will put all of that information in the show notes so that people can click into it quickly. But thank you so much, Stacey. This has just been awesome. I yay I am such a champion for the work that you do, and thank you from on behalf of parents in general. That's just it's such a special relationship that you create with our. Children that that really makes a huge impact on them. So I appreciate it. Thank you for saying that. So, listeners, I hope you got as much from today's story as I did. Thank you so much for listening. And like always, peace out. Love your life. Bye.